life is fluid
by cheetahreader1213
Summary: What if Halstead had not stayed at Chicago med after being kidnapped by Keyes? What if his injuries were worse than first thought? Jay whump and my take on what could of happened. First fanfic so value your feedback. More chapters to come.
1. Chapter One

Chapter One

At Voight's

Erin let herself into Voight's house and made her way through to the kitchen. Her bag slipped off her shoulder and she quietly placed it on the counter, along with her keys. She looked over to Voight to see him preparing food. "Hey kid, you hungry?" He enquired. "Yeah, I guess..." Her response quiet and distant.

Voight stopped preparing the vegetables, laying the knife slowly down. He turned to face Erin. He offered a comforting half smile, it had been a very long and traumatic day. Hell, it had been a long and traumatic two weeks with Erin away. "Halstead is ok. You did good kid, remember that yeah?"

Erin briefly smiled before returning her sorrowful mask. "Yeah, I know, it was just… close. You know?"

Voight nodded. "Too close" he thought to himself. He briefly thought back to how he felt when the team had entered Keyes's house and he had heard the gun shot from within. He was sure his heart had stopped. "Do you need to go to med and see him for a bit?" Voight questioned, his best caring voice in action. "Will it help you sleep tonight?"

Erin laughed fleetingly. "Nothing will help me get sleep tonight. Apart from a drink maybe…" Voight's face turned colder. Erin noticed and quickly finished, "don't worry. Before you start- I'm not drinking. That's over, ok?"

"Yeah. I know. The rules Erin, don't forget the rules." Voight answered, straight to the point as ever. "Hey, come here…" He stretched his arms out open, inviting her for a hug. Whatever trouble she had been in again, she was still important to him. Like his own daughter.

Erin stepped forward and felt his arms wrap around her. She tucked her head into his chest and felt the reassuring feelings of safety and comfort coming back to her. It felt good to be back in Voight's good books, if only briefly. "Anyway, he's not at Med. I took him home earlier, they let him go." Erin stated looking up to Voight, a tight smile on her face.

"He what??" Voight snapped, pushing Erin away. "What the hell is he doing at home? Who's he with?" Voight continued his interrogation.

"Woah! Hold up! I think his brother will be with him by now." Erin answered, assessing Voight's concern and calculating if she should also be worried. "I passed him walking home from Med earlier when I went up to see him. Gave him a lift home. He seems ok, just quiet, you know Jay."

"I do know Jay." Voight said quietly.

"I didn't stay with him, or I might have missed my curfew here." Erin said with a slight sarcastic tone. "Plus, it was… err, awkward. He wanted to be alone."

Voight was deep in thought, not truly listening. He growled briefly and rubbed his mouth with his fingers. "I don't like it Erin. I saw that video of him being tortured, you didn't. I don't think he should be at home Erin, seriously, at least not by himself." Voight began hunting for his keys. "I'm going over there. You coming?" he shouted, at the front door.

"Yes. Shouldn't I just call Will first? See if he's not there with him?" Erin answered, moving to catch up with Voight.

"Call him on the way. I'm not wasting time." Voight swung up into his black SUV and turned the blue lights on. He accelerated down the road in the direction of Halstead's apartment.

At Halstead's

Erin had dropped Jay off outside his apartment block. There was an awkward atmosphere in the car, a difficult silence with things left unsaid. Jay was keen to get out and get home. He was truly exhausted and desperately needed a shower and some fresh clothes. Erin seemed to have bought the story of him being discharged and was ok bringing him home. She agreed to come visit him tomorrow morning. Her detective skills were clearly still under the influence of her extracurricular activities over the past few weeks. Jay smiled to himself, it felt good when he first saw her at Keye's coming to rescue him. Just a shame it took this experience to entice her back and would she stay this time?

Jay winced as he climbed the stairs up to his apartment. Always pushing himself unnecessarily. His ribs were killing him, in truth, his whole body was killing him. "Drugs, shower and bed. That's the plan." He muttered to himself. He approached his door, feeling a little faint and queasy from the climb. He automatically went to his pocket for his key, only to find his suit pocket empty. "Shit." The thought of walking back down to the supervisor's room for a spare key was just too much. He looked at the door and gave a classic Halstead smirk, "Maybe I could just knock it down? Sort it out tomorrow?" He thought. "No. Stupid. Really stupid." He huffed and shuffled back in the direction of the elevator. Walking was becoming increasingly harder, he felt breathless and tired.

The supervisor let him into his apartment, but not without plenty of worried glances and an offer of calling 911. Jay reassured him all was well, just a tough case at work. "Do I really look that bad?" He thought to himself. He flicked on the lights and walked straight through to the kitchen for a glass of water. Changing his mind, he went to the fridge instead and pulled out a cold beer. He snapped the top off and took a long drink. "That was needed." He said aloud. Following his original plan, he reached into the kitchen cupboard for analgesia. He took the Tylenol and Advil, with a further large sip of beer. Jay could almost here his brother's disgust at his methods of taking pills. He laughed briefly at the thought.

Jay made his way into his bedroom, trying to shed his clothes. They were vile, the suit pants were clearly ruined. He stopped as his thoughts drifted away to the previous 24 hours where at one stage, he had lost control of his bladder and urinated in his clothes after repeated electric shocks. He shut his eyes, a feeling of shame rising and anger starting, he clenched his fists until he noticed his wrists and shoulders were aching from being tidied up for so long, he forced himself to relax. His head dropped, he had been trained for this, a feeling of disappointment started that he hadn't been able to handle himself better. "At least I didn't beg them to stop…" He thought, still lost in his memories.

He perched on the edge of the bed and tried to bend down to untie his shoes. The overwhelming pain in his chest made his eyes bulge, his mouth opened in a silent scream and he stopped moving instantly. Slowly lifting himself back up, he slipped his shoes off with his feet by the heels. He unzipped his pants, dropped his boxers and stood slowly so they could both fall. On standing, his world began to spin, his hearing became distant and echoey, black spots danced in his vision. Nearly falling in the tangled clothes around his ankles, he reached out and grabbed his chest of drawers in order to keep himself on his feet. His head was pounding and the queasiness from earlier was rising again. He took slow deep breathes and started to feel better. Huffing disappointedly, he decided it might be time to phone his overprotective brother Will. He squeezed his eyes shut picturing Will's disappointment at finding out about his self-discharge. That is of course if he didn't already know. Somethings do not remain confidential at Chicago Med. When it came to the Halstead brothers, news travels fast. Jay had to get out of there, he doesn't do hospitals, unless its bad. He could walk, he'd live.

Opening his eyes, he kicked off his pants and stopped to think about his cell phone. "Shit." He said aloud whilst closing his eyes. He had failed to realise that not only his apartment key, but both his wallet and cell were safely tucked away in his desk drawer back at the precinct. He laughed at his own stupidity. "Could things get much worse?" He asked himself, catching sight of himself in his mirror. He stopped and looked. "Ok, I do look pretty smashed up." He mumbled. "Had worse though, much worse." He thought, rolling his eyes and moving towards the bathroom, another sip of beer cooling his throat.

He reached into the walk-in shower and turned on the tap. The water warmed up and steam began to fill the bathroom. Resting his beer on the sink he sank down on to the closed toilet seat and began to unbutton his shirt. The shirt came off, revealing the bruising he could feel was there. Another wave of dizziness found him. He felt clammy and began to breathe deeply trying to fight off the nausea. "Maybe the beer wasn't a great idea!" he heard an imaginary Will say. Suddenly the nausea broke with a tidal wave, he stood up quickly turned around and only just managed to open the toilet seat in time before the vomiting began.

Jay was starting to realise just why they wanted to keep him in for observation for at least 24 hours. Reviewing his injuries, he thought about the repeated hits to the head he had taken from Keyes and his men, he clearly had a concussion to some degree. He had a number of broken ribs and breathing was definitely a process that was becoming more painful with time. The burns from the electric shocks were sore and perhaps needed a medicated ointment. He planned to speak to Will about that tomorrow. He could tell his kidneys were bruised from the treatment by the metal pipe. If he was hydrated enough to pass urine, he had a feeling there would be blood it in, never a great sign. On looking closely, he realised there wasn't much of his torso that wasn't bruised or cut. He winced at the idea of taking a shower but needed to wash the stink of the last 24 hours from himself. He rose from the bathroom floor very slowly. Naked, he stumbled towards the shower.

The hot water fell across his back and ran down his body. Instantly easing his discomfort. He reached for the soap and began cleaning his body, gently rubbing the foam around. Another wave of nausea arrived, Jay began his usual trick of breathing deeply to fight it off. Only this time, the deep breathing irritated his painful broken ribs. The sharp snap of pain in his chest caused the black spots to return in his vision. "Not good." He mumbled leaning on the shower wall for support. Before long the black spots increased until he realised, he was closing his eyes and couldn't fight it. He knees buckled and he dropped down into the blackness with a crash.


	2. chapter two

Thank you for the reviews. Next chapter now up, I'm not a doctor, so if the medical jargon is not spot on, I apologise. Forgot to mention before, obviously none of the characters belong to me, that would be Mr Wolf. Enjoy…

Chapter Two

Erin had been unable to reach Will by cell phone on the way over to Jay's apartment. She tried multiple times and finally left a voicemail asking him to call her urgently. It was beginning to dawn on her that Jay probably hadn't been discharged earlier. Why else would he have been walking along the road home? "How could I be so stupid!" She thought, closing her eyes, her fist clenched in front of her. Her anxiety for Jay was growing by the second, she clung onto the edge of the seat to ride out Voight's aggressive driving. He ran two red lights and swerved up in front of the building. On stopping, they both jumped out and ran up to the entrance, Voight didn't even lock his SUV in his haste. They chose not to wait for the elevator, but took the stairs two at a time, greatly appreciating their level of fitness.

Voight slammed his fist into Jay's door. "Halstead! You in there?!" He bellowed. They both stood waiting, the sound of their elevated breathing loud in the hallway. Voight banged again, making Erin jump. "Halstead! We're coming in!"

At that, Voight decided not to waste any more time, he took a couple of steps back and barged the door open. It swung open on the first try and crashed into the internal wall causing damage. Voight looked and Erin and shrugged. His priorities were elsewhere.

"Halstead?" He called. "Jay?" Erin joined in. They began searching the small apartment. "Hold it!" Erin stated. "Is that the shower running?" Her face puzzled at the sound. "He's gonna be pissed if you just smashed his door in because he's taking a shower!" Erin said with eye brows raised. Voight just shrugged again.

Voight headed into Jay's bedroom, anxious to what he would find. The bathroom door was ajar, light pouring out. Voight pushed the door open slightly whilst calling out again, "Halstead? You good?"

On getting no response, Voight widened the door open with Erin just behind him. What he saw made his stomach drop.

Jay's pale, naked, lifeless body was sprawled out on the shower floor, still under the water spray, now running stone cold. The bruising and cuts from his overnight stay with Keyes showing in their full glory. Voight wondered briefly if he was dead, before discontinuing those thoughts, not allowing his head to go there. There was a large blood stain on the tiles where Voight assumed Jay's head had connected with the wall on the way down.

"Christ kid!" Voight yelled rushing over to him. "Erin call 911!"

Erin stood completely frozen to the spot. Unable to move or think, she just stared at Jay, beginning to shake. "Erin!!" Voight shouted at her, eyes wide with terror. "CALL 911!! Get an ambo here now!"

Erin snapped out of it, pulling her cell from her pocket and making the call to save Jay, she could already feel the tears in her eyes threatening to fall.

Voight immediately turned off the shower, getting soaked in the process. He dragged Jay flat on the bathroom floor and grabbed a towel to start drying him off. "He's gonna be freezing…" he thought to himself. Then screwing up his eyes he shouted angrily to himself, "He won't feel the cold if he's dead you idiot! A,B,C, manage his airway!!" The only part of this that Erin heard whilst on the phone to 911 dispatch was "Dead". Her face fell as she turned to Voight, the phone almost slipping from her hands.

"Hank?" Was all she could say, her mouth hanging open. The dispatcher's questions went unanswered. Erin watched as Voight pulled Jay's head back to open his airway and then dropped his head onto Jay's chest listening for a heart rate and watching for his chest rising and falling with each breath.

"Erin he's breathing! But it's laboured and fast. Its not normal." Voight shouted. "His lips and mouth are blue!"

On realising he was still alive, Erin switched back into action. She raised the phone to her ear and relayed the information to the dispatcher. "The EMT's are already on route to you. 4 minutes out. Keep his airway open and stay on the line. Tell me if he stops breathing." The patient operator explained.

"She says to keep his airway open!" Erin shouted. Voight glared up at her rudely, eyes wide. "What do you think I'm doing? Halstead! Jay! Can you hear me?" Voight shouted, shaking his shoulders gently, aware of the bruising and injuries from earlier.

Jay showed no response, his breathing now becoming more like gasping. "Breathe kid. Just breathe." Voight said, his voice quieter. "Erin, try his brother again."

Erin hung up on the emergency dispatcher and dialled Will again. On the fourth ring he answered. "Erin!" Will shouted, she could hear a pub environment in the background.

"Will, where are you?"

"I'm at Molly's! You 'coming down?"

"Will. It's Jay." Erin said, lowering her voice.

"Erin! I need you!" Voight screamed. "I think he's stopped breathing!"

"Will, I've got to go, meet us at Med!" Erin said, hanging up. Not having time to worry about how Will would feel with no information, probably still believing Jay was already an inpatient at Med and not unconscious, naked on his bathroom floor.

"I'm starting mouth to mouth!" Voight stated, moving into position. At that, the EMT's ran through into the bathroom. Voight began breathing into Jay's mouth.

"What the hell happened?" Sylvie shouted, Gabby close behind her. "I thought we already took him to Med this morning?"

"You did. He left. He's fallen in the shower, was breathing when we got here but he's stopped." Voight said, reaching down to breath twice into Jay's lungs for him.

"Ok!" Gabby shouted, ripping open packs and pulling out equipment needed. "You intubate, I'll start a line!"

Sylvie grabbed the ET tube and the laryngoscope, noting Jay's blue lips. Gabby turned on the O2 tank and pushed past Voight with the connected bag and mask, she slipped a pulse oximeter on Jay's finger and wedged the mask firmly over his face. She ensured his head was back and squeezed the bag. "Sylvie! It's hard to vent him, pneumothorax?"

Sylvie swung her stethoscope around and listened to Jay's chest. "Decreased sounds on the left. Maybe it is! Bag him again and I'll tube him. Then we need to get a line in!"

Voight stood, backing away, waiting next to Erin in the doorway. Staring at the scene unfolding in front of him, he felt sick to his stomach.

Sylvie pulled down on Jay's chin and passed the laryngoscope into his mouth and down over his tongue. Erin pulled herself into Voight's chest, she couldn't watch. He gripped her tight. Sylvie passed the ET tube down and swiftly connected the ventilation bag. "I'm in!" She shouted, securing the ET tube and squeezing the ventilation bag slowly, she noted the same resistance Gabby had felt.

"Line is in. I'll start fluids and get a BP." Gabby attached the ECG monitor to Jay's chest and a BP cuff to his limp arm. Alarms immediately sounded, and she looked up to Sylvie with a concerned face. "BP 70/40, he's tachy at 150 and his O2 is 82. He's gonna code."

"I think it's a tension pneumothorax. He's got multiple broken ribs and now he's fallen! Let's do a Needle Thoracostomy, I don't think it can wait." Sylvie stated. "Pass me the cannula now!"

Gabby pulled another packet out of the bag and ripped it open with her teeth. One hand reaching over to take over the ventilation bag, she passed the cannular to Sylvie. She looked up to Erin and Voight explaining, "His lung has collapsed and there's trapped air. Were gonna try and fix it."

Erin paled and looked upward to Voight. He said nothing, his face set in stone, a slight nod of understanding offered.

"Hold still Jay..." Sylvie said reassuringly. "Your brother will kill me if I get this wrong." With a tight smile, she pushed the syringe onto the cannular, and feeling for the perfect spot, she plunged the cannular into his chest.

She pulled the plunger back on the syringe and air escaped his chest. She disconnected the syringe, leaving the cannular in place. Gabby continued to squeeze the bag, trying to fill Jay's lungs with much needed air. "Heart rate is still climbing at 155, but it's slightly easier to vent him now. O2 is 90." She observed.

"Ok, I think its time to move." Sylvie ordered. Voight helped them to lift Jay onto a gurney and took over squeezing the ventilation bag so they could move him out to the waiting elevator. The alarm on the ECG monitor continued to sound warning of Jay's rising heart rate and unsatisfactory O2 levels. Gabby wrapped the large red blanket over Jay, noticing for the first time his state of undress and his now shivering body.

They entered the elevator and Voight paused to bring out his cell. He pulled up his contacts and pressed for Antonio, on the fourth ring he answered.

"Dawson it's Voight."

"What's up, it's late?" Antonio replied sleepily.

"It's Halstead. It's not good, they're taking him to Med. We had to knock his door in. Come and sort this out, will you? I'm not leaving Erin." Voight replied curtly, rubbing his head, struggling to come to terms with this evening's events.

"I'm on it. I'll join you at Med after." Antonio replied. "Oh, and Voight?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't let him wake up alone." Antonio said and hung up. Voight nodded to himself, he wouldn't let the kid be alone. Not now.

Jay was loaded into the back of the ambulance and Voight swung up into the cab offering to drive. Sylvie and Gabby climbed in the back with Erin and they sped off. Gabby continued to ventilate Jay on route and Sylvie took the opportunity of Jay being mildly stable to radio ahead and alert Med of their status. "This is 61, we're incoming with a 34-year-old male, unconscious, GCS 5, ventilated at the scene, possible pneumothorax, can we have a trauma team on standby? Over."

Tears began to spill from Erin's eyes, she was struggling to catch her own breath. She was slowly starting to feel angrier with herself for not talking Jay back to the hospital earlier. "I should never have left him…" she thought. "I'm such an idiot." Her tears turning to sobs.

A new alarm sounded, adding to the tension in the back of the ambulance. Gabby and Sylvie sprang into action. "His BP is dropping… He's gonna code… He's in PEA! O2 is falling!" Sylvie shouted. "Start compressions! ETA Voight?" She shouted into the front cab.

"Two minutes!" Voight replied. Gabby started compressions, Erin screwed her eyes tightly closed, thinking about Jay's already broken chest.

"Erin, you with me? Take over the ventilation!" Sylvie ordered. "I need to draw up the meds!" Erin moved in a daze to the head of the gurney and grabbed the ventilation bag, grateful for Gabby's instruction.

The ambulance stopped abruptly, and the back doors flew open to reveal the awaiting trauma team and a very pale, shocked Dr Halstead.

"Get him inside now!" Rhodes ordered. "Will, step back..."


	3. Chapter Three

**Hi All, thanks for the great feedback and great number of followers! The story continues and I hope it meets expectations. Again, I have done my very best with the medical jargon and hope it makes sense. Just to add, I am a HUGE CPD fan, but haven't begun watching Chicago Med yet. Therefore some of the character's in this have been taken from online research and what I've seen of the med team in CPD episodes. So if you feel they aren't quite right, I apologise, and feel free to drop me a PM with a suggestion for improvement. Thank you for reading. **

Chapter 3

"He coded 2 minutes ago, now in PEA, I've just pushed the first milligram of epi. I did a needle thoracostomy at the scene for decreased breath sounds on the left, but I think there's still a pneumothorax…" Sylvie reported to the awaiting team whilst helping to push Jay inside. Erin continued to ventilate until April took over the bag. "It's not known how long he was unconscious for at home, but he was breathing when initially found." Choi took over the chest compressions and Gabby helped with the gurney.

"Ok. Trauma one is open and prepped." Rhodes replied. The red blanket was now tucked around Jay's hips to enable CPR, Rhodes instantly saw the extent of the contusions that covered Jay's body. There was more purple than white skin showing. He helped to push Jay past Will who looked wide eyed and dazed, looking at his brother's body for the first time since the kidnapping. Will swallowed hard and took a step forward to join the team. "Please Will, let me fix this, yeah?" Rhodes said, not really expecting Will to cooperate with that order.

Will tried to answer but seemed unable to form words. His mouth opened but became instantly dry. He moistened his lips and managed a simple, "He's my brother…"

"I know." Rhodes replied with a sympathetic look. "Don't remind me." He thought to himself.

"Ok, let's start with airway and breathing, there's been no response to the first epi…" Rhodes observed over the sounds of multiple warning alarms. Gabby continued chest compressions. Taking his stethoscope, Rhodes listened to Jay's chest. "I'm not getting good breath sounds on either side despite the ventilation. Let's prep for a thoracostomy please. Turn he O2 up." Maggie reached in and connected Jay's ECG from the portable monitor to the fixed hospital units. The poor heart rhythm displayed for them all to see.

Rhodes continued his examination with haste, noting Jay's distended neck veins. "He's in obstructive shock. The pneumothorax is putting pressure on his heart, causing the cardiac arrest." Rhode said thinking out loud. "Either that or there's a large pericardial effusion. Someone get the portable ultrasound in case the drain doesn't work! Someone page the OR, he may need to go up. Maggie, can you push another round of epi?"

"Another round of epi in now…" Maggie responded. The alarms continued to sound, but the team continued working on Jay like a well-practiced routine. Choi stepped forward and took over from Gabby doing chest compressions.

Erin and Voight were standing with Will at the door to Trauma one. They didn't want to watch but equally found themselves unable to look away. "Why aren't they shocking him?" Voight asked Will.

Snapping back into doctor mode Will glanced briefly at Voight and then straight back to Jay. "PEA is not a shockable rhythm." He screwed his eyes shut. "Shit Jay, why did you leave?" Will said softly to himself.

Rhodes grabbed the sterile chest drain kit and passed it to Choi. "This is your area of expertise. I'll take over compressions." They switched sides and instantly Choi cut through Jay's chest. He pushed a gloved finger inside the opening and ensured he was in the correct space.

Erin took a gasp and her hand flew to her mouth. She looked to Voight and he reached out for her. "This can't be happening…" She mumbled. Will was rocking, unable to stand still, trying to control the overwhelming urge to get in the room and help. Voight considered briefly whether he would have to physically hold the older Halstead back.

Choi passed the clear tubing deep into the incision and connected the end to the water seal chamber and looked up to Rhodes. "Any change?"

"A little…" Rhodes listening to Jay's chest again. "Still in PEA. Let's do another one on this side. And another Epi Maggie!" He ordered, opening another kit.

Choi sutured the first drain in place and then repeated the procedure on the other side, this time the results were more instant. Some of the air began to drain from his chest and the pressure on the heart reduced, enabling it to beat again. Two alarms stopped, "Normal sinus rhythm." April announced. "Carotid pulse is back!" The blood pressure cuff tightened on his arm. April connected the ventilation machine to Jay's ET tube to take over breathing for him.

"Ok. Let's prep him for a central line. Get another peripheral line in and can we get a base line arterial blood gas?" Rhodes ordered, only now taking a second to glance up at Will. Will still looked shocked, his hands running though his hair. "Let's see if he's making urine, can we get a Foley?"

"He's still tachy at 110, but his BP is 100/50." April voiced the results on the monitor to the team.

Maggie stepped towards the three watching at the glass door. "Maybe this next bit doesn't need an audience?" She smiled sympathetically. "Shall we move to the waiting area?"

All three of them glared at Maggie. "Seriously?" Will said glaring at her, not at all interested in moving away from the window. Voight began preparing himself for Will's to lose it.

"Great, his circulatory system is coming back…" Rhodes said, reaching for his pen light. Next step was to continue the trauma assessment. He gently pulled one of Jay's eye lids open and ran the pen light over to check pupil dilation. "Pupils are a little dilated. Has he…" Rhodes didn't get to finish his sentence as Jay took the restoration of his circulatory system as a great opportunity to try and wake up.

Jay sensed that he had woken up in Keye's basement again, blindfolded he couldn't see a thing, but he knew Keye's men were all around him. Immediately, Jay knew something was seriously wrong, he tried to scream but no sound would come out. "They're trying to fucking choke me?" He thought. "And I can't even scream for help!" He could feel something deep in his throat, he gagged and tried to reach up with his hands to get it out. It felt like someone was crushing his chest, forcing too much air into him. "Can't breathe!" Panic was setting in. On moving his arms, he felt the raging burn of two stab wounds in his chest, his heart was pounding. "Fuck!" He screamed in his head. The shocking pain didn't stop him from desperately trying to get to his throat. "Where the fuck is Voight? HELP!" Jay silently screamed inside. Someone strong grabbed hold of his hands and forced them back down. Jay then began the fight for his life.

"He's waking up!" Rhodes shouted. "Jay… Jay, can you hear me? You're in Chicago Med. You're safe."

The team watched as Jay began to try and pull his ET tube out. Rhodes launched into action, forcibly pulling Jay's arms back down towards the bed. "Don't touch the tubes Jay, they're helping you!" Rhodes said. Jay began thrashing his legs wildly, almost knocking April over who was abandoning her attempt at a urinary catheter. Rhodes was struggling to keep Jay's arms down. "Start a rapid sedation!" He ordered. "Midazolam 10mg and Pancuronium 8mg. Jay we're gonna help you, it's ok!"

Maggie rushed in and began preparing the anaesthesia medicine. Will came flying in behind her, followed by Voight and Erin. "Jay! Jay! Calm down, it me, it's Will!" He shouted, desperately trying to get Jay's attention. Will touched Jay's shoulder supportively and his thrashing stepped up to a new level. The red blanket fell to the floor, and Jay was now trying to sit up, the chest tubes pulling tight and the vent stretched to its full capacity. "He's triggering the vent!" Will said looking up to April, "Turn it to pressure support mode! He's gonna panic if it keeps filling his lungs. He'll never get in sync with it whilst he's like this! Jay! You have to calm down."

Voight looked at the scene in front of him and thought back to Antoniou's words earlier on the cell phone. "Don't let him wake up alone." He had said. "He's not here! He thinks we're hurting him!" Voight stated.

He took a step towards Jay and shouted gruffly. "Halstead! It's Voight. Calm down!" The team turned to look at him, Voight's voice had a strong sense of command. They continued to forcibly restrain Jay, anxious not to hurt him more than he already was. "His eyes are closed." Voight observed. "Halstead! Open your eyes. Now!" He barked.

Jay's hearing began to come back and despite fighting for his life he was pretty sure he heard Voight's barking order. He continued to thrash, gagging uncontrollably, pleased when he felt his fists connect with someone or something, he hoped he might be winning. "If Voight's here? Why the fuck isn't he helping me?" Jay started shaking his head in disbelief. "I can't see, I'm blindfolded you dick!"

"The meds are ready Rhodes…" Maggie reached forward with the syringes.

"They're useless! He's pulled his cannular out!" Choi noticed. "We could give it IM?"

"If you can hold him steady, I'll re-cannulate." Rhodes decided. "We need to get his fluids re-connected now anyway. Get the soft restraints."

"NO!" Both Choi and Will shouted to Rhodes, who looked up in response. "It'll make him worse." Choi said. "Just don't."

"Maybe we should extubate." Will said, Rhodes shook his head. Jay continued to fight and punch at anything he could reach.

"No way. He was in PEA just 4 minutes ago!" Rhodes argued.

"He's ripped his monitoring off, but he's definitely hyperventilating. He's gonna collapse…" April said, trying to count his respiratory rate.

"Halstead!" Voight tried again. "Open your eye's kid! You're at med! Will's here!"

Jay was weakening fast, he wasn't going to be able to fight these guys off much longer, he couldn't believe his team weren't trying to help him. His arms and legs became very heavy and he was starting to feel faint. He heard Voight asking him to open his eyes. He slowed his movements and tried desperately to crack his eye lids open.

"Jay! Look at me Jay! It's Will." Will moved in front of Jay's face. His eyes began to twitch open and he stared straight into his brother's eyes. "That's it, brother. You're doing fine, we've got you, ok?" Will took a deep breath out and looked up at the team.


	4. Chapter Four

**Thanks again for the feedback and followers. Here's the next instalment! Please feel free to review/pm if you feel something isn't quite right. Enjoy. **

Chapter Four

Jay was unable to speak so he continued to stare up at his brother, eyes now wide open. He creased his forehead, trying to work out why Will was at Keye's house. "Oh fuck, they've taken Will too!" He thought. "Oh god, have they tortured him? I'm gonna kill every single last one of them..." He moved his head to the side slightly and Voight came into view. "Ok, Voight looks pissed. Something bad has happened here…" Jay glanced downwards towards his feet, "Where the fuck are my clothes?!" Jay glared back up at Will's face. Jay could feel he was still being restrained, his body ached, and he was now starting to shiver violently.

"Jay it's ok. You're at Chicago Med. You're safe, you have to trust me." Will said unable to tear his eyes away from his brother. He was acutely aware that Jay was now shivering but was anxious to spook Jay anymore by trying to cover him up right now. He was only just starting to calm down.

Voight leaned forward, "Hey kid, you need to let the team help you here, ok? No one is trying to hurt you anymore."

Jay tried to make his brain understand what was what being said to him, "Is this Keye's place? Are they trying to trick me? They just fucking stabbed me whilst holding me down…" He thought to himself. "Or did they?" Everything was so confusing to Jay; his head was scrambled. With fast depleting adrenaline levels, the pain from Jay's multiple injuries began to build intensively. Maggie couldn't hold back any longer watching Jay's trembling body, she picked up the blanket and gently placed it over Jay's lower half. Gently tucking it in, she whispered quietly to April to go fetch the warming blankets. As soft as she was, Jay still flinched violently at the contact, causing the pain to peak to a new level.

"Jay, stay with us buddy, it's ok. Jay…" Rhodes exclaimed, sensing Jay was about to start thrashing again.

Jay threw his head back and bucked up off the gurney, desperately trying to get away from the pain in his chest. His hands broke free and his arms flew up trying to pull at the two chest tubes. Choi and Will quickly grabbed an arm each, bringing him back down to the gurney. They squeezed his hands tightly to reassure him. The ET tube in his throat caused the gagging reflex to start up all over again, and his eyes began to water. The panic was returning, and Will was helpless to stop it.

Seeing his brother in agony and so visibly destressed sent Will back to being incapable of forming words again. His other hand flew to his mouth and he looked up, switching from Rhodes to Choi, silently begging them to help Jay, desperation filling his face.

"Jay we're gonna make you comfortable." Rhodes said, moving forward. "I need you to hold steady whilst we put a line in your arm and then we'll get you sorted ok?"

Jay nodded slightly, noticing black spots dancing in front of his eyes again. His breathing seemed to be getting faster and his heart felt like it was pounding. The blackness increased and shortly after, his eyes rolled upwards, and he finally passed out.

"Well that makes it easier!" Choi said, letting go of Jay. "Let's get him sorted!"

Will dropped Jay's limp hand and backed up towards the glass door, Voight following close behind. The team were moving swiftly around Jay, stabilising him. Voight then snapped his head up realising that Erin was missing.

"Wait, Will, where did Erin go?" Voight said, quickly glancing up and down the corridor.

"Huh?" Will said, clearly not listening, he couldn't even look at Voight. He continued to stare at his brother as he saw much needed pain relief and anaesthesia being administered.

"I'm going to find her…" Voight announced to himself, walking off. He hoped that Erin wasn't thinking of doing anything stupid because of this. He briefly thought back to how he had told Erin Jay being abducted was all her fault this morning. "Shit." He cursed, jaw tight. Erin was not in a stable place herself for this to happen.

Antonio came rushing through the ambulance bay of Chicago Med with Al, looking for Jay's room. He walked up to the desk and went to ask where he was, but the staff instantly recognised them both and pointed over to Will standing outside trauma one. Antonio half smiled in thanks and turned towards the room.

"Will…" He said, touching Will's arm, noticing how he flinched under his hand. "How's he doing?"

"Yeah, how's he doing man?" Al added quietly, looking into Jay's room, shocked at what was unfolding in there.

Will blew a big breath out, not quite sure where to start. "He arrived intubated and in cardiac arrest." He answered stunned, in a trance like state.

Al and Antonio glanced at each other and then turned back to Will. "Then what happened?" Al said softly.

"They did a double thoracostomy and his heart re-started by itself…" He paused remembering. "And then he woke up." Will said, still not taking his eye's off Jay for a second.

Al and Antonio looked at each other again, this time Al raised his eye brows. "I can't think that went well." Al answered.

Maggie approached Will and directed him to a chair, close to Jay's room so he could continue to observe. She passed a warm cup of sweet tea to Will and told him he had to drink it. He looked like he was going to collapse and join Jay, flat out in a trauma bay.

Voight continued looking for Erin. It hadn't been long since she left, and she couldn't have made it very far. He passed the ladies bathroom and then stopped suddenly. He doubled back and pounded on the door.

"Erin! You in there?" He bellowed. There was no answer, so he walked straight in. He walked up along the line of stalls. In the last one, he found Erin sat on a closed toilet seat, her legs tucked up and her chin resting on her knees. Her eyes were red, she had been crying.

Voight stood there looking at her. At this moment she seemed so young, so vulnerable. "I know I'm a detective, but you were pretty easy to find." He said.

"What did they do to him Hank?" She asked, her voice a soft whisper, eyes down.

Voight swallowed, trying to work out the best answer to give her. She was obviously on a self-destructive path here.

"Erin…" Voight started, and she interrupted.

"Hank!" She looked up, voice growing in strength. "You said you watched a video, right? What did they do to him?"

Voight moistened his lips and replied. "Erin, the video showed him tided to the roof by his wrists, being punched and tasered." He closed his eyes, not wanting to remember it. "They treated him like an animal."

"Jay's tough Hank. Why is he dying?" She replied, still sounding like a little girl.

"Erin, that video…" Voight paused trying to word his answer carefully. "I think that was just the beginning. It wouldn't surprise me if Derek tried all night to get him to talk."

Erin pulled a face of disgust. "They must have got bored of fists and tasers then, because…" She waved her arm in the direction of the room Jay was currently clinging to life in. "Fist's alone didn't do this. Hank this is all my fault…" She sobbed.

"Here we go…" Thought Voight. "No Erin, it's not."

"It is. Why the hell did I take him home? Why didn't I drag his ass back here?" She closed her eyes. "You said it yourself this morning. If you'd just had more eyes at the airport?" She looked up to him.

"I was angry. Disappointed in the decisions you were making. I was out of line." Voight said, apologies didn't come easy for Voight.

"Yeah well, the "decisions" I've been making over the last few weeks clearly screwed with my detective skills." She stated, angry at herself. "I should have known something was up. He was my god damn partner. IS my god damn partner!" The sobbing started again.

"Kid this isn't on you, ok? You need to be here for Halstead now. Not feeling sorry for yourself in the bathroom stall." Voight continued, his no-nonsense directness back. "It's late. You're tired. When they stabilise him and move him to where ever he's going, I'm taking you home and you're going to sleep. That's an order."

Erin nodded. She was dead on her feet and felt like she too would be passing out soon. She went to stand up and then stopped. "Hank. We need to tell Mouse."

Voight nodded. "Yeah, we do." He knew Halstead and Mouse were close. This was a phone call that couldn't wait until morning.

Back in trauma one, Rhodes was completing a thorough examination of a now heavily sedated Jay. He remained ventilated and the plan was to maintain that until his injuries were repaired, and he could begin to be weaned from sedation and breathe independently.

"Ok, IV fluids are running with a pressure bag. Did the bloods get sent Choi?" Rhodes asked.

"Yeah, sent up to the lab 5 minutes ago. Initial blood gas results are surprisingly ok to." He replied, holding the printed slip up to Rhodes to read.

"Ok, great. April, is he making urine? Where are we with his observations?" Rhodes enquired. April pulled the catheter bag upwards to see and then moved towards the monitors.

"Yes, he is. But it's a very small amount of urine passed, it's heavily blood stained. Urinalysis shows ketones as well, he's dehydrated." She said glancing up to the team, her expression worried. She continued, "Obs are stable, BP 90/50, pulse 135, respiration rate running at 18 per minute, sats are stable at 97% and his temp is 36.2."

"Hmmm. Ok, he could have bruising to the kidneys or maybe there's a laceration. The skin around his back there is purple and black. He's been hit with something very hard." The team fell silent, the discussion of Jay's injuries was disturbing to listen to. All of them imagining what he must have gone through. "His temperature should come up now he's got the warming blankets on, let's ensure he doesn't become hyperthermic."

"It's clear he's been involved in significant trauma here. As well as being beaten, I can see burn marks too…" He said pointing to the red welts on Jay's skin. "I think if he's stable enough, let's get him to CT." Rhodes decided. "His pupils are a little dilated, it's likely there's a concussion and with these contusions, we could be looking at multiple broken bones." The team nodded in agreement.

Antonio knocked quietly on the glass door, stepping inside. The team were still busy with Jay, too busy to acknowledge his entry. "Rhodes, I'm sorry to interrupt, but we've just been to Jay's place. I'm not sure if its any use to you but there was evidence in the bathroom that not only had Jay been drinking tonight, but that he had been vomiting as well." Antonio's detective skills were always in action.

"Drinking?" Rhodes's head snapped up, he looked at Antonio.

"Yeah, there was an empty beer bottle in the bathroom where he was found unconscious. And a significant amount of vomit around the toilet and inside. It seems he hit his head on the way down when he collapsed, there was a blood stain on the tiles." Antonio answered, now looking at Jay.

Rhodes's expression was pained. "Bloody hell Jay, first you walk out of here, then you think having a beer will help?" He asked, clearly not expecting a reply. "Ok, thanks Tony, I'll bear it in mind. We're heading up to CT and then likely the OR."

Antonio nodded and turned to walk out, not wanting to interrupt or distract the team any longer. Rhodes began to change Jay's monitoring systems to portable units and his ventilation was switched back to being manually controlled by April ready for the journey to the CT scanner.

Outside, Will sensed that the situation was changing in trauma one. He slowly stood up and went towards the door, he heard Rhodes asking Choi about Jay's medical history.

"He has no allergies; he doesn't take any meds and he's fit and healthy." Will answered automatically. Rhodes and Choi turned to look at him in the doorway, noticing how pale he was looking. "He was medically discharged from the Rangers, but I still don't know the full details on that one." Will said solemnly. "As for the events of the last 24 hours, that led us to this… You'll have to ask Voight and the team. Because I have no idea. They told me he was walking wounded and likely just spending the night here for routine observation. I should have bloody checked…" Will looked like he was holding back tears, he was angry at himself. He took it personally when someone in his family got injured or became severely unwell, as if somehow it was a reflection on him as a doctor.

"Will, let's not play the blame game. We need to focus on getting him settled and comfortable, yeah?" Choi said, sympathetically. Will just nodded slowly.

Outside the front entrance to Chicago Med, Voight pulled his cell phone from his pocket and looked up at the night sky for inspiration and hope.

"Mouse… It's Voight."


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

"Voight. Right, yeah, ok. It's err… like one am, what's up?" Mouse said, trying to sound more awake than he was. He hadn't slept the whole time Jay was missing and had finally crashed into bed tonight and promptly passed out exhausted.

"Its Jay." Voight said, straight to the point.

"He discharged himself didn't he." Mouse stated, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, he did. The result wasn't good. He's now back in Med." Voight wondered how much he should share over the phone.

"How bad?" Mouse said quietly after a brief pause.

Voight rubbed his forehead with his fist thinking. "He went into cardiac arrest when they bought him in. But they got him back. They're still…"

"I'm on my way." Mouse interrupted and hung up. Voight slowly lowered his cell phone and slipped it back into his pocket. He expected nothing less.

Voight walked back inside to find trauma one now empty, it stopped him in his tracks immediately. For a split second he thought he had missed something horrendous happening, then Maggie approached him smiling.

"Voight, they've taken him to CT. He's stable and sedated. He's one lucky boy that Halstead Junior. Your team are in the waiting room upstairs." She said sympathetically.

"My team? They're here?" Voight answered, smiling. Now feeling relief that Halstead is finally stable. "Like a family. Everyone has to be here for him." He thought to himself.

"Yeah, they are. Shall I show you the way?" She offered.

"I'm good." He said, walking briskly towards the elevator.

He arrived at the 3rd floor waiting area. Walking in, he saw Dawson and Al sat together, quietly talking and Will sat by himself, staring into the corridor, he didn't acknowledge Voight's arrival. Tucked around the corner was Erin, restlessly perched on the edge of a plastic chair, her nose running and pale complexion standing out. Voight frowned looking at Erin, trying to interpret what he was seeing.

"Hey boss." Antonio greeted Voight, he moved some magazines from the chair next to him, suggesting Voight should sit down. "Where have you been?"

Voight nodded a silent hello to Al and sat down into the chair heavily. "I called Mouse. He's coming in."

"Ah ok. Thought he might. Those two are pretty close eh?" Antonio said.

"Military service will do that to you." Al said, understanding. They both nodded but didn't reply, both thinking about Halstead's tough military past.

"She ok?" Al eventually said, nodding his head towards Erin.

"Yes and no." Voight responded quietly, glancing in her direction. She now seemed to be sweating and was constantly fidgeting on her chair. "I think I might need to take her home soon."

Al and Antonio had an idea what was causing Erin's odd behaviour, years of experience working with drug users made them competent to diagnose what they could clearly see. Al spoke up quietly. "Let me know if you need a hand with anything man?"

"Thank you. How's the other Halstead doing over there?" Voight enquired. "Have his eyes moved away from that corridor at all?" They all looked over to Will. His posture was slouched, he looked exhausted.

"Not since he sat down." Antonio said. "Either there's a really interesting poster there or he's in some kind of shock."

"Hmmm." Voight said. He stood up and walked over to Will. "Hey Will…" He said, the older Halstead just stared forward.

"Will?" Voight touched his shoulder softly. He flinched and suddenly looked up to Voight.

"Hey. Sorry, I was in my own world." Will offered in explanation. "I err… it's been a long time. Since I slept."

"I'm sure. How are you holding up?" Voight asked, not truly comfortable with this type of discussion.

"I… I just can't piece it all together. It's like its all whirling around in my head, not making any sense." Will said, Voight looked puzzled and Will continued. "Why on earth he just got up and left, how did he even make it home?! Why did no one tell me he was no longer here?!" Will said, becoming louder and more upset. Voight's face pained at Will's obvious distress. "I was at fucking Molly's Voight! My brother was dying, _alone_, at home. And I was in the fucking pub!" Will shouted.

"Hey, hey, Will. Calm down! This isn't on you." Voight tried to de-escalate the situation. "It seems everyone wants to blame themselves for this mess." Voight thought.

"It's not my fault? Hmm?" Will snapped, standing up and making direct eye contact with Voight. Voight steadied himself for action, instantly noticing Will's fists clenching and unclenching. "Here it comes…" He thought.

"Then who's fucking fault is this Voight? Because if you dare say this is my brother's fault, I'll…" Will stopped, unsure what to say next, he held his breath feeling incredibly angry with the whole situation. Antonio and Al jumped up to intervene.

"Hey, what's going on?" Mouse said, walking into the waiting room and taking in the scene in front of him. Will looked like he was about to hit Voight and the others were primed and ready to step in. Erin was in the corner, agitated and shaky, looking a lot like a withdrawing addict. "What the hell have I walked in to?" He asked himself. "Where is Jay?" He asked the group.

They all stopped instantly. Looking over to Mouse and hearing him say the name Jay, they were reminded why they were all here. For Jay. Will unclenched his fists and collapsed down into the chair he had only risen from moments before. Voight stepped back.

"Sit down Mouse, we'll update you." Antonio said gravely.

In the radiology department, Jay was temporarily resting inside the main CT Scanner, having a full body image taken. This process took a little time and Rhodes, Choi and April waited behind the glass in the technician's room. All that was visible of Jay was his feet sticking out under the blanket. He was still covered in the warming blankets and various pieces of monitoring equipment rested along side him. He was attached to the ventilation system again and was heavily sedated. They did not need Jay to wake up in the CT scanner alone.

"We're almost done here." The technician stated, looking at his multiple computer screens. Suddenly the sounds of warning alarms began to fill the room that Jay was in.

"Shit." Rhodes shouted. "Are we done? Can we go in there?" Rhodes said in desperation. They needed the scan finished, but also needed to see what was happening to Jay.

"Almost…" The technician answered. The team moved towards the door, waiting to rush in immediately. "Ok, we're done."

Rhodes came flying through the door first and began looking at the monitors. Choi followed in and pulled out his stethoscope, listening to Jay's chest. The alarms continued to sound. April read out the findings.

"Rhodes, his sat's are falling. He's at 82%!" April stated.

"I can see that." Rhodes said frustrated. "Take him off the vent and manually bag him! 100% Oxygen!" He ordered. Looking down he noted Jay now had nasal flaring, he looked at the monitor to see his heart rate racing. "He's tachycardic. What do you think Choi?" He asked.

"He's got two thoracostomy's. I don't think it's another pneumothorax. Pericardial effusion?" Choi guessed.

"Yeah, you could be right. Shit Jay. Ok…" Rhodes was about to make a plan, when further, more high-pitched alarms sounded. "His blood pressure is dropping."

"He's hard to bag here!" April announced. "Sat's are still falling."

"Listen to his heart Choi!" Rhodes ordered, getting a little flustered. Choi wasted no time placing the stethoscope back on Jay's chest.

"Muffled heart sounds." Choi said looking up to Rhodes. They both knew what this meant. Beck's triad, three clinical findings that signify the devastating diagnosis of cardiac tamponade.

"Guys he's in PEA again!" April shouted, turning around and whacking the large red emergency button on the wall. "Start compressions!"

Choi instantly began pounding Jay's chest again, no longer even thinking about Jay's broken, damaged body. This was now life or death.

"April don't stop bagging him! Let's get him straight to the OR now!" Rhodes shouted, as multiple people began to swarm into the room.

"Help us transfer him back to the gurney!" Rhodes commanded, with the help of the assistants in the room, they quickly slid him over to the gurney and instantly began moving towards the OR, CPR continuing with haste. Unfortunately, the way to the OR involved them passing the waiting room and Jay's awaiting friends and family.

Voight and Will noticed the team approaching them first, they both sprung up from the chairs, the other's following suit at their reaction.

"Jay!" Will screamed, stepping forward to leave the waiting room, his hands flying to his mouth and then he stopped dead. The team rushed past; they didn't even acknowledge Will. They just rushed towards the OR. They passed by in seconds, but Will had seen enough and knew what he saw wasn't good. He sank down to his knees. His face in his hands and began to sob uncontrollably. He pointlessly wracked his brain for statistics on the likelihood of a patient being bought back from PEA twice in one night.

"What just happened?" Antonio asked, looking at Voight. Al rushed to Will's assistance, kneeling on the floor, he placed an arm around his shoulder, encouraging him gently to breathe. Mouse hadn't even risen from his seat, he wasn't sure his legs would keep him upright, his mouth was dry as he contemplated the shocking fact that he might actually lose Jay tonight. His best friend.

Erin stepped forward to Voight, "Should we go and ask someone?" She said softly. Her rapid breathing, sweating forehead and agitated state not going unnoticed by Voight.

"No." He barked, harshly. Erin jumped. Al and Antonio glanced up at Voight. "Stay here. Before you fall over. I'll go and find out what's happening and then I'm taking you home." Erin went to argue and then noticed Voight's stern face. There was no point in even trying to argue this one. She felt horrendous and was pretty sure she was going to throw up soon.

Voight left the waiting room and ventured down the corridor in the direction they had just taken Halstead. He walked around a corner and bumped directly into Maggie.

"Oh Voight! I just heard!" She said, looking distressed. "I was just coming to see you all…"

"What have you heard? We just saw them rush past with Jay and it didn't look good. I thought he was stable?" He asked. Maggie pulled him softly to the edge of the corridor, she tilted her head to the side and took a deep breath, a soft look on her face.

"She's about to give me bad news…." Voight thought to himself. He had given bad news many times himself and knew the look of a professional about to share something they would rather not. "What is it Maggie?" Voight said a little rudely, unfairly taking out his frustration at the situation, on Maggie.

"His heart has stopped again Hank." She said quietly.

"Let me guess, you're doing everything you can?" Voight said a little sarcastically. Maggie glanced downwards, looking hurt. "I'm sorry Maggie. I don't mean to take it out on you. He's one of mine, you know? I sent him in there." Voight said, voicing his anxiety for the first time about who really was to blame for the whole situation with Keyes. He looked down at his boots, ashamed to face Maggie.

"I know Hank. And they really are doing everything they can. You know that. Rhodes and Choi have him on the table as we speak." She paused to think. "He's got a good team. Shall we go and see the others?"

Voight looked up. "Yeah, let's go tell his brother Jay's back to square one again…" He thought. He rubbed his face with his hands, scratching them against the newly formed stubble. They turned together and headed back down the corridor.


	6. Chapter Six

**Hi all, thanks for sticking with this story. I appreciate the reviews and new followers.. For those of you anxious about Jay in this, don't worry he's in for a bumpy ride, but the whump is continuing and no one is being written out **** It's a bit of a long one, but enjoy….**

Chapter Six

Voight and Maggie walked into the waiting room. The tension was palpable in the room. Al had managed to get Will to calm down and he was now sat back on a chair, with a poor vending machine coffee resting in his hands. Mouse looked shocked, pale and sat forward anxiously awaiting news at their arrival, he's eyes dark and exhausted. Being dragged from your bed at night with traumatic news wasn't good for anyone. Erin had tucked herself back around the corner, her withdrawal clearly worsening. She was crying softly, her sleeves resting in front of her face. The group looked distraught, particularly Will, as he knew what was coming.

"Is he dead?" Will managed to croak out.

Maggie took a deep breath and started, "No Will, he's not dead. Rhodes said he developed a pericardial effusion in the CT scanner." She paused walking over to Will and crouched down in front of him. She gripped both of his hands in hers, squeezed to offer comfort and continued. "Will, he tamponaded and then went into cardiac arrest again."

Will nodded. "I guessed that." He mumbled. "Saw them working on him." Maggie began rubbing his hands with her thumbs, to try and ease his suffering. She continued.

"They rushed him straight through to surgery. They're working on him now. He's strong Will, remember that."

"What is Rhodes plan? Is he doing a pericardiocentesis?" Will asked, looking up, almost hating that he understood so much.

"I don't know Will. But they are helping him." She said reassuringly.

Will's earlier urges to rush in and help with Jay's care had dampened with the ever-growing exhaustion. How long had he even been awake for now? Nearly 36 hours? Even then, it was only a quick nap before that. He was certain that he would not be capable of performing surgery right now, no matter how much he desperately wanted to help his brother. He wasn't even sure he could stand. He had to trust his colleagues.

Voight stepped forward and went to speak but Maggie put her hand up to stop him. "It's ok, you guys are next…" She stood and faced the others. "So, his heart stopped beating again because the pouch around his heart began filling with blood. This can happen sometimes in a trauma. Unfortunately, the pouch filled so much that his heart was struggling to beat. Hence the cardiac arrest." She stared at the group waiting for a response, blank faces stared back at her.

"One of those cardiac arrests where you can't shock him again?" Voight asked. Maggie raised her eyebrows at the question, she wasn't expecting that.

"Yes, you're right. But they are working on him in the OR. They will do everything they can." Maggie glanced over to Erin, she looked very unwell. "Erin are you ok?"

Mouse sprung up out of his seat. "I need some air…" He announced and left the room looking pale. Voight looked at Al, and without any words, Al knew to follow Mouse outside. Voight needed to stay and sort out Erin, she was his priority right now, it was clear she couldn't be put off any longer.

"I'm fine." She stuttered, now shivering intensely, despite a light sheen of sweat covering her face.

Maggie and Voight looked at each other, clearly disagreeing with her opinion. At that Erin bolted up and ran to the visitor's bathroom opposite the waiting room.

"How long as she been clean Voight?" Will asked quietly, still looking at the floor. Although he was beyond exhausted, he was clearly still observant, and perhaps Jay had also updated him on Erin's absence over the last few weeks. Voight was unsure whether to answer at first, he just glared back at Will, angry at his blasé comment. He could be angry at Erin, but he was also very much a typical overprotective father. He didn't appreciate others throwing out accusations about Erin, even if they were correct.

"About 24 hours." He answered quietly, going against his anger. Maggie looked over to Voight surprised.

"What was she on?" She enquired. "Oxy?"

"Probably. She'll be ok, I need to take her home. We've done this before." Maggie looked even more surprised. She moved to the side as Voight walked past and out of the waiting room to find Erin. He pushed the door to the bathroom open slightly. "Erin?" He called out. But he wasn't expecting a reply, as the sound of violent retching was the response he got.

Voight turned back to see Maggie and Will talking, he spoke up "She's vomiting, Maggie."

Maggie came over to help, Will stayed glued to the chair, unable to even get up. Although he now noticed he was alone and felt himself relax a little, appreciating a moment's privacy. Maggie went into the bathroom and Voight followed.

"Erin, it's Maggie. Can I come in?" She asked, gently pushing the stall door open. Voight hung back by the sinks observing. Erin's face was hovering just above the toilet bowl, her face pale and sweaty. She was trying to decide if it would be easier to go find Bunny and grab another fix. Anything would be easier than this. "Oh sweetheart, come on, let's get you sorted." Erin started to cry; pretty sure that Maggie's "Sorted" was different to Bunny's "Sorted". She slumped back down to the floor shivering. Maggie touched her forehead with the back of her hand. "Gosh, you're burning up. You have a fever Erin."

Voight shook his head in annoyance, trying not to say anything he'd later regret. He didn't need this from her tonight. A wild withdrawal session. He should have pre-empted this, but he'd been a little pre-occupied tonight with Halstead. He looked up realising Maggie was talking to him.

"Hank? We need to get her settled somewhere. I think you should take her home." She said.

"No. I really don't want to leave him…" A rough voice said from behind. They both stared at Erin. "What?" She said angrily. "He's my partner!"

"Well, you should have thought about that a little sooner." Voight spat harshly, unable to hold in his angry words any longer. He asked Maggie is there was something he could give her to make this easier for them both. Maggie nodded and left the bathroom to organise some medicine, leaving Voight to rush forward and hold Erin's hair back as another round of vomiting began.

Walking past the waiting room, Maggie heard Will speak up. "Get her some Zofran." He stated robotically. Maggie put her head around the corner to look at him. "Ok Doctor. Thank you." She replied with a smile.

Outside the hospital, Al and Mouse stood together in silence taking in the night air. It was warmer out than they were both expecting. Al was looking at the sheer number of ambulances constantly bringing people into Med. Even in the middle of the night. He figured Mouse would talk when he was ready.

Eventually Mouse did speak up. "We were always there for each other. You know?"

"I know." Al replied. He did know, he knew all about the type of friendships formed on the battlefield.

"He err…" Mouse tried to explain further, unable to find the right words. Al wasn't sure, but he thought he could see Mouse welling up. "I err… I wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for Jay."

"He's a good kid." Al smiled.

"Do you think the others would want to be here? Ruzek, Atwater?" Mouse asked, trying to deflect the focus away from him by changing the subject. He wiped at his eyes, hoping Al hadn't noticed. Al got the hint.

"It's a good point." Al said, raising his eyebrows. "I'll call them." He turned away from Mouse pulling his cell phone out. Mouse took a moment to get himself back together. If, no, _when_ Jay got through this, he was going to need all of Mouse's strength and friendship to stop him stepping back into the dark again. He briefly wondered if Will would bother helping with that bit this time. Then he shook his head in anger at his own comment. "That wasn't called for." He thought. "Don't be a dick."

The cell phone rang and on the fourth ring, it was answered. "Adam, it's Al."

Al and Mouse finished making calls and found themselves slowly walking back up to the waiting room. They were surprised to find Will asleep. His head resting on the top of the chair next to him, mouth open. He looked like he had simply passed out, unable to stay awake a second longer. Erin and Voight had disappeared. "Probably not a bad thing." Mouse thought to himself. Antonio watched them walk back in with a silent nod of greeting. No one wanted to disturb Will. Al sat next to Antonio and Jay found a seat on another row. Despite the craziness in the ER, the OR floor had quietened down, and they were now the only ones in the waiting room.

Before long, Voight appeared at the door of the women's bathroom. Al looked at Antonio puzzled, Antonio shook his head, silently saying, don't worry about it. Al pulled a face and rested back in his chair. Voight bought Erin out of the bathroom and sat her down, she was too ashamed to look up at the others. He walked up to Al to voice his plan.

"She needs to go Al." Voight said quietly, glancing at Erin. "I'm gonna take her home and stay with her. It's nearly morning. I'll stay with her until lunch and then see if she's well enough to be left, so I can come back."

"Ok man. You sure you have to stay with her?" Al asked, knowing Voight would rather be at the hospital.

"Yeah. She'll run straight back to Bunny like this. I owe it to Jay to help keep her clean." Voight said, lowering his eyes in thought.

"Right. Well. Let me know if you need anything." Al said kindly.

"Thanks mate. Call me yeah, if there's any change. I need to know Al."

"I know, I know." Al reassured him. Voight helped Erin up and with Maggie's medication in his pocket, they left. Voight remembered his SUV was abandoned outside Halstead's place. He called a cab for them both and settled down outside with Erin to wait for it.

In OR Three, Rhodes and Choi continued to work on Jay into the morning hours. His abnormal heart rhythm had been reversed early into the surgery with two emergency procedures. This automatically improved his baseline observations. There was a brief pause whilst the two doctors reviewed the CT results. Locating injuries and areas of concern, they formulated a logical order to repair Jay's injuries. Then the repair began, his internal bleeding was bought back under control and all broken bones re set and ready to begin the slow process of healing. Small wounds were sutured back together, and dressings applied. Jay's observations continued to remain stable and the two doctors finally closed up and prepared to move Jay to the ITU.

"You ok Choi?" Rhodes asked him, noticing his yawning behind his face mask.

"I'm good. Just ready for this to be over."

"Yeah, I'm with you there. Shall we go speak to Will?" He asked.

"You go." Choi replied. "I'll go with Jay and give a full hand over to the ITU team."

Rhodes wondered fleetingly if Choi wasn't quite ready to leave Jay yet, they were good friends. This had to be hard on Choi. They both removed their sterile blood covered gowns and gloves and threw them in the clinical waste bin. Rhodes felt odd leaving Jay for the first time in a while, but he was in safe hands and would soon be settled in the ITU.

Rhodes walked into the waiting room to find the whole team asleep. Mouse, Ruzek and Atwater had now arrived and were as deeply asleep as the others. It seemed no one had managed any sleep whilst Jay was kidnapped, and sleep was only being taken now because they simply had no other choice. Sleep found them. Choi noticed that Voight and Erin were missing, he wondered briefly where they had gone and then Mouse began to stir.

"Hey…" Rhodes said, loudly to try and rouse the others.

"Hey." Mouse said back, desperately trying to read Rhodes' face. Was he alive, or dead? Rhodes' plan worked and the others began to wake slowly, until they realised Rhodes was now standing there. Will flew up out of his chair in a panic and then didn't know what to say. Rhodes was ready for this.

"Sit back down Will. Please. He's ok." Rhodes said, keeping eye contact to ensure Will believed him.

"He's alive." Mouse said quietly, as if repeating it would help him believe it.

"Ok…" Rhodes began. "When you saw us rushing past with Jay, he had a cardiac tamponade and was in PEA again. We tried a pericardiocentesis initially. But Will, there were clots in there, we had to do a thoracotomy. It was the only way to fix it." Rhodes paused briefly to allow that to sink in, he noticed that if it was possible, Will looked even more pale than before. It is not a procedure you want to perform on a relative. "It worked, and his observations have been stable since. He's gonna be sore when he wakes up, and he has a long road ahead, but he's alive Will. It's a bloody good job Voight found him when he did. This would have been a very different outcome."

"Yeah." Was all Will could mumble. The others remained quiet, sensing there was more to come.

"He's broken most of his ribs Will, although there is no way of knowing which ones' we broke resuscitating him and which ones were already smashed." Rhodes dropped his head, finding it especially hard to de-brief a colleague, a friend, like this. "We had to plate and screw some of them back together, but they're all re-aligned now. Obviously the two chest tubes remain in place. His lungs were nicked by the broken ribs, causing the pneumothorax. That's all repaired now. We also found a small kidney lac, which was repaired easily, urine is already beginning to run through clearer." Will continued to nod.

Rhodes took a deep breath and continued. "The number of contusions around his back, chest and pelvis are alarming. Nothing in his pelvis is broken, but I'm surprised. There's swelling and it's going to be uncomfortable until it begins to heal. He has hair line fractures in both wrists, they're set in cast, but it shouldn't be for long. There is heavy muscle inflammation in his shoulders on CT. Was he strung up?" Rhodes asked. Will looked around for Voight, then remembered he'd left.

"Yeah." Adam spoke up, clearing his throat. "It was insane." Will closed his eyes tightly trying to lose that image. Mouse felt sick. He continued to listen to the list of injuries but all he could think of was how he was going to get Jay through this, and out the other side.

"Yeah, ok." Rhodes continued. "Well, he's lucky he only has tiny hair line fractures in his wrists. They are bleeding and raw from, what I can assume to be handcuff marks? As for his head, there is a concussion there, but it doesn't require any surgery. We'll be keeping a close eye on him though. You know, it wouldn't surprise me if he has no recollection of leaving here yesterday. He might not even remember actually being here." Will looked up. Well that would certainly explain the decision to walk out on medical care.

"Can we see him?" Mouse spoke up, unsure if he was stepping on Will's toes.

"Well, he's just being moved to the ITU. When he's up there and settled, you can see him. Remember, he's vented and heavily sedated ok? Lots of tubing and wires." Rhodes said trying to prepare the group. They didn't respond.

"What are his chances Doc?" Antonio asked.

"Well, if he makes it through the next 24 hours, his chances will improve greatly. Our biggest enemy now is infection. We've got him on a lot of prophylactic antibiotics, and we'll be doing regular observations and blood draws to keep a close eye on him." Rhodes answered. The thought of Jay surviving the kidnapping and surgery only to then succumb to a raging infection, was unimaginable.

"Jay is strong, ok. He's very fit and healthy. That's gonna be a great help to him now. We'll be having issues trying to keep him in bed soon, I'm certain!" Rhodes smiled softly, reassuring the group. "ITU is the floor above, if you guys want to make your way up there, I'll let them know you're on your way. They'll grab you from the waiting room when he's ready." Rhodes finished.

The room was silent, eventually Will spoke. "Thanks mate, I don't know what I'm supposed to say."

"It's ok, Will. You don't need to say anything. Ethan and I are gonna head home for a bit, ok? But we'll be back later."

The team thanked Rhodes and he left. There was a moment spent picking up discarded items and coffee cups. Then the team headed for the elevator and onto the trip up to the next stage of this nightmare.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Hi All, next chapter now up. Thanks for reading. Enjoy- Cheetah x**

Chapter Seven

Jay found it difficult to pinpoint exactly when his body started letting him return to the real world, but he was certain it all began with a white-knuckle ride of endless dreams and nightmares. He would be running along the river in the city centre, listening to music and pushing himself harder and harder. He could feel the summer sun on his face, and he felt good. He kept checking his watch, ensuring he was keeping a great pace. Then suddenly the streets of Chicago would morph into the dusty, ruined streets of a typical village in Kandahar. He found himself running alongside other rangers, he acknowledged he was on a battlefield and tried to focus, but bullets were flying from all directions and people dropping down beside him. His friends were dropping down beside him. He found the heat of the desert penetratingly intense, almost claustrophobic. He wanted to get away, throw his kit and uniform off and jump in a pool of ice water, just to try and escape the burning sensation. In the blazing sun, it had to be well above 40 degrees. He remembered Afghanistan being a hot country by day, but this felt insane, like his skin was hot and he was unable to get away from it. He was contemplating whether he might have the opportunity to cool down when the temperatures dipped near to freezing at night, when a bullet flew hurtling past him, narrowly avoiding him and he violently threw himself to the ground and covered his head to try and save himself. This startled movement, although best described as a simple flinch by those watching Jay's intense dreams, started a new chain of events he hadn't experienced yet. Pain.

When he thought about it, pain had always been a part of these dreams, but a distant element, an awareness, nothing that physically distressed him. He felt like pain was there, waiting in the wings, ready to come in on the next act of this insane show when called. He tried instinctively to move away from it, but it didn't work. It seemed to follow him and with that, he felt his heart beating faster and panic setting in.

That's when another new sensation joined the show. Floating. Jay would float upwards, towards blackness. It was a double-edged sword, on one hand he was petrified of where it was taking him, he knew he didn't want to go into the blackness, blackness could never be good. However, the sensation also felt relaxing, he felt himself unwinding, his heart rate slowing, and it allowed him to give into the exhaustion he felt. Eventually he was unable to fight it, what ever journey this was taking him on, he was going with it.

He was startled awake from the periods of blackness with new odd sensations. Normal bodily functions continued despite his unconsciousness; however, he could feel that these were anything but normal. He was aware of hands touching him, gentle movements, kind hands. He realised he was being washed, but he couldn't think for the life of him why he would need to be washed? He would start to get agitated at where the hands were going, he did not want to be washed there. He would try to lash out to stop them, grabbing at air only. Then the blackness would arrive all over again, good timing, he thought as he drifted away again.

At random times, he would be torn away from the blackness by someone dragging his eye lids upwards and shining a mag light straight into his eyeballs. Jay instinctively prepared himself for interrogation, he tensed his muscles waiting to be hit, spat at or even electrocuted. In his drugged state, this muscle preparation seemed logical to fit the situation. He assured himself that what ever they did to him, he wouldn't talk. Voight would be proud. Then he chuckled to himself, it would take more than that for Voight to be proud of him, he had slept with his daughter. In his head he laughed hysterically, quickly forgetting about the impending interrogation. The drugs making him feel silly and immature.

Around the second day, sounds began to start making their way into Jay's understanding. As before, when he initially began functioning again, the sounds started inside his dreams. He could hear people talking softly but was unable to decipher exactly what they were saying. He was certain he heard Will, and Voight. There was also an endless beeping noise. It would appear in his dreams either as a car alarm going off as he was running past it, or an irritating morning wake up alarm. In one very realistic dream he was tucked up in bed with Erin, it was early morning and she was still sound asleep. The sun was shining through a gap in the curtains onto her face and he couldn't stop himself from thinking how beautiful she looked. His eyes dropped lower to appreciate other parts of her gorgeous body, when the alarm started. He really didn't want to disturb Erin and break this special moment, but despite grabbing at his nightstand, he couldn't locate the clock that was so desperately trying to tell him to start his day. In this dream and many others before that, they were both undressed, and she was curled up warm inside his strong embrace. He could smell her hair, her skin. He was warm and felt safe, he could stay like this forever. His brain on the other hand always seemed to have other plans for the next act of this show. As easily as the comforting dreams could begin, the nightmares would rear up just as fast. The alarm now became a fire alarm, wailing endlessly, warning of a fire in the building he was in. He somehow knew Erin was trapped, and could sense the fire approaching, feeling its heat and intensity. He screamed for Erin to try and find her but got no reply. He was sprinting now, the flames almost touching him. He kept looking inside different rooms trying to find Erin, and now he could hear her sobbing. His heart broke. He began to cry, desperate to find and save her. He couldn't lose her. Erin's sobbing grew louder and Jay could feel his heart racing in panic. A new alarm joined the wailing fire alarm and then the blackness returned, paired up with the relaxing floating sensation. He we go again, Jay thought.

Later that day, he was startled back from the blackness by someone calling his name. He felt sure he had heard his name, but then it had stopped. This confusion agitated him, he felt someone stroking his arm softly, comforting him, kind hands again. He kept trying to sink back into the blackness when the calling would restart. He was slowly becoming more aware of his surroundings, like pieces of a complex puzzle dropping into place, revealing a very disturbing picture. His chest felt like it was being forced outwards with every breath. At times he would almost seem to be out of sync with this forceful blast of air and the pain would intensify. But the hands came back, rubbing, soothing him. He was now pretty sure he heard Will asking him to calm down, he heard the word Med and tried to slot that into the puzzle. The pain in his chest started the panicking up all over again. He was powerless to stop it, like a wild rollercoaster he couldn't get off. Then he definitely heard Voight bark at him to calm down. This worked instantly. A command. His body conditioned by the military to respond instantaneously. He stopped moving and listened, awaiting his next order.

Voight's success and getting him to stop trashing around was short lived. The stopping gave Jay time to realise the amount of tubing currently sticking out of his body. His hands flew up to the one disturbing him the most, the one deep in his throat. His wrists felt oddly stiff and awkward. Clumsily he tried to grab at the ET tube with his fingers, desperate to get it out of his throat. Strong hands grabbed at his weakened arms and stopped the attempt swiftly. He could hear arguing. Will, he was sure it was Will, he was arguing with someone. He didn't have time to work out who his brother was getting angry at because Jay started aggressively gagging. A sensation that felt oddly familiar to him, like it had happened before, he couldn't work out when. That part of the puzzle was still in pieces. The alarms he had got to know so well started up again and a new rushing, sucking noise appeared by his ear, frightening him. The nurse looking after Jay, Clare, began suctioning Jays airways as thick secretions rose up; the only thing Jay could think about was choking. He felt like he was dying, unable to catch a single breath. Jay was pretty sure he was in hell, maybe the devil himself would pop up to have a chat with him soon. The usual blackness arrived then, saving him from his own dark thoughts and excruciating pain. He jumped straight onboard and drifted away.

"What the fuck was that!" Adam said, horrified. He had stayed in the back corner of the hospital room, as they all watched the scene unfold. One-minute Jay had been resting peacefully, two days into his recovery. Then, Clare stepped forward to do one of her many routine observation checks. She softly called his name, and then increased the volume of her voice and pressed his shoulder lightly to try and rouse him. Jay's consciousness returned slightly, and he started thrashing wildly. Jay's eyes remained firmly closed, Will began to desperately try and get Jay to relax, he begged his brother to just follow the vent and breathe with it. When that didn't work, Voight had stepped in. Barking at Jay to calm down. That worked briefly, and then Jay began trying to claw at the ET tube providing essential oxygen and ventilation. Clare stepped back and Voight flew forwards to try and stop him from pulling the inflated tube painfully back up out of his throat. He successfully secured Jays casted wrists back down on the bed, noticing how painfully weak he was. The situation then took a turn for the worse when Jay's gagging reflex started to fight back. Will looked up to Rhodes and pleaded with him to remove Jay's ET tube.

"He's going to aspirate Rhodes. Just get it out!" Will said angrily.

"Will stop it, this is not the time to be extubating him, let's just calm him back down." Rhodes replied, sympathetic to Will's opinion but also frustrated at his inability to think logically right now. "He needs a trial with just ventilation support before we start thinking about extubating. We need to focus on getting him to calm down when he's conscious."

"Easier said than done." Thought Voight, from what he'd seen, that was not going to be a straightforward task. Clare reached up to Jay's IV and pushed a syringe of liquid into it, Jay's thrashing calmed within seconds.

"I've given him a very light sedative this time, ok? He'll come around again soon, we can try again Will, ok?" Rhodes said, trying to get Will to see his point. "I think if we lower the dose of sedative each time we administer it, hopefully he'll be less disorientated each time he wakes up." Will nodded, frustrated at his brother's situation.

With Jay settled, Voight decided it was time for Erin to take a break. She had been doing well in the last two days, her withdrawal symptoms passing quickly. Her endless guilty sobbing beside Jay's sleeping form however had caused Jay to become distressed multiple times. Jay didn't need that again right now.

"Come on Erin, time for a coffee." Voight stated. It seemed the others appreciated the need for a break too. Watching Jay's recovery was proving exhausting. Adam, Antonio and Al got up to leave with Voight. They closed the door softly behind them, so it didn't startle Jay.

Will took a moment to think about how far they had come in the last 48 hours. Rhodes had quickly begun reducing the stronger sedatives used for Jay's operation and begun to build up the analgesia in his system. In the initial 12 hours, his situation remained unchanged. Then a postoperative fever had started, not caused by infection, but a somewhat natural inflammatory response to the surgery. This was the first time Jay had become visibly unsettled. They used cold compresses and IV Tylenol to bring his fever down. It was clear Jay was lost in a violent fever dream that caused him to buck and thrash in his sleep. Nothing could be done, they weren't sure if Jay could even here them, so they just kept on reassuring him and waited for it to pass.

Jay's personal care caused him reoccurring, sometimes physical agitation. The ITU ward manager had asked Will if he thought Jay would rather have a male or female nurse caring from him. Will stopped and smirked, imagining his brother overhearing that question and responding with a typical sarcastic Jay comment. Will was quite certain Jay wouldn't want anyone touching him anywhere personal right now, especially without being invited to do so. Even if all they were trying to do was make him more comfortable by washing him. He let them decide on nursing care providers, Jay would argue either way.

Will decided to take some air, he had been in his brother's room almost 48 hours straight, only leaving to use the bathroom or when forced to take a quick shower.

Mouse, who had stayed quiet most of the time, dragged his seat closer to Jay's bedside. He squeezed his hand reassuringly and began to talk.

"We'll get you through this Jay, ok? Trust me man. Your safe, no one is hurting you here. You're in Med ok. Your brother is here, everyone is here. Just relax and go with it ok." Mouse paused, planning the next part of his reassuring speech. "Hey Jay, remember that summer holiday we spent off base in Cyprus. A whole week we spent on that white beach. Checking out the sights if I remember rightly." Mouse smiled remembering. "I say sights, I mean boobs. Clearly." Jay lightly squeezed Mouse's fingers back in reply. Mouse grinned; Jay was coming back.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Hi, thank you for reading and welcome to the new followers! Another chapter up now, please leave me a quick review if you're still enjoying the story. I have a little more planned if your all still with me? **** Enjoy…. Cheetah x**

Chapter Eight

It was now day 3 of Jay's recovery, very early in the morning. Will stirred rolling onto his back with a soft moan. The roll out bed on the ITU room floor the nursing staff had kindly given to him resulted in the most unpleasant night sleep. But it was a compromise of sorts, Will had simply refused to leave Jay. So, he either slept sat up in a chair, like the first night, or he had to curl up on the hard floor. Yesterday evening, shortly after Jay's explosively traumatic return to life and just before Clare finished her shift, she appeared with the mattress in her hands. A soft smile on her face that explained she understood. Will thought at the time how kind it was of her, his exhaustion almost making him well up, he curled up on it and promptly passed out.

Presently, Will didn't need to look at his watch to know what time it was. There was a calm, almost surreal atmosphere on the intensive care ward at that time in the morning. The staff are quiet, writing up notes from the night shift, the patients simply look like they are innocently sleeping. The sun had just risen and started peaking its way through the blinds of Jay's room and he was pretty sure outside he could hear the city waking up. Will rubbed at his lower back, imagining Jay having a comment or two about that. He looked over at Jay, "Yeah, I'm getting older ok? Way too old to be spending the night on the floor for you. So, feel free to wake up and start demanding to go home? Yeah?" Will said, standing up, stretching and walking over towards Jay. It was then that the sheet moving caught his eye. Jay was moving again. The sedation had lifted, and now his legs were slowly moving from side to side and his hands were starting to explore his upper body. Trust Jay to break the calmness of the morning he was enjoying, Will thought. He realised, if Jay moved too much and caused excessive pain, or even located any of his tubing again, this could only end one way. In complete panic.

Will was desperate to have his brother awake and off the ventilation system. It was essential he kept Jay peaceful, or he would be stuck in an endless repeated cycle of needing sedation to calm down before he hurts himself, or god forbid, someone else. Will stood for a second deciding if he should talk to Jay or just touch his arm reassuringly. He was anxious about making the wrong decision. In the end, he went with both.

He reached out and softly touched Jay's arm. "It's ok Jay, it's Will, I'm right here." He said gently. Jay didn't respond, but the exploration of his own body stepped up a gear. "Jay, you have to leave all the tubing, ok? It's helping you." Will creased his face in frustration. He couldn't see how getting Jay off the vent, was ever going to be achievable. Jay reacted to Will's voice this time, although not in the way Will had anticipated. Jay started thrashing wildly again and the cascade of events that always followed these outbursts, just seemed to add to the distress.

Instantly on thrashing, his breathing became unsynchronised with the ventilator. Air was being forced into Jay's lungs when he was trying to breathe out. He wanted to breathe much faster than the vent was allowing. This caused an instant tachycardia and then he became hypertensive soon after. His monitors, unhelpfully announcing this loudly to the room and at the nurses' station. Alarms sounded and Jay moved his frantic actions up to a new level. Will noticed that Jay was following his typical pattern of always trying to improve himself, do one better than before. This resulted in him now trying to throw his legs over the side rail. "Dude are you trying to get up? Please stop!" Will desperately tried not to sound panicked, but it was hard, he begged Jay to stay on the bed, constantly telling him where he was.

The nursing staff came running into the room to try and calm Jay, and a request was given for a doctor to be called. "Please don't drug him again…" Will argued, trying not to get upset. "Please, just give me a minute with him."

"Will, seriously?" The nurse said puzzled, three of them now trying to pin Jay to the bed. Despite his weakened state, Jay was fighting back with all his strength. "Look at his face Will, he's in pain?" The nurse said desperately.

Will stepped back looking at his brother, running his hands through his own messy hair he acknowledged Jay's face. It was in a tight grimace, he was crying, tears streaming down his face. Will shook his head, unable to comprehend how this had become Jay's life.

Mouse arrived into the room, at the same time as the night shift on call doctor. Mouse stared, wide eyed, in disbelief at what he was seeing, again. He looked from Jay up to Will, as if silently asking for an explanation.

Will decided to beg for help, "He's so agitated Mouse, they're gonna drug him again, help me calm him down…"

Mouse walked towards Jay, taking his face in his hands strongly. He heard the doctor order Ativan 4mg to be given IV and his heart sank. "Jay, it's Mouse." Mouse decided that clearly Jay wasn't here, he wasn't in a hospital bed. The way he was behaving, he was lost in a delusion that seemed to be traumatising him. Mouse had a rough idea where he could be. "You're not there anymore, you're safe…" He said, pulling Jay's face closer towards his. The nurses were still holding his body securely and Will watched on. "Open your eyes Jay, please? You're safe, no one is torturing you or hurting you. I know you're sore, we can fix that. Please Jay, look at me!" Mouse commanded.

The Ativan was given, and then the doctor stepped back to observe. Just then, for the first time, Jay slowly began to try and prise his eyes open.

"Jay! Jay!" Will stepped forward calling his brother, noticing is eyes fluttering. But as soon as Jay tried to open his eyes any further the drugs kicked in and he was out. "It was working! You drugged him, and it was working?!" Will spat angrily at the doctor.

"Will." Mouse said curtly. Trying to get him to see that his comment was inappropriate.

"Will, I'm going to do whatever it is I have to do to keep your brother comfortable, ok?" The doctor responded. "I won't have him hinder his recovery by hurting himself further. And he can't go hurting the nursing staff. Understand?"

Will shook his head, devasted that Mouse had almost got through to Jay and then it was all over. Will collapsed down into his plastic chair, Mouse dropped a hand on his shoulder, comforting him. Jay's monitors no longer wailed, and Jay appeared to be sleeping again. The team left the room and Mouse, Will and Jay were now alone.

The day continued and Jay remained unconscious. Clare started her shift and begun her routine of regular observations, constant fluid balance and medication administration. Will was starting to learn which stimulus was causing Jay to become more agitated, even in his mildly sedated state. When Clare completed his mouth care, wiping a soft sponge square of water over his lips and teeth, his heart rate spiked, and the grimace returned. The same occurred for washing him, although that bought tears as well. It was either uncomfortable for him, or he just didn't like being touched. It was difficult to tell which.

Around mid-afternoon, Voight, Erin, Will and Mouse observed another failed attempt at leaving sedation behind. This time, Jay tried desperately to pull his inflated urinary catheter out. Erin had to leave the room, unable to watch his agonising distress. Voight followed her and Mouse and Will tried relentlessly to bring Jay back to them.

After this incident, a care plan conference was called in the meeting room on the ITU. An opportunity for Jay's medical team and family to come together to make a joint plan for Jay's treatment. Mouse had planned to sit with Jay whilst this meeting took place, but Will had somewhat awkwardly asked Mouse to attend. It was hard for Will to acknowledge that Jay was probably closer to Mouse than he was to Will. It hurt too, but this was about what was best for Jay, not himself.

The meeting revealed that it was most likely Jay was delusional from all the opiates being given to him to relieve his pain. There was a long discussion about the importance of getting him off the ventilator as soon as possible to avoid Ventilator Associated Pneumonia. Clare was concerned the opiates would cause constipation if used for a length of time, another reason Jay could end up staying on the ventilator even longer. It was discussed if Jay could come off the ventilator with mild sedation remaining in place. But this was dismissed as Jay was still needing airway support. The suggestion of soft restraints was discussed at length. Mouse was adamant they wouldn't help his delusions and would only increase his lack of understanding for what was real or not. Will argued that if he pulled any of his tubing out, or hurt himself further, he would end up back in the OR and completely back to square one. Dr Charles spoke on behalf of Jay's psychological welfare. Although he agreed that soft restraints were likely to cause distress, it was overruled at this stage that they were essential now.

The plan was decided that minimal analgesia was to be given, sedation to be lifted completely and they would all wait and see. Obviously with soft restraints in place for the inevitable awakening. The meeting was drawn to a close and Will and Mouse returned to Jay's room. Will felt a little excited at soon being able to communicate with his brother, he just hoped it went as well as they had planned.

Jay was lost in a swirling world of dreams and nightmares again. Pain had definitely joined the show now and every little twitch and flinch caused shooting pains to travel around his chest and down his body. He was aware of sensations, being touched, his legs being moved for him, the washing starting all over again. He found some of the sensations much worse than others. He mostly stayed in synchrony with the air being forced into his lungs, the alternative was very unpleasant and caused tears to run down his face and the alarms to start up again. He could hear Will and the others talking to him but felt unable to wake up and join them, respond to them. The dreams always took over. He dreamt mostly of Erin; he could smell her skin like he was actually with her. This time they were in Wisconsin together, tucked up warm in his cabin watching a movie. He could hear her crying; he didn't remember the movie being sad? Her sobbing continued and Jay started to get restless. He moved his hands slightly and felt someone grab them. He squeezed the fingers he could feel rubbing his hands and the voices around him became louder, almost cheerful. The crying sound stopped, and he heard excited voices. Their response made Jay jump and that started the pain off again. He detached his hands from the ones holding him and tried to move his hands to hunt for the source of the pain. He couldn't move his hands. His panic increased. He pulled his wrists harshly and tried to release them, but they were stuck to the bed. He desperately tried not to become out of sync with the air, but it was harder as he became increasingly distressed. He felt like he was being stabbed in his chest and couldn't touch it with his hands. If he could just pull out the knives, maybe the pain would go away?

"Jay, can you hear me?" Will asked excitedly. "Jay?" No response occurred; Jay just continued to pull at the soft restraints. Erin moved away from Jay to let Will get closer, she had been cuddled up to his side for the last two hours, until her crying had agitated him again.

"Jay, we can take those restraints off if you stay calm and open your eyes." Will reassured him. "Open your eyes Jay."

Jay slowed his movements, listening. He had heard his brother clearly. He tried to cooperate with Will's demands, but it wasn't easy.

"Come on Jay, I know you're here with us, open those eyes…" Will begged.

Jay fluttered his eye lashes and opened his eyes fully, he scanned around the room and settled on his brother. Will grinned from ear to ear. Jay lifted the corner of his mouth in an attempted smile.

"Welcome back buddy."


	9. Chapter Nine

**Hi all, thank you for the lovely reviews! Glad you're all still reading. Tvist- there's plenty to come! Don't worry. Lanteaddicted1- you can read it as many times as you like or even listen to it on the app**** Pinkdaisyapples- I'm glad you're hooked- I am too! Can't seem to leave my laptop alone. Lol. Lima- You're right, I think that ET tube has to come out soon eh? Keep reading. **

**Next chapter up… it's another long one. Enjoy. Cheetah x**

Chapter Nine

Jay stared at his brother trying to drop the final pieces of the puzzle into place. He sensed he needed to calm his breathing, or the intense feeling in his lungs would return. It wasn't easy, he took deep breaths in line with the machine that seemed to be in charge. The more he tried to work out what was going on, the more confused he felt. This confusion was causing a panicky feeling to rise in him. None of what he could see in front of him was making any sense. He couldn't work out where he was. He was tied to a bed and he was pretty sure it wasn't his bed. He tested the bonds again lightly, "Yup, I'm definitely tied on here…" He thought. "What the hell is this?" He tried to move slightly, and realised he was in a lot of pain. A rip-roaring burning sensation was simmering away under his left armpit, going around towards his back. Another two burning areas were located on his chest. "What the fuck has happened here?" He thought. He looked at Will's face for a clue, "Will looks really happy…?" he thought, "Why would Will be so happy?". He then startled as he realised his team from work were here, also staring at him. "Voight's in my room! Christ, my team are in my room?!" He thought, nothing becoming any clearer. He noticed straight away that the team didn't look anywhere near as happy as Will. In fact, they looked nervous, like they weren't sure what was going to happen. The more time Jay spent thinking, the more he realised that everything was hurting. His head pounded, his shoulders throbbed and there was an aching sensation throughout the rest of his body. He decided to ask Will; Will would know what's going on here. He opened his mouth further to speak and discovered the ET tube.

"Jay… Don't try and talk. Please…" Will begged him, his beaming smile slipping now, replaced with increasing anxiety. Jay's eyes were full of panic, even wider than before, he was now glaring at his brother desperately trying to communicate. Surprisingly he wasn't gagging on the tube, but he was tugging at his restraints violently. Desperately trying to get to the ET tube.

Voight watched Jay from the back of the room, deciding when to step forward and intervene. He didn't want Jay back on the sedation any more than Will did. He would do what ever it took to get Jay to calm down.

"Jay, I know it feels crazy, the tube is annoying, but you have to stay calm. If you're cool, we can get the tube out. If you thrash about, they're gonna put you under again….!" Will pleaded with Jay. Will's speech was not working.

Mouse was beside Jay in a chair, he wasn't sure Jay had clocked him there yet. He hadn't noticed Jay look in his direction. Mouse stood up and moved into Jay's vision. Jay startled again but gave a look of recognition. Mouse smiled reassuringly.

"Hey dude, do you know where you are?" Mouse asked him quietly. Jay continued to look at Mouse but did not stop pulling at his restraints. "Do you?" Mouse repeated.

Jay shook his head. Mouse smiled; this was a good sign- Jay was interacting now. "Ok, well you're at Med. You're ok." Jay stared confused, how had he ended up in med?

"Dude, I know everything that is going on is very intense for you. And we're gonna talk about everything, explain everything, but right now I need you cool, ok?" Mouse asked. "I need sniper Jay, not idiot Jay." Mouse continued, Jay slowed his actions, responding well to Mouse. Will felt a little hurt again at Mouse's connection to Jay but he was reassured because that close relationship they had; it was working. "Ok… that's great Jay. You're doing well. Do you remember how you ended up in here?" Jay thought about it for a second, and then shook his head to say no. He winced as he shook his head, it made the pounding worse. Will spoke up, relieved he could finally fix something.

"Jay, just blink now ok. Once for yes, twice for no. Understand?" Jay blinked as asked. "Great!" Will said. "You're in the intensive care unit Jay, this is you're third day here. You collapsed at home and you came in with the EMT's." Will stopped there, suddenly wondering if Jay remembered the incident that started all this off in the first place. Derek Keyes.

Jay looked up at his brother and the team facing him. He had a million things to ask and no way to ask them. He was confused as to why he had collapsed at home; he was fit and healthy? That didn't sound like something that would happen to him, he wondered if they were lying to him. He was slowly becoming more aware of things around his body. The ET tube in his mouth the most strikingly obvious, but he could also feel tubes coming out of his nose, arms, his upper chest and another one in a private place further down. He was also pretty sure he was wearing some kind of diaper. He was suddenly very embarrassed. He had an overwhelming urge to be on his own. He didn't want so many people looking at him, including Erin. He had noticed her at the back of the room with Antonio, watching him with intense concern. He thought she looked tired, worn out even, but as beautiful as ever. His cheeks flushed at the thought of everyone watching everything going on here and he closed his eyes, hoping they would all just disappear. He could feel his heart rate increasing and the soft bleeping on his monitor increased in speed. Even his own heart rate wasn't private.

Will sensed something had changed in Jay. Call it brotherly instinct, he knew something had occurred to make Jay close his eyes. His heart rate was increasing, and Will sensed it wouldn't be long before the ventilation asynchrony occurred again. He wondered briefly if Jay was just tired, but Will was certain he saw his face had flushed red. He thought he could also be upset, maybe he was in severe pain and just wanted to cry. He wouldn't want to do that in front of everyone, especially Voight. Will knew it was normal for patients to be overwhelmed with emotion when they woke up. He decided it was time to call for a break. "Hey…" He said turning to face Jay's team. "It's getting late, why don't we end visiting hour now? Give Jay some time. You could all come back tomorrow?"

Jay relaxed a little, eyes still closed "Nice one Will…" he thought. The team nodded and agreed it was a good idea. It was getting late and it was decided they would go home and return to visit tomorrow lunchtime. They grabbed their belongings and prepared to leave. Each one of them came up to Jay and said encouraging words, with gentle squeezes on his arm for reassurance and said their goodbyes. He opened his eyes in obligation. Erin moved closer and softly kissed Jay on the cheek that didn't have an NG tube securely taped in place. Jay tried to respond with one of his half smiles, but it looked more like a smirk. Not quite what he had intended. He closed his eyes again in frustration. Mouse was unsure if he was included in Will's room clearing plan. He was the last to get up and he looked over at Will trying to read him.

"It's ok Mouse, sit down. You can stay if you want." Will said, kindly. Mouse looked at Jay. It was hard to work out what Jay wanted. There was no blinking or response from Jay, so Mouse just sat back down. The room empty now, just the three of them.

"Hey bro, what's up? You changed then…" Will said, realising after the words had come out that Jay had no way to answer him. Jay stared back at him, his expression one of frustration. "Sorry. My bad." He said thinking. "Would you like to try pen and paper?" Will asked him. Jay looked down at his restrained wrists. He noticed the two shining white casts for the first time. His eyes darted straight back up to his brother again. Will could work that one out for himself. "Explain this!" Will rushed straight in to avoid his brother getting agitated.

"You have two very small hair line fractures, one in each wrist Jay. They are casted, but won't be on for long, ok?" Will said. Jay blinked twice. "No?" Will said confused, there wasn't much that could be done about the casts. Mouse then worked it out.

"No, you're not ok?" Mouse asked quietly. Jay squeezed his eyes tightly closed, looking upset. He couldn't do this. At all. He was now _way_ out of his comfort zone. He either wanted to go back home right now or just go back to sleep. He couldn't cope with the frustration of not being able to speak. "Are you in pain Jay?" Mouse asked.

Jay opened his eyes and slowly turned towards Mouse and stared at him. The embarrassment from earlier was building into anger, worsened by the frustration. He didn't answer, just stared.

The awkwardness in the room was broken by the arrival of Clare. She came in through the door, still unaware that Jay had woken up.

"Hey…." She exclaimed. "Someone's awake! I'm Clare. I've been looking after you up here since you arrived." Clare gave a beaming smile as she took a step closer to read Jays monitors.

"Great… you're the one that's been prodding and poking me and wiping my ass." Jay thought angrily to himself. Unfortunately for Jay, Clare was an expert in reading non-communicative patients. She stopped what she was doing and looked at him, picking up on his distress.

"You ok?" She asked. Jay just stared forward. Will started trying to answer for him.

"He seemed ok when he woke up initially. Now he seems…." Will couldn't find the right words, he looked defeated, like he was failing Jay somehow.

"Will everyone stop trying to decide how I feel for me?!" Jay screamed in his head. His heart rate monitor giving away his internal angry outburst to the room.

Clare reached out and held Jay's hand around the cast. He looked down at the gesture. "It's ok Jay, you're doing just fine. It's intense when you wake up from sedation. You probably feel tired, angry, frustrated, confused, sore?" Jay looked up to her eyes.

"Yeah, you're close." He thought.

"How about we get these restraints off you and find a way to help you communicate?" Clare suggested, glancing quickly at the now falling heart rate monitor. Jay liked the idea of that and smirked again. Clare unclipped the restraints and rested them on his nightstand. He didn't move. Clare turned and left the room.

Jay remained still, trying to keep his breathing in sync with the ventilator. He felt so out of control. Everything being decided for him. He was finding it hard to keep a lid down on his anger.

After a minute or so of silence in the room. Jay's irritation boiled over and triggered a wave of emotion to start. Tears started leaking from his eyes and running down his face. He was powerless to stop them. Will and Mouse only noticed when Jay made an odd snorting noise trying to catch an extra breath with his sobbing. Both their heads flew up to look at Jay, they quickly realised what was happening.

"Hey, brother. It's ok. It's ok." Will said, moving closer. He was trying to work out how he could hug Jay, without hurting him further. Jay made another noise and more tears ran down his face. Will then instantly worked out what was going to happen next, just before it started. He stood up to get Jay's attention.

"Jay, I know you're upset but you need to relax. Your breathing Jay, you need to relax your breathing." Will begged his brother. Jay tried to take an inbreath and the ventilator was completing its exhalation cycle, his eyes bulged open in panic. "Jay! Listen to me!" Will said sternly. "In and out, in and out. Nice and slow." He said, hoping his brother would catch on. Jay then put his newly freed wrists to work and threw his hands up to the ET tube in his mouth. It was a complete survival reflex, he felt like he was being choked. Mouse pulled his arms down away from his face.

"Jay come on, listen to your brother…" Mouse said, hating seeing Jay like this. The alarms sounded and Clare and Rhodes ran in.

"Don't!" Will shouted at Rhodes holding his hands up. Rhodes didn't even have a chance to speak. Will was tired, angry and did not want his brother to be knocked out again. Jay continued to fight Mouse, trying to get to his ET tube.

"Will, chill out!" Rhodes said sharply. He moved to Jay's ventilator and began pressing the touch screen. "I'm switching the vent to pressure support mode. It'll be easier for him whilst he's like this."

"Ok…" Will said, slightly ashamed at his angry outburst.

Clare grabbed the suction and began suctioning Jay's ET tube. Jay's crying had increased the secretions in the pipe, he felt like he was drowning.

"Welcome back Jay." Rhodes said, trying to get Jay's attention. "Take a breath, you're ok, the vent's gonna work with you now." Rhodes said reassuringly.

Jay tried to slow his breathing; the air was no longer being forced into his lungs at odd times and it helped. The suctioning had cleared the tubes and he now felt a soft, small amount of air being constantly blown into his airways.

"There's still support there for you Jay, it'll just help to keep your lungs open a little bit. It makes the next breath easier to take. Understand?"

Jay had calmed down enough to respond now. He blinked at Rhodes once. Message passed. "How are his observations Clare?" Rhodes asked.

"He's doing well. He wasn't triggering anything, slightly tachypnoeic because he's restless. His heart rate is improving and he's afebrile." Jay closed his eyes, not appreciative of being talked about again. Clare continued unphased. "He's tolerating his NG feeds well and urine output is good." Jay cringed, wanting the ground to swallow him up, could this get any worse?

Rhodes and Clare continued to discuss Jay's care. Including planning a breathing trial to be attempted the next morning. This would enable them to decide if it was a good time to take the vent away and finally remove the ET tube. Jay zoned out, not listening to them. He twitched his eyes open and noticed someone standing by the door, a soldier dressed in desert camouflage was staring at him menacingly. He looked closer and was pretty sure he saw that the guy was armed. Jay's heart rate picked up again and his breathing rate increased slightly.

Mouse noticed Jay staring at the door, he turned to look, but saw nothing there. He swung his head back to Jay. "You ok?" Mouse asked concerned. "Did you see something?"

Jay unwillingly prised his eyes from the doorway, to look back to Mouse. The soldier was no longer there, but he was certain at what he had just seen. He suddenly realised Mouse had asked him a question and was expecting an answer. Jay shrugged and blinked once.

"Are you in pain Jay?" Rhodes asked. Jay hesitated; he wasn't sure what they would give him if he said yes. But at the same time, the pain in his chest was beginning to be intolerable. "I'm gonna take this hesitation as a yes Jay. Let's get him some analgesia for tonight to help him sleep. Clare, hand over to the night nurse to watch his airway very closely. It's likely he'll need to switch back to full vent support whilst he's asleep whilst the sedations still leaving his system." Jay liked the idea of sleep; he was exhausted and could barely keep his eyes open. Just before he gave in and closed his eyes, he noticed the soldier by the door was back, only this time he was lifting his gun up towards Jay.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Hi All, Thanks again for the reviews, and welcome to the new followers! Another chapter now up. Drop me a PM or a quick review to let me know what you all think **** Thanks for reading. Cheetah x**

Chapter Ten

The soldier advanced towards Jay, his weapon raised, Jay was petrified. He instinctively clenched his fists, only to remember the solid casts. Right then, he knew he was seriously vulnerable and wasn't sure he could even stand, let alone fight. The soldier was tall, well over six foot and looked like he could handle himself. Jay clocked three more soldiers filing in after him. They were now surrounding his bed, weapons aimed ready. The first one, who appeared to be in charge, grabbed his radio and spoke.

"Boss, we've got him." The man smiled at Jay, clearly enjoying Jay's fear. No longer using his radio, he continued. "So, this is where you've been hiding you piece of shit?" The first one yelled, his gun now in point blank range to Jays head. "Did you think we weren't going to find you?" He sneered.

Jay tried to speak, desperately trying to work out what on earth was going on. He had no idea who these men were, but he knew that this situation wasn't good. He soon realised that speaking wasn't an option with the tubing in his mouth. He violently shook his head, trying to communicate with them, the tube pulling deep inside his throat.

"What's that asshole? Can't hear you?" The soldier continued to laugh at him. Jay didn't see the second soldier reach over and jab him in the ribs with a taser. The current continued for longer than necessary and Jay began bucking and thrashing in the bed. His hands clumsily flew up to try and pull the taser off his skin, but he couldn't seem to grip the weapon. Unable to scream, he threw himself around trying to move away from the pain. He was in agony and approaching the end of his ability to stay conscious when it stopped. He took a moment to breathe deeply, the ventilator continued to assist his airway, he tried to focus. Adrenaline flooding his system, he tried to use its power to help him prepare to fight. He wasn't allowed to recover for long though, with a nod of the leader's head, two of the soldiers moved forward and roughly grabbed his feet. They pulled Jay's legs and brutally yanked him down off the end of the bed. His ventilator disconnected, flying off above the ET tube connector. His chest tubes disconnected, and various IV access points detached, resulting in blood pouring from their sites. He landed unceremoniously on the floor with a crash. The impact winded Jay and caused intense pain to flare up on his already bruised body. Shocked, it took a few seconds for him to realise he was now on the floor of his ITU room. He tried to breathe but found it much harder than before. He realised his hospital gown was up around his chest, and for the first time he saw the tube emptying his bladder, now detached from its bag and leaking onto the floor. He snatched the gown down covering himself up, his eyes widened with shock at the whole situation. He was now panting through the ET tube, trying to improve the falling oxygen levels in his body. Black spots began to appear in his vision. The adrenaline was doing its best to keep Jay alive, his heart rate soared, along with his breathing rate and it was keeping the pain at a barely acceptable dull roar. Jay curled over onto his right side, avoiding the sharp pain on his left. He pulled his knees up and covered his head with his hands. He knew exactly what was coming next.

The kicking started soon after. They were all desperate to get a good shot on target. He felt most of the boots connecting with his back, legs and stomach. He briefly wondered where his brother and Mouse had disappeared to, when a final blow connected with his head and the lights went out.

"Jay! Jay! Wake up!" Will shouted, his brother had been thrashing around on the bed for the last ten minutes and they were still unable to rouse him. He was tensing so hard he was biting down on the ET tube. "Jay!" Will tried again, his head in his hands. No response was seen, and the alarms continued to sound warning of Jay's increasing heart rate.

Rhodes politely moved Will out of the way and stepped forward to Jay. "Come on Jay, wake up for me now." He said closely to Jay's face, he squeezed Jay's upper arm and called again, only this time a little louder. Jay startled awake panting; eye's wide open, glaring up at Rhodes. "Hey there, you drifted off to sleep, it seemed like you were having a nightmare Jay. You're ok."

Jay screwed his face up in confusion. "A nightmare? That wasn't a fucking nightmare!" He thought. He looked down the bed, realising he was actually _in _his bed. Not on the floor. He started looking around for the soldiers. Where had they gone?

Mouse saw him frantically searching the room with his eyes. Jay appeared disorientated and lost. "Do you remember where you are Jay?" Mouse asked.

Jay looked over to him startled. "Jay? Do you remember where you are?" Mouse asked again. He looked up towards Rhodes and Clare. "He needs to communicate. Do you have an Ipad he can use?" Mouse asked. Jay just continued looking around the room, clearly searching for something, not hearing Mouse. Clare nipped out of the room and returned holding an Ipad. She unlocked it and slid it in front of Jay.

"Here…" She instructed, showing him the on-screen keyboard on the note pad screen. "Can you type what you need to say Jay?"

Lifting his head from the pillow, Jay looked down at the screen, his breathing had calmed a little. He typed slowly and carefully using one finger. They all looked down to see what he had written. "Real."

"What's real Jay?" Will asked. "Your dream?" Jay looked up at Will briefly and then back to the Ipad. He continued to type.

"Not dream." He typed. "Soldiers here."

Mouse and Will glanced at each other, Jay had appeared lucid on waking, but he was clearly disorientated now. Mouse spoke.

"There's no one here Jay. Just us. You're safe." Mouse reassured him. Jay looked angry. His eyes dropped to the Ipad and he went to start typing again, and then stopped. Frustrated he pushed the device away from him down the bed. Rhodes intervened.

"Jay, it's likely you were hallucinating. Things might seem really real, but they're not here. It's normal when your coming away from sedation and opiates." He said, kindly. Will nodded, agreeing with Rhodes. Jay closed his eyes, his response to that statement obvious to those watching.

"Let's get you comfortable and you can try and get some sleep." Clare said, sensing Jay was exhausted, his eyes were still closed he was breathing a lot slower than before and it was starting to sound laboured. She glanced up at his oxygen levels and noticed that they had dropped to 92%. She looked up to Rhodes and he nodded, agreeing with her silent obvious opinion. She reached forward and adjusted the ventilator settings, putting him back on full ventilation support. Jay's eyes flickered open; he had felt the large inhalation of air into his lungs. It forced them open much further than he had been doing independently. Jay looked at Clare for an explanation.

"It's ok Jay, you're tired and still a little sedated. Your oxygen levels have dropped a little, so you're back on full support for a bit." Jay looked defeated. "Hey, it's ok, we have every intention of getting rid of this thing completely in the morning. Let's just get through tonight ok?" She said with a smile. Jay thought Clare was sweet, he was not happy with the situation at all, but found it hard to be angry at her with her bubbly personality. He settled for a smirk again and shut his eyes, releasing his control to the ventilator. Clare noticed he had moved in the bed during his nightmare and had now rotated around on his side a little. His hips were no longer in line with his upper body. Clare thought that maybe Jay would appreciate a little privacy whilst she got him settled. "So…" She said turning to the others. "Would you guys all mind stepping out whilst I get Jay here sorted for the night?"

Jay rolled his eyes wondering what getting him "sorted" meant, he could only imagine. The overwhelming urge to get up and leave came over him again. If he could even lift his legs, he would have given it his best shot, but he was now moving a step beyond exhausted. Surprisingly, he felt relieved the machine had taken over his breathing again.

Mouse decided it was probably time for him to leave anyway. He stood up and said good night to Jay and turned to leave. Jay felt a sudden pang of anxiety; he wasn't sure he wanted Mouse to leave. He then screwed his eyes up angrily, when had he become so pathetic? He felt irritated at himself. Will decided he was going to head to the locker room for a shower and a change of scrubs. They left together, Mouse promising to return early in the morning, Will nervously agreeing to be back in half an hour. Rhodes gave Jay another dose of much needed pain relief and left him and Clare to it.

Clare started preparing a bowl of warm water with added soap. She could sense Jay watching her anxiously. She smiled and turned to face him, trying to put him at ease.

"I thought you could use some time away from your brother..." She said, raising her eyebrows. "I mean, he's lovely and all, don't get me wrong. But… well, he's your brother." She paused winking, then continued. "If it were my sister in here all the time and me in that bed, I'd want to whack her by now I'm sure of it!" She walked over to Jay placing the bowl down on a metal trolley and grabbed a handful of washcloths and some towels from the drawer. Jay eyed the bowl warily.

"Don't think I didn't spot you getting worried when your friend left." She said, holding his arm softly, looking at him. Jay looked away from the bowl and up to Clare. "It's ok, anxiety is normal. It's all normal. And it will get better ok?" She reassured him. Jay padded his hand out on top of the bed sheet seeking out the Ipad. It was just out of his reach, so Clare passed it up to him, unlocking it. He used his finger to type again slowly.

"Thank you." He typed, smirking, the tube taking up all the space in his mouth. He continued to type. "Sorry for being a dick."

Clare laughed. "You're not a dick Jay. You're just a guy who's not supposed to be stuck in here having everything done for him. The loss of control is overwhelming, and you probably just want to get up, and run away? Yeah?"

He dropped his eyes back to the Ipad. "How did you guess…" He typed.

She laughed again. "Come on, lets get you washed up before Mr overprotective brother returns to supervise your every move!" Jay closed his eyes, not overly excited at the prospect. He typed again.

"Come on then, lets get this over with."

Clare smiled, squeezing out a warm face cloth and passing it into Jay's hand. Jay looked up surprised, "What, you didn't think I was doing all the work did you?" She encouraged his hand up to his face. "I can't wait for this ventilator to go tomorrow, I wanna hear all about this beautiful girl that's been hanging off your arm for the last three days…" Clare chuckled, taking the cloth from Jay and warming it back up in the water.

Jay actually found he enjoyed his evening freshening up routine. It had surprised him. She helped to wash him, change his hospital gown and straighten him up in the bed. She replaced the waterproof mat keeping him clean and emptied his catheter bag. Clare's ability to pre-empt Jay's needs reduced his embarrassment and humiliation. She ensured he remained covered up as much as possible and reassured him constantly. When she had finished, he hadn't even been able to thank her. He was sound asleep, the combination of good pain relief and extreme exhaustion.

Will crept back into Jay's room quietly and rolled out his mattress on the floor. He noticed Jay was already in a deep sleep.

"Night bro." He said. "Can't wait to hear your stupid voice tomorrow…" He grinned, and settled down for the night on his bed.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Hi All, next chapter now up. If only Erin's words in this chapter were true (Linstead fan here). Thanks for still reading. Enjoy… Cheetah x**

Chapter Eleven

Will slipped back into Jay's room quietly, latte in hand, hoping Jay was still asleep. He had woken up early in the morning and decided Jay wouldn't mind if he stepped out to go on the search for coffee. He looked up to see two blue eyes staring at him.

"Oh, hey bro. I thought you were still asleep!" Will said, smiling. Jay stared at Will's coffee and then began to use the Ipad.

"That coffee?" He typed.

"Err… yeah." Will answered, sensing where this was going. "Not yet, Jay. Soon. Ok?" Will said sympathetically. Jay frowned, disappointed.

"Thirsty." He typed. Jay had noticed his lips and mouth felt dry. He really wanted an ice-cold glass of water.

"Ok. Clare will be here any time now; she'll do your mouth care and NG feed." Will responded. Jay seemed disappointed.

"Need a piss." He typed. Will laughed briefly.

"No, you don't. You have a catheter. You're like a miserable kid this morning Jay." Jay closed his eyes in response to that. Will sighed. "Don't forget, it's your breathing trial this morning. If it all goes well, that ET tube will be out by lunch. Maybe the chest drains too soon." He tried to cheer Jay up.

Jay slowly opened his eyes and looked at Will. He made no response to the breathing trial reminder; Will could tell he was deep in thought.

Jay was in pain. The sedation had fully left his system now and this resulted in Jay being more focused, with an increased sense of self awareness. His broken ribs were throbbing, some areas were definitely worse than others. There were multiple sharp stabs of pain, every time the ventilator breathed for him. He tried to move himself in the bed, hoping to get more comfortable. This just caused more pain on his left side and the chest tubes pulled. The discomfort from the other bruising around his body flared up, joining in with the other pain, and he instantly stilled, screwing up his eyes tightly. A light sheen of sweat appeared on his forehead and despite laying down, he felt dizzy.

"You ok there Jay?" Will asked. "Don't move too much, ok? Clare will be bringing you some pain relief in soon." Jay slowly moved his finger back to the Ipad to type.

He typed slowly, but eventually he turned the Ipad for Will to read his message. "What happened to me Will?" Will frowned, wondering where to start. Jay sensed Will was apprehensive to answer him. He typed again. "My whole body is fucked Will. I didn't just collapse at home." Will sighed, he might be benched, but the detective was still there.

"No, you're right." He answered, sitting down on a plastic chair beside Jay, he took a long sip of coffee. "Have a think, how much can you remember?"

Jay thought hard. He knew he had collapsed at home, Will had told him that much. The pain was making it difficult to concentrate. He picked up the Ipad, frustrated he began to type again. "Will. Can't think. Pain."

"Ok, ok. You were kidnapped Jay. By a criminal you guys were after. They had you for about 24 hours." Will stopped to let that kick in. Jay glared up at Will shocked. "Do you remember what happened?"

Jay looked away from Will thinking. Flashes of memories were coming back to him. Being electrocuted with tasers, being punched, and beaten with a metal pipe. Ok, so that explained the pain he was in. Erin! He remembered Erin saved him. He typed as fast as he could with one finger. "Erin. She found me. Is she ok?"

Images of Erin sat withdrawing on the chair in the waiting room appeared in Will's mind. "She's ok Jay. She's… She's staying with Voight at the moment." Jay appeared confused, and then another memory returned, Erin had quit her job. Finger back to the Ipad, he typed again.

"Is she ok?" He asked again. Will understood what Jay really wanted to know.

"Yeah, she was withdrawing Jay, but she seemed much better yesterday when she was here. Voight's taking care of her." Jay nodded slowly, trying not to move his head too much.

"I want to speak to her." Jay asked. "Text her Will."

"She'll be back later." Will replied, he didn't feel it was a relationship that should be encouraged. Will was quite sure Jay didn't need a withdrawing addict to worry about; he had enough on his plate.

"Text her." Jay responded.

"Ok." Will sighed, pulling his cell phone out and sending a quick text.

"Did you find me at home?" Jay typed.

"Ah. No. You're not gonna like this one Jay." Will answered, eyebrows raised. Jay looked at him puzzled. "That would be Voight. Voight and Erin found you collapsed in the shower Jay." Will waited for Jay to work out what that meant. Jay soon realised and cringed his eyes closed. He then typed.

"Shit."

Will chuckled. "Yeah Jay. Although I think he was more traumatised than you, with your naked ass staring back up at him." Will was laughing now. Jay rolled his eyes, trying to wipe the image of Erin and Voight finding him like that.

Clare walked in, her arms loaded with medication and IV's. She noticed Will was laughing. "Good morning, did I miss the joke?" She asked cheerfully. Jay's eyes flew to his brothers with a silent 'Don't'.

"Just typical brotherly crap." Will answered, Jay looked relieved. "He's sore Clare. He needs more pain relief. He tried to move, and it caused him so much pain it nearly knocked him out of sync with the vent. Oh, and he's thirsty." Will updated her, he knew Jay wouldn't like it but he needed to be comfortable to aid his recovery.

"Ok, well, pain relief I have here Jay and I'll get you washed up and do your mouth care now. That'll help you feel less thirsty. Do you want to give us a moment Will?" Clare asked. Will nodded and headed to the door, giving Jay a small wave as he left.

Erin was resting in bed, in and out of a light morning sleep. Her thoughts were stopping her drifting back into a deep sleep. She was thinking how odd it was to be back at Voight's. Back in her old bedroom again. She briefly wondered how long he would keep her prisoner here for. Her thoughts then wandered to Jay. She missed him. She could still see his face when he found her outside that club she had been at all night. He looked so disappointed in her. He looked heartbroken. A tear escaped her eye. She had been crying a lot more lately, still feeling guilty about everything. Her cell phone buzzed and reaching over for it, she frowned wondering who could be messaging her so early in the morning.

She read the text: _Hey Erin, Jay wants to see you. Will. _

She instantly sat up, feeling excited and then anxious. She was worried that something bad had happened. Then she shook her head, reassuring herself that if something bad had happened, it was unlikely Jay would be conscious enough to ask for her. She got out of bed, dressed and headed down to the kitchen.

Voight was already up, sat at the table sipping coffee. He heard her approaching.

"There's coffee in the pot." He said, not looking up.

"Thanks." She answered. "Listen Hank, I'm going over to see Jay."

"I thought we were going at lunch?" Voight replied. "We need to go into work this morning."

"I know, but Will sent a text, Jay wants to see me."

"Hmm…" Voight grumbled; a silence fell between them. Eventually Voight spoke. "What's going on between you too?" He asked, turning to face her. He would be able to tell if she was lying.

"Voight. Not now. Ok?" She said, closing her eyes.

Voight chuckled rudely. "Not now hey?" He glared at her, waiting for her to open her eyes. She did and startled at his intense stare. "You know my feelings on this Erin. What happened to Halstead, it changes nothing. You understand?"

"Yeah, we get it. Ok. We get it." Erin answered, getting flustered. Voight nodded.

"If your boyfriend needs you, I guess you better go." Voight said quietly, clearly not believing her answer.

"He's not my boyfriend Hank, you made sure of that." Erin replied, grabbing her keys and walking out. She was angry and didn't even want to look at Voight. She jumped in her car and headed over to Med to see Jay.

Clare had finished sorting Jay and he was starting to feel more comfortable. The morning pain relief had kicked in. Although, he noticed the drugs were making him sleepy and he was struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Dude just sleep. You need your rest; it'll help you recover faster." Will said, watching Jay battle with his eye lids.

Jay really wished he could talk; he didn't even have the energy to reach over and type. All he wanted was to stay awake and see Erin. He wanted to see with his own eyes that she was ok. He decided to ignore Will, his brother's presence alone was irritating him this morning.

Erin slowly pushed open the door to Jay's room and stepped inside smiling at Jay.

"Oh, so that's what you were waiting for." Will said, smirking.

"Yes Will, you idiot. Now get out." Jay thought irritated, he wondered if Will could read his mind. He couldn't take his eyes of her Erin as she walked in and sat down next to his bed.

"Shall I give you guys some time?" Will asked, looking at Jay.

"Excellent idea Will." Jay thought sarcastically. He blinked once, hoping Will would see. He did. Will stood up to leave, glancing at Erin.

"Hey, he's pretty knackered ok… and the breathing trial is this morning. Don't tire him out, ok?" Will looked sharply at her, "Or upset him." He added harshly as an afterthought. Erin didn't have time to respond as Will left the room.

"What was that all about?" Erin asked Jay. Jay reached for the Ipad to respond, finding more energy to try and type to Erin.

"Don't worry about him." Jay typed. "He's…" Jay paused thinking. "Overprotective."

Erin looked down, clearly upset. She felt hurt that Will seemed to be protecting Jay from her. Was she that bad? Jay looked at Erin, trying to work out what had upset her.

"You ok?" Jay asked.

She laughed. "You're laying in an ITU bed, and you're asking me if I'm ok?"

Jay smirked and typed again. "Yeah. I am. I miss you."

Erin smiled. "I miss you too Jay. I'm ok, just been a long few weeks." Jay nodded slightly to say that he agreed. "Finding you not breathing in the shower Jay. There are no words to describe it- It was beyond horrendous." She said, the tears welling up again. "I thought you were dead…"

Jay hated to watch Erin cry. He wanted to reach out, hold her and cuddle his face into her hair. He moved his left arm out towards her but stopped as the pain in his shoulder roared up. He tried not to show the pain but couldn't stop his face screwing up briefly. Erin noticed.

"Jay, try not to move baby. I'm ok." She reached for his arm instead and tucked her head into it like she had been doing for the last few days. She drew circles on his upper arm, just above the cast, with her fingertips. Jay enjoyed having her close, he relaxed when she was with him. He had been so worried about her over the last few weeks. Jay was drifting off to sleep. Eventually Erin spoke up.

"I found her by the way. Erin. And for the record... it was you that made me a better cop. Not the other way around." She squeezed his arm a little tighter. "I'm here to stay now Jay, I'm not going anywhere." Too tired to respond, Jay smiled in his mind and drifted off to sleep.

Choi and Rhodes arrived later that morning with a plan to disconnect the ventilator. Jay had managed to sit up a little more in the bed and was now alert. They checked Jay's ability to cough independently and noted that his latest arterial blood gas result was good. Mouse and Will were back in the room, and Erin had decided to stay as well. She wasn't ready to face Voight at work yet.

The doctors organised radiology to come a do a quick chest x-ray on Jay prior to the breathing trial. Happy with the results, they disconnected the ventilator and performed a T-piece trial. This meant that for the next sixty minutes, Jay would only have supplemental oxygen and no ventilation support. If that went well, they would permanently take away the ventilator. The room was quiet as the t-piece was connected and the oxygen support began.

"How you doing Jay?" Choi asked.

"All good." Jay typed. "Tube out?"

Choi smiled. "Soon Jay. Let's give this an hour and see where we are. Ok?" Jay nodded.

Choi and Rhodes left, advising Will to stay with Jay to ensure his oxygen levels remained stable. The request was not needed, Will wasn't planning on leaving Jay. Especially not right now.

"Well you're still on 97% Jay. This is good." Will observed, now 15 minutes into the test. "Still feeling ok?"

"Yes." He responded by typing.

Mouse and Erin were sat with Jay quietly. Will was pacing at the back of the room, burning his nervous energy off. He was ready to pounce if Jay's oxygen levels dropped, he couldn't take his eyes off the monitors.

"Sit down Will." Jay typed; Mouse read the message out to him. Will smiled, but continued pacing. The hour passed uneventfully and soon Rhodes and Choi returned, this time Clare was with them.

"You ready to get this tube out Jay? Everything seems ok." Choi said.

"Hell yes." He typed. Will sighed with relief. Mouse and Erin moved out of the way to enable the team to get closer to Jay. Will had his hands running through his hair nervously, this was it. Show time.

Clare approached Jay with the suction, he was used to this being used now and knew what was coming. "You ready?" She asked. Jay nodded. Clare suctioned the ET tube and Jay's mouth of any secretions ready for the extubation. Choi used an empty syringe to deflate the cuff that had been securing the ET tube in place.

"Ok Jay, we're ready here. I need you to give me a big cough on three, and I'll pull it out. Ok?" Choi said, Jay nodded again. He was more than ready. "One, Two, big cough Jay." Choi ordered. Jay did exactly as Choi had asked and he began pulling the tube from within his throat. He continued to cough harshly, and then started gagging as the tube made its way up and out of his mouth. "It's ok, it's ok." Choi reassured him, rubbing his back. A cardboard bowl was shoved under Jay's face by Clare, just in time as he began to vomit. The strain of the vomiting was pulling his ribs and the pain was making it difficult to catch his breath. "Take a nice deep breath Jay. You're ok." Choi continued to rub his back.

Jay was panicking and couldn't stop. His arms flew up, hands wildly grabbing at nothing. Jay desperately tried to make the suffocating sensation stop. The alarms jumped into action indicating Jay's rising heart rate and falling oxygen levels. Will had tried to step back and let Rhodes and Choi lead the extubation, but he couldn't watch any longer. He rushed forward towards Jay, perching on the edge of his bed.

"Jay you need to calm down, you're ok. Just breathe, breathe Jay!" Will instructed him.

Jay glared at Will; his eyes full of panic. He tried to listen to his brother, but it was impossible, he couldn't get air in.

"In for three, out for three…" Will coached him. "Come on. Keep trying Jay, take a breath buddy." Jay's oxygen levels continued to drop, his panicking was stopping him from even being able to take a single breath, his lips started taking on a blue tinge. Rhodes approached Jay with a bag and mask set connected to the oxygen now on full flow. He placed the mask over Jay's mouth and squeezed air into his lungs.

"Come on Jay, breathe now, ok?" Rhodes said, repeating the procedure two more times. The oxygen levels started climbing back up. Will was desperate for Rhodes not to re-intubate Jay. He could sense Choi hovering behind him with the laryngoscope and a fresh ET tube. Ready for Rhodes' command.

Luck seemed to be on their side, Jay was beginning to calm down and took a breath by himself. He then started breathing continuously, Rhodes moved the mask away from his face and then the gagging sensation returned. Will reached forward, helping to support Jay as he vomited again. Jay's face was screwed up in agony. Will stroked Jay's hair, holding onto him tightly. "You're ok Jay. I'm right here. It's ok. Just keep breathing. Please." Will begged, repeating the words to Jay. The situation was calming down. The alarms quietened and Jay stopped being sick. Will slowly laid him back in his bed against the pillows.

Jay looked up at Will. "Hey…" He croaked; his voice hoarse from the tubing and vomiting.

"Hey to you." Will grinned. "That was almost as spectacular as the first time you decided to wake up in the ER." Jay smiled, he had no idea what Will was on about, but felt sure he'd get all the details soon. It felt great to be free of the tubing.

"Don't try to speak too much yet Jay, ok?" Rhodes said, placing a simple oxygen mask over Jay's mouth. "We're gonna monitor you closely for a bit. Clare can you repeat the arterial blood gas in a few hours?" He asked. Clare nodded, pleased with the successful extubation. "If he's still stable in a bit, you can change him to the nasal canular for oxygen."

Choi, Rhodes and Clare left the room. Mouse and Erin moved closer to Jay, Will stayed sitting on his bed, holding Jay's hand. They were all shocked from witnessing his struggle to start breathing. Jay closed his eyes; he was exhausted again. After the dramatic end to Jay's time on the ventilator, the group sat quietly watching him rest. Appreciating that he was now one step closer to recovery.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Hi All, thanks for still reading! Are you all still with me? Wanting more? **** Loving all the PM's and reviews. The story has hit over 5000 views in total now, way more than I ever expected when I started writing this. So, a big thank you to everyone for that. Chapter 12 now up. Enjoy… Cheetah x**

Chapter Twelve

After his extubation, Jay slept right through until the late afternoon. His observations had remained stable, despite his deep sleep. Mouse and Erin had left just after lunch, a text from Voight asking them to urgently return to the precinct had abruptly ended their visit. Will hadn't left the plastic chair by Jay's side, keeping a constant vigilance on his sleeping brother. Will had received multiple text messages from all members of Jay's team asking for updates and advising him that they would be in to visit after work that evening. It was pain that caused Jay to wake up, Will noticed him stirring.

It started with Jay twitching in his sleep, he appeared lost in a dream. Then the twitching progressed to almost violent lashing out. Will knew he needed to wake Jay but was unsure if it would make it worse.

"Jay… Wake up now." Will instructed him, leaning back away from the bed, in case Jay tried to hit him. He received no response and so he tried again, this time having to move forward and squeeze his arm at the same time. "Jay! Wake up!"

Jay startled awake and sat bolt upright in the bed, surprising both himself and Will. He looked around stunned, trying to remember where he was. He saw his brother, the bed and then the pain arrived. Along with the memories piecing themselves together in his head. Jay noticed his brother looked frightened, like he was waiting to see what Jay would do next. He took a sharp breath, unable to ignore the pain anymore. He closed his eyes, a wave of dizziness hitting him, he swayed.

"Woah there buddy. Let's get you back before you fall back." Will said, gently pushing Jay's shoulders back supporting him towards the pillows. Jay didn't protest but began breathing deeply to cope with the pain in his chest.

"Pain." Jay managed to get out quietly. He noticed the nausea was bubbling away again in his stomach. He was dreading the discomfort that would cause if it made a reappearance. "Sick." He mumbled.

"Ok, I got you." Will reached for another bowl and put it on Jay's lap. He then pressed the call bell for Clare. She responded quickly, popping her head around the door. "Clare, he's woken up and we need analgesia and antiemetics here."

"Ok. I'm on it." She replied, already on her way. Jay appreciated Will's help. He had been annoying him all morning, but now he felt bad. It was useful having a brother that understood. Jay didn't think he would have had the strength to explain to Clare what he needed.

Will knew the vomit was coming, he had seen enough people being sick in his career to have a fair idea at the warning signs. He helped to ease Jay forward again, rubbed his back and held the bowl ready. When it was over, he put the bowl on the trolley and helped Jay to get more comfortable.

"Would you like some water?" He asked his brother. Jay smiled; he had wanted water for a long time now.

"Yeah." He croaked. Will put the straw up to his lips and Clare walked back in, medications in hand. Jay sucked on the straw and appreciated the first mouthful of water in days.

"Ok." Clare began. "I have more pain relief, I think we'll stick to IV's at present, in light of the vomiting. You also need this IV antibiotic now. And I have an antiemetic to stop that sickness." She fiddled with his IV lines administering them one at a time. "How are you feeling Jay?"

Jay didn't know where to start with that question. He was really pleased the stiff ET tube had gone, and the intense ventilator, but if he was honest with himself, he felt terrible. The burning pain of healing wounds, the aching in his muscles and the uncomfortableness of severe contusions. Not to mention his pounding head, painful broken wrists and agony caused by way too many broken ribs to count. He wanted to sleep, cry and run away all at the same time. He just needed all of this to end, to be over. He was never very good at stopping, staying still or even resting with a flu. If he ever had a moment to himself, he'd go for a run, or hit the gym, pushing it harder than ever before. Laying still was killing him but trying to move bought on intense pain. He was too uncomfortable to even explain all that to Clare, so he settled with a, "I'm fine.".

Clare smiled, watching him closely. "Ok. I believe you." She said jokingly. "Rhodes was thinking about taking those chest tubes out, the x-rays were good this morning. You're healing really well Jay."

Will perked up surprised. "That's great news Jay. Let's get you another step closer to home, yeah?"

Jay frowned. "Shower, then?" He asked, his eyes had been closed trying to distract his mind from the pain. He opened them now, staring at Will to assist in begging for that nice warm shower. It sounded like heaven right now. Both Will and Clare stared at him incredulously. Will rolled his eyes, expecting nothing less from Jay.

"Yeah, wanna go for a run after too?" Will asked sarcastically. "Dude, I think we need to have a chat about what you've been through here." Will said, watching Jay's face fall with disappointment. He closed his eyes again, his forehead pulling tight in pain. Will glanced at Clare, she had seen it too. "When Voight found you, you weren't breathing. You went into cardiac arrest in the back of the ambo Jay." He said, wondering how Jay would react.

"Oh." He answered surprised, opening his eyes now to look at Will. It appeared he was deciding if Will was lying to him. He realised he wasn't. "Ok." He closed his eyes again, thinking back to how Erin had said she thought he was dead, no wonder she was so upset. He knew he would never cope watching someone working on her.

Will continued on, he felt it was important Jay knew what had happened. "They got your heart re-started and they took you for a scan to see what injuries you had. You coded again Jay, but this time it was your heart in trouble, not your lungs, it wasn't quite so easy to fix. Those broken ribs did quite a lot of damage when you fell."

Jay opened his eyes, gently pulled his left arm outwards and looked down at the huge scar going around towards his back on his chest. He noticed it had been stapled together and looking at it turned his stomach. Will saw him looking.

"Yeah, that explains that one..." Will said, feeling sad for his brother. It was hard to acknowledge what he had been through, both in the hands of Keyes, and in the hands of the Chicago Med doctors.

"Why, home?" Jay asked in a short sentence, his breathing more like panting now. The pain relief clearly not working yet, and Clare could tell it was getting worse, not better.

"That's a very good question Jay. You must have just walked out of the ER. You were definitely booked in after the incident with Keyes. Maybe you got bored of waiting?" Will said raising his eyebrows, it did sound like something Jay would do.

Jay pulled a face, "I don't remember." He answered, truthfully, closing his eyes. Will got the feeling he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

Clare spoke quietly into Will's ear. Jay appeared to have dozed off again. "He looks really uncomfortable, he's panting Will. Should we give him something stronger?" She asked.

Jay forced his eye lids open. "Not asleep, don't talk… like… not… here…" Jay managed to get out.

"Hey, it's ok. Clare just didn't want to disturb you. Do you want something stronger for the pain right now Jay?" Will asked.

"No." Jay simply answered. Will shook his head at Clare, he expected that answer from Jay.

"Ok, let's give the original medicine time to work, if you're still unable to form actual sentences due to the pain Jay, we'll look a giving a low dose opiate."

Jay went to argue; he was not a fan of using opiates. The hallucinations made it incredibly difficult to work out what was real. He could still feel himself being violently pulled off the bed and kicked, despite Mouse telling him it didn't happen.

Rhodes appeared at the window in the door, he knocked softly and entered the room, taking in Jay's appearance before he spoke. Jay looked sweaty, pale and worn out, but it was good to see the ventilator gone. His nasal oxygen and NG tubing the only tubes left on his face now. His eyes were closed, but he was panting each breath, like he was trying very hard to control it. Rhodes looked at Will raising an eyebrow, silently asking him if all was ok.

Will stood up, moving away from Jay to talk.

"He's in agony Rhodes, declining stronger meds." Will said quietly. "Ob's are stable, and that arterial gas was still normal. Rhodes was thinking, he pursed his lips, nodding.

"Ok, well, I've come in to get the chest tubes removed. You know they can be really uncomfortable Will. The chest x-ray looked good this morning, lungs fully inflated, no evidence of air where it shouldn't be. Any signs of infection Clare?" He asked.

"No, wound and drain sites look good, obs stable as Will said." Clare reported back.

Jay stirred hearing them talking but didn't open his eyes. "Hey…" He managed to get out.

Rhodes moved towards Jay. "Hey, how you doing Jay? Your brother tells me you've woken up pretty uncomfortable."

Jay nodded, enough said.

"Ok, my plan is to get the two chest tubes out Jay. They can be really sore every time you move. They sit in a place inside your chest that's very sensitive." Rhodes said, Jay opened his eyes to look at him.

"Yeah... now... please..." Jay responded, perking up at the idea of losing more tubes, he felt certain he could convince Will to help him into the shower soon. He was always able to talk his older brother into anything.

"Ok." Rhodes said with a smile. "I think gentle sedation would be a good idea. Perhaps just Entonox?"

"Yeah, that's a good idea." Will responded, he noticed Jay grimacing, tensing his body, he was clearly not sure about the idea of sedation. "It's ok Jay, it leaves your system within 30 seconds. It's very short acting." Will reassured him.

"Well he's been asleep for quite a few hours now; I just need to get him freshened up and then you can start." Clare announced cheerfully. Jay rolled his eyes like a frustrated child. He wondered when this had started to become his normal routine. His irritation building, he spoke up angrily.

"Want… shower… toilet… fucking… had… enough." Jay spat, now really breathless. The three watching Jay looked at each other, wondering who was best to respond. Clare stepped up.

"I know Jay, guys give us some time here please." Clare instructed. Will felt heartbroken leaving his brother so angry and upset but he knew that Clare was very experienced in managing the emotions of frustrated patients. He walked out of the room with Rhodes, glancing back quickly for one last look at Jay before he left.

Will returned to his brother's room just over an hour later, he appreciated the break. He had found some dinner and swallowed it down with a large coffee. He looked through the glass window, he noticed Mouse was back and was sat quietly with Jay. That was probably a good thing, Will thought. It was clear Jay had been crying, his eyes were red and swollen. Will felt a pull on his heart, to know that his brother had been that upset without him. Sometimes Will felt like Jay's mum, dad and brother, playing each role separately as they were required. The dad issue hadn't been raised with Jay yet. Another conversation Will was dreading. At present Pat Halstead had no idea his son was lying in the intensive care unit, but Will wasn't sure how long he could omit it from their phone conversations. The secrecy would stay for now though, Will felt it was probably for the best. Jay didn't need an argument at that level yet.

He walked into the room and sat down next to Jay in the empty plastic chair. Mouse nodded his greeting and Will returned the nod.

"Will, the chest drains are out." Clare said, Will turned to face her surprised.

"Huh?! Oh ok." Will notice she was completing her documentation on the counter in the room. "That as quick! I thought I'd made it back in time."

"Mouse was here, so Rhodes and Choi just got on with it. He's all sorted." Clare said, still writing.

"Ok, chest xray?" Will asked, the doctor in him always present.

"Done, we had them here ready. All looks good Will."

"Great." Will smiled, noticing that Jay was quiet. "How you doing bro?" He asked.

Jay's eyes rolled, he went to speak and then didn't. Will noted his breathing seemed more relaxed than earlier.

"Jay here has had some Morphine. But only a _small_ amount." She said, winking at Will, aware that Jay was probably listening. Will was perfectly aware of what that small amount meant. They had drugged him up to his eyeballs. Will sighed, he was in for a long night. Jay's dreams and nightmares had a habit of becoming a lot more interactive when opiates were involved. It was, however, good to see him settled.

Clare stepped out and the Intelligence team walked in to visit a now deeply sleeping Jay. Voight, Erin, Al, Tony, Adam and Kevin filed inside the room, and Will updated them with the days progress. The main one being the loss of the vent, which was strikingly obvious. They kept their voices quiet, hoping not to disturb Jay. There was a positive atmosphere, the group pleased with his progress.

Erin was upset to find Jay asleep; she was hoping to be able to talk to him again. So much was left unsaid from the morning, her eyes welled up at how unwell he still looked. She noticed Voight was looking at her, she still hadn't spoken to him in a non-work capacity since the conversation in the kitchen that morning. She felt like he could see right through her. She wiped her eyes with a tissue and looked back to Jay. She wanted to push Will and Mouse away so she could snuggle up to Jay, hold onto his arm again, not caring what Voight would think. Antonio must have noticed she was tearful because he put an arm around her and pulled her close.

The room remained quiet, the soft beeping of monitors and Jay's breathing could be heard. The group were lost in their own thoughts about Jay and everything he had been through since that morning at the airport.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Hi all, next chapter up. Enjoy.. Cheetah x**

Chapter Thirteen

The intelligence team left the ITU around 10pm that evening, they were exhausted from a full day at work. Jay had not woken up during their visit, but it was good for them to see with their own eyes that he was improving. Erin had been reluctant to leave, still desperately wanting to talk to Jay. A stern look from Voight tore her away and she left with the others. She chose not to give Jay a kiss, not wanting to annoy Voight anymore. Despite the progresses to Jay's health during the day, Will made no move to change his routine, he settled himself down for the night on the floor. With a last glance at his brother, still sleeping deeply, he went to sleep himself.

Jay didn't begin to stir until lunch time the next day, he was now five days into his recovery. Will was sat with him and ensured he remained aware of his surroundings as he woke.

"Good morning sleepy head, remember where you are?" He asked.

"Huh? Yeah…" Jay answered groggily. "I feel… hungover. Like I've been out on the piss." Will laughed. "It's not funny Will, my head is fuzzy."

"Yeah, that'll be from the pain relief. It's good stuff. Did you sleep ok?" Will asked.

"Yeah, some pretty intense dreams, but nothing too bad." Jay answered. He fiddled with the bed controls, sitting himself up a little more. He winced at the pain, unable to stop himself. Will had noticed Jay's reaction to movement, despite his attempts to hide it. "So… I'm feeling pretty good right now, please tell me its home time Will?" Jay asked.

"And there it is." Will said triumphantly, Jay looked at him puzzled. "I've been waiting for that comment. I'm quite surprised it wasn't the first thing out of your mouth after they extubated you."

Jay smiled. "Well, I was still pretty uncomfortable. But now seems like a really good time Will." Jay noticed his brother's eyebrows raise upwards. "You can come look after me at my place…. Right?" Jay added, sensing Will was going to disagree with his plan.

"Jay." Was all Will needed to say, using his fatherly voice. Jay's heart sank, his face dropping.

"I actually don't need your permission Will." Jay said, changing his tactic, now looking smug.

"No, you're right, you don't. But let's see how far you get, because I'm not assisting you in this ridiculous escape plan." Will said smiling.

Jay appeared annoyed, looking down towards the end of his bed. "Well, whatever happens today. This tube down here is coming out and I'm getting up. It's uncomfortable and I'm done with it Will." He said confidently, now looking up to his brother.

"Right. Someone is definitely feeling better, dishing out orders now." Will responded to him, not actually agreeing with his request.

"I mean it Will. Take this thing out." Jay pushed on, he tried to lean forward to peak under the sheet to look at the catheter but had to stop suddenly when the pain stepped up a level. This time he cried out, only a soft groan, but it wasn't missed by Will. He then rested back slowly towards the pillows and closed his eyes. Trying to catch his breath, he tried deep breathing to help the pain pass.

"I'm saying nothing." Said Will seriously. Jay didn't even open his eyes in response.

"Good morning! Or should I say afternoon?" Clare announced walking in smiling, she took in Jay's appearance noticing he was pale and breathing deeply. "How are you doing today Jay?" She enquired.

"Apparently Jay's ready to get up and be discharged home." Will answered sarcastically, not letting his brother speak.

"Oh…" Clare said, eyebrows raised. "Here was me thinking you looked uncomfortable. This is your plan I take it?" She said looking down at Jay.

Jay could feel himself getting annoyed, he didn't appreciate his brother talking about him mockingly. He sat quietly for a few moments deciding what to say.

"Listen." He began, looking up at Clare. "I've laid in this bed for…" He paused, not knowing how long he'd been there, but it felt like weeks. Trying not to lose momentum, he continued. "I've been here long enough. I'm done Clare. You have been great, and I appreciate everything you've done for me. But I need to go home now." He finished his speech, looking up at Clare, using his blue eyes to their full effect.

"You finished?" Clare asked. "Jay, it's a lovely idea. And you can flutter those pretty blue eyes at me all day long, but it doesn't change the fact that you're not quite ready for home yet." She answered looking apologetic. She sensed Will's sarcastic comments were annoying him further. Jay looked like he'd been slapped. "I do have some good news though…" Jay perked up, interested. "I'm scheduling a physio to come see you; I think you're right, it's time to get you moving." Jay did smile at this one. "But it might just be moving in the bed to start with ok Jay? Don't move things along to fast. The last thing you need right now is a setback."

"Physio is good, right Jay?" Will asked.

"Clare, about this catheter thing…" Jay said, completely ignoring Will. He lifted the sheet slightly, wincing again as the movement jarred his ribs. Will shook his head in disbelief at Jay's insistence.

"Jay, give it time. You've lost the vent and the chest drains." Will tried to answer, but Jay stared at Clare, waiting for her to respond.

"Today, we can remove some of the staples in the incision site and maybe the central line too." She answered. "Also, would you like to try some food Jay? If you start eating, we can take out the NG tube too." She said optimistically.

"Ok." Jay answered hesitantly. He didn't feel hungry; the thought of food was bringing back reminders of being sick the day before. He did, however, want another tube out. "What do you want me to eat?" He asked, concerned, but trying to act confident.

"Let's try something light. Maybe some clear soup for lunch?" Clare asked.

"Great." Jay said rudely. He accepted they weren't going to let him go home today. Resting his head back, he closed his eyes. Doing his best to ignore the discomfort in his chest. "Bring it on."

Erin had been thinking about Jay all day. She struggled to focus on the new case they team were investigating, instead she found herself staring between Jay's empty desk and the space where Nadia used to sit. The others had checked in with her, asking if she was ok. She reassured them that she was, but she wasn't sure she believed herself. Her head still continuously thinking about going to find Bunny, to numb the pain with pharmaceuticals. She was finding it increasingly hard to ignore her constant calling. She could feel Voight's eyes staring at her from within his office.

She managed to finally escape the precinct around dinner time, leaving the other's still working at their desks. She flew down the stairs, stopping only briefly to update Platt on Jay's progress. Once in her car, she raced over to med. She arrived at the ITU a little out of breath, to find Jay's room empty. Panicking slightly, she pulled her cell phone out and called Will. He answered, reassuring her that Jay had demanded to be moved away from intensive care, and explained how she could find his new room. She heard disappointment in Will's voice and thought he was obviously still angry at her. Erin didn't expect anything less; she was still angry at herself.

She approached Jay's door and knocked lightly, becoming alert on hearing raised voices from inside the room. She walked in, her eyes instantly seeking Jay's. She found them and was very concerned at what she saw. Jay was sat on the edge of his bed, feet on the floor, clearly breathless. He looked like he could fall at any moment. His face was pale, a sheen of sweat on his brow. His knuckles were white, as he clung to the edge of his bed, trying to stay upright. She launched herself forward towards Jay.

"What the fuck Jay? What _are_ you doing?" She said, her hands moving to support his upper body, so that it didn't join his feet on the floor. Jay didn't answer, he couldn't, he just carried on breathing deeply, trying to keep the rising vomit inside his stomach.

Will spoke up, answering for his brother. "Jay decided his first basic physio session wasn't enough PT for today, so he opted to try and go for a wander…" Will said sarcastically.

Erin glared at Will, annoyed at his response. "Shut up Will, help me!" She barked. Will moved towards the bed, Jay found his voice.

"Don't touch me!" Jay yelled, twisting away from Will's advancing hands. The movement was the final straw for Jay. He gasped loudly and screamed out in pain, unable to keep it together any longer, he rubbed his ribs awkwardly with his fingertips. The casts making it impossible to bend his wrists. "Just piss off Will." Jay panted, breathlessly.

Will stepped back and nodded slowly. "You're a fool Jay Halstead." He said quietly, as he turned and walked out. He was obviously hurt by Jay's actions and words.

"Jay, we need to get you back, I can't hold you much longer…" Erin said, her arms shaking, she was petrified she was going to drop him.

"Don't… move." Jay managed to say, he screwed his eyes up tight, now moist with tears. He knew that without Erin's hands holding him up, he'd be on the floor.

"Can you wiggle yourself backwards?" She asked him.

"Erin… can't move." Jay said quietly. "Shit!" He shouted in frustration.

"Ok, ok." Erin was thinking fast. She couldn't reach the call bell without letting go of Jay. "Jay, you're gonna have to move babe, I can't see any other way…" She pleaded.

Jay sobbed loudly, he felt so ashamed of himself, he was in agony and completely stuck on the edge of the bed. He was contemplating asking Erin to go too, letting him fall down to the ground. He was angry at himself for showing so much weakness.

The situation concluded with the arrival of Voight. He knocked and walked straight in, not waiting to be invited. He rapidly knew something wasn't right, looking at Jay sobbing and Erin clinging onto him for dear life.

"We need to stop meeting like this Halstead." He said, approaching the pair. "Erin, I'll take over from you. Go and get some help here." Voight ordered, moving in towards Jay. He managed to stop crying, pulling himself together. Voight seeing him upset was not high up on his list of things to achieve. He closed his eyes, trying to keep on top of his anger and pain, Erin now gone; Voight was forcing him to stay upright with his hands.

"Move yourself back a little Halstead and I'll swing your legs up." Voight said.

"I can't." Jay snapped. "Just get the fuck off me Voight." He shouted. Voight stared at him, stunned at the way Jay was speaking to him. "Please." Jay begged quietly, unable to tolerate the embarrassment of the situation anymore.

"Jay. I'm not letting go of you. Now sort yourself out." He said brusquely. "I'm gonna help you move backwards on three..." He didn't give Jay a chance to disagree. "One, Two, Three…" Voight shoved Jay back onto the bed in one smooth motion. Jay cried out helplessly. "I'm gonna bring your legs up. Ease yourself back slowly if you can." Voight asked. At this point, Jay couldn't understand a word of what Voight was saying, the extreme pain and intense dizziness took over his mind. He swayed as Voight lifted his legs and begun twisting them around up on to the bed. Jay cried out again.

"Enough!" Jay roared, desperately trying to get Voight to stop. Jay's casted wrists were supposed to be easing his fall back towards the pillows. Instead, his hands were grasping powerlessly in front of him. He landed back on the pillows with more force than expected and fell quiet.

"Jay? You good?" Voight asked him cautiously, looking up towards his face. Jay was very pale, and the panting continued. Voight could see him using his shoulders to draw oxygen in. At least he was still breathing Voight thought. "Aren't you supposed to be on oxygen Jay?" He asked.

"Please… go." Jay said breathlessly, his eyes still tightly closed.

Voight sighed, deciding what to do. "I was coming to see you anyway Jay but ended up running here quicker than I would have liked because your brother sent me a text."

Jay opened his eyes, chanced a quick look up to Voight. Voight caught his eyes immediately and held the stare.

"Your brother is worried about you. Say's you've been making stupid decisions today including demanding to be moved out of the ITU. That right Halstead?" Voight asked, Jay looked back down, closing his eyes. Enough of an answer given. "I need you fixed and back on my team. You can't do that if you're not following the advice and getting yourself hurt in the process." Voight said slowly.

Jay tried to speak, he opened his mouth, his breathing a little calmer now. He wasn't sure what to say, so he closed his mouth again and sighed.

"She feels like this is her fault. You know that, right?" Voight asked. This got Jay's attention. He looked up confused. Voight continued. "She blames herself for you getting hurt. If you end up hurting yourself even more, doing more stupid stunts like this, she'll put that on herself too."

Jay was shocked. He couldn't believe Erin would be blaming herself for any of this. "This… is not on her." He mumbled still surprised.

"You're damn right it's not." Voight said angrily. "So sort yourself out kid, ok? Stop this. You've upset your brother as well. That doc has spent the last hundred hours or so, glued to your sorry ass. And now you're being rude to him?" In the absence of any parental support, Voight felt like he needed to speak to Jay as a father, sorting out an argument between siblings. He certainly had enough experience to handle it.

Voight stared at Jay waiting for a response, he appeared annoyed and disappointed. "Jay, Erin seems to really like you…" He shook his head, not believing the words coming out of his own mouth. "She's broken right now, and I think I'm gonna need your help putting her back together." Jay nodded, looking up to Voight.

"My oxygen is hanging off the bed somewhere." He said. "It's a nasal cannular." Voight nodded and began hunting for the item. He was slipping it back over Jay's head when Erin walked back in, alone.

"God, I can't seem to find anyone here. Do they even have nurses on this floor?" Erin said angrily. She noticed Jay was back in the bed, sheet back loosely over his legs. "Oh, you're sorted?" She asked, looking between Voight and Jay.

"Yeah, he's back in bed. Don't worry about it Erin. They'll come check on him soon." Voight reassured her.

"I'm ok. Honestly." Jay said, looking at Erin, struggling to comprehend that behind those eyes she blamed herself for both Nadia and now everything that had happened to him as well. "Erin. If you hadn't have come to the house with those files, fought those guys, I'd be dead you know that, right?" Jay said. Erin stopped where she was and closed her eyes in distress, unable to cope with the thought of Jay dead, images of Nadia's body flashed into her mind. Voight stayed quiet. "They worked on me all night Erin, trying to get me to talk. It wouldn't have taken much to finish me off. I don't blame you for this at all. Please know that." Jay said, wishing he could reach out and hold her. He glanced at Voight, wondering if he would be angry if Jay encouraged her over. Voight understood, he walked towards the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow Halstead. Erin, home by eleven." He barked walking out, a silent, unspoken permission offered.

Jay and Erin stared at each other fleetingly, trying to work out what had just happened. Erin then moved towards Jays bed, sitting herself up on the mattress, she pulled him into her arms. He clung onto her desperately, and they both held on tight.

After many apologies, more embraces and intense sobbing from them both, Jay noticed it was nearly eleven. "Cinderella has to go." He said, nodding his head towards the clock, alerting her to the time. She smiled. He paused, wanting to capture the image of Erin smiling in his mind. "You're beautiful, you know that?" He said.

"Yeah? And your pretty drugged up." She replied blushing, clearly embarrassed.

"I'm not actually. But that does sound like a good idea right now." Jay replied.

"I'll find someone on my way out." She said, pulling herself away from his grip. "I'll see you tomorrow Jay…" She kissed him on the cheek. "You sure you're ok?" She asked, looking at him intently.

"Yeah, I'm good. Don't be late home Erin." He said, reassuring her.

She smiled, and walked out of the room, leaving Jay alone with his thoughts. He sighed, taking in the evening's events. He winced at the thought of being found by Voight again, in desperate need of help. He chuckled softly, at least he was dressed this time.

Jay sighed again, he was exhausted and couldn't shake the breathlessness despite the oxygen being returned to him, he was pretty sure he was breathing faster than normal. His concern for his breathing made him think of Will. He was surprised that his brother hadn't returned. He had no way to call or text him. Jay felt bad for what he had said, but Will had been driving him crazy all day. He just needed space. Jay looked around his large empty room, a feeling of isolation growing. He was pretty sure the change in care environment earlier in the day had upset him more than he expected. He cringed, as he was the one that had demanded they remove the monitoring and step his care down a level. Then his anxiety had risen because that meant no more Clare, and he didn't realise how much she was helping him. He was no longer being watched so closely, the nursing staff busy with many other patients. The more he thought about it, he realised he had taken this apprehension out on his brother, by swearing at him and telling him to get out. He rubbed his head with his fingers feeling troubled. His eyes starting to close, he was ready to sleep. He shifted in the bed, trying to get comfortable. The pain flared up again, he wondered briefly whether Erin had managed to find someone to bring him pain relief. A shiver wracked his body violently, not helping the discomfort in his chest. He pulled the sheet up around his neck, realising he was cold. Very cold. His eyes now closed, he fell asleep thinking of Erin and that smile.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Next chapter now up, thank you all for still reading, I hope you continue to enjoy it. Prepare yourselves for this one… the bumpy ride has started. Enjoy… Cheetah x**

Chapter Fourteen

Will gave up on sleep around 5am. He had been tossing and turning all night, despite being in the comfort of his own bed for the first time in days. In his head, he kept replaying the stupid arguments he'd had with his brother the day before. They had spent the day arguing about anything and everything. He felt guilty for leaving Jay, but he was getting so angry with him, he didn't want to say something he'd later regret. Leaving seemed the safer option. He also concluded that maybe a forced break between the two of them would be helpful, his brother might actually even miss him and realise he was only there to support him. Will wondered if he'd done the right thing texting Voight, he hoped someone senior to Jay might be able to talk some sense into him.

Will showered, drank a quick coffee and decided to head back to med to see his brother. A forced break was a break, but it had been eight hours since he'd checked in with Jay now and he was getting anxious.

He arrived at the hospital not long after and left his car in the staff carpark. He found himself walking onto the ward, noticing how dark and quiet the ward was at that time in the morning. He knocked softly and walked into Jay's room. Jay was asleep on his side, Will thought that was new. He had spent the whole time previously sleeping on his back due to wounds and drains. Jay's gown was open at the back and it was the first time Will had really seen the extensive bruising to his back. The majority of the bruising had begun fading to green and yellow colours, but some of the more severe ones were still purple and black. Seeing the injuries made him feel even more guilty for leaving Jay the night before. He frowned trying to work out the odd noise he could hear. He realised the noise was Jay's breathing, but it sounded far from normal. He sounded like he was desperately trying to get oxygen into congested lungs. He approached Jay cautiously, trying not to wake him. He looked over and saw blood stains on his pillow.

"Shit." Will said quietly. The sound disturbed Jay slightly and he began to cough. Will heard the wet nature of the cough, Jay sounded like he was gasping for breath, tiny sprays of blood coming from his mouth with each cough.

"Hey there Jay…" Will said comforting his brother, trying to dampen the rising panic he felt inside. "Take deep breaths… that's it." Jay didn't respond but Will could tell he was trying to slow his breathing and stop the coughing. Will placed a well practiced hand on Jays forehead, dreading what he was sure he was going to find. "God Jay, you're burning up…" He pulled his hand away and grabbed an oxygen mask off the wall. He disconnected Jay's nasal cannular and attached the mask to the oxygen supply. He carefully pulled the tubes out of Jay's nose and away from the back of his ears. He replaced them with the face mask, which now sat comfortably over Jay's mouth and nose, providing a more intense oxygen flow. He pulled the call bell for assistance, not wanting to leave his brother for another second.

Jay noticed the mask arriving on his face, he clumsily reached up with his hand to investigate it. He was confused as to where it had come from. Will pulled his arm down softly.

"Leave it alone Jay, I'm gonna get you some help. How are you feeling buddy?" He asked.

"Will?" Jay replied.

"Yeah, I'm here." Will responded, the call bell still going unattended. Will tutted in frustration. He was contemplating pulling the emergency bell. He wanted to do a set of observations on his brother to see where they were at, but there was no equipment in his room.

"Will… what's happening… cold." Jay said, between rattling deep breaths and coughs. He was shivering. Will pulled down the sheet that Jay was clinging onto. Jay went to grab it and fight Will for it.

"Hey, let's get this sheet down a bit, ok? We need to cool you down. You're really hot Jay." Will said concerned.

"I… better… looking…" Jay managed to get out with a small smirk. Will smiled, Jay's sense of humour was obviously still intact.

Eventually a nurse knocked and entered Jay's room, she looked exhausted and rushed off her feet, despite the ward being quiet. She reached straight for the call bell to turn off the sound.

"Hey, everything ok?" She asked kindly.

"No… Jane." Will said reading her name badge. "Everything is not ok. Jay has deteriorated over night. He's really sick." Will said rudely, trying not to get angry with the nurse. "Please can you call the on-call night doctor to review him and get some equipment so we can do his obs." Will ordered. The nurse looked at Will shocked, and promptly left the room. Will turned back to Jay who was now mumbling incoherently.

"Shhhhh… It's ok. Just focus on your breathing Jay ok." Will rubbed his back gently until the nurse returned.

"I've called the doctor. He's in the ER but he's coming up soon. I'll take his obs." She said, noticing Will had changed Jay to an oxygen mask. She told Jay what she was doing and the mumbling started up again.

"There's blood on his pillow." The nurse said to Will, clearly concerned.

"Yes, there is." Will said glaring at her. "How long as that been there?" Will asked raising his eyebrows.

"It wasn't there at midnight." She answered, continuing his observations. When the pulse-oximeter was attached to his finger, the alarm instantly started sounding. "God, his heart rate is 140. Sats are 93%, should we turn the oxygen up?" She asked, Will just stared at Jay, not hearing the nurse. "Doctor Halstead, your brother's sats, should be turn up his oxygen?" She repeated.

Will snapped out of it on hearing his name. "It's already on high, this isn't good. What's his respiratory rate?" He asked, reaching for a stethoscope on the observation trolley. He placed it in his ears and then pushed the end under Jay's gown onto the side of his chest. Jay bucked at the sudden cold pressure, he groaned like he'd been stabbed with something. Will listened, quickly hearing the noise he feared would be there and then pulled the stethoscope away. He reassured his brother and looked to Jane for an answer.

"It's 30 doctor." She answered. "And he's 39.8."

Will cringed. "Ok. Where is this doctor? He needs antibiotics." He asked angrily looking towards the door.

"I'll go page him again." She said heading out.

"Get your emergency trolley too." Will barked. She nodded and left. Will looked down at his brother. He was sweating, his gown now clinging to his shivering body. His eyes were closed, and he appeared to be trying to sleep. "I think you better try and stay awake for me Jay. Jay… can you hear me?" He said rubbing his brother's shoulder. "Jay?" Will repeated pressing much harder, causing pain. Jay stirred, trying to open his eyes. Will began calculating his GCS score in his head out of habit, not liking the answer. "Jay I'm going to reposition you, ok? It might be uncomfortable. I'm sorry." He said, predicting that if he had to manage Jay's airway, it wouldn't be possible with Jay remaining on his side. Jane came back into the room pulling the large trolley full of emergency equipment. Will pulled Jay over onto his back and tugged on the sheet to bring him over to the centre of the bed. He took one of Jay's pillows away, softly lifting his head in the process and then placing it back down. He pulled Jay's head upwards to open his airway further. He noticed a blue tinge to his lips. Jay began coughing again, coughing up mucous into his mouth, he tried to gasp for air and Will could see he was going to choke and gag, unable to get rid of the mucous.

"Suction Jane!" He shouted. She rushed to the side of the trolley and switched on the suction, shoving the catheter into his hand. He was thankful he had asked her to bring it in. Pulling Jay's mask out the way he pushed the catheter into his mouth, pulling out the debris. Jay gasped again, desperate for more air.

The door flew open and a very young-looking intern walked in. Will looked up at him, thinking he looked about 17. He spoke first because the junior doctor couldn't get a word in.

"No!" Will shouted at the intern, pointing at him rudely. "Go and get your attending please, things have deteriorated. Jane, get the ITU outreach team here please, tell them to come urgently. His MEWS is 10 and GCS is now 9."

They both left immediately, leaving Will alone with his brother. Will felt a wave of emotion hit him, his adrenaline levels from discovering his brother so unwell were now fast depleting and he thought he was going to cry. Jay mumbled something and he snapped out of it, looking down at his brother.

"Will…" He thought he heard his brother gasp his name.

"I'm right here bro. I'm right here." Will answered him, rubbing his arm gently. "I know you feel like crap, but we'll get this sorted ok. Just trust me bro. I love you." He said. Jay didn't respond. He watched the basic observation machine closely, frustrated that his brother was clearly on the wrong ward. The facilities were useless. His BP was stable, but his heart rate, respiration rate, oxygen levels and temperature were not normal. He watched as Jay's oxygen levels dropped again. He disturbed Jay again, trying to improve his breathing.

"Jay, come on, take a big breath for me now." Will begged. He put pressure on Jay's upper arm again. Jay continued to take shallow, fast inefficient breaths.

The door to Jay's room flew open and the ITU outreach team rushed in, immediately requesting information. Will knew them all well and they recognised him instantly. The team consisted of an anaesthetist, a medical fellow, and a senior ITU nurse. Will updated them of everything to date and they began assessing and working on him. Will felt confident in the team treating Jay and took a step back, his hands running through his hair. He pulled out his cell phone and hesitated. He wanted support, someone else to share this stress with, but he wasn't sure who to call. He was emotionally drained and knew he couldn't cope anymore on his own. He looked over at his brother. They were taking arterial blood gas samples from his wrist, assessing his ability to oxygenate his body. He thought about who Jay would want to be here and dialled.

Voight heard his phone ringing on his nightstand. He reached over and answered it without looking.

"Voight." He said gruffly.

"Voight, it's Will." He said, his mouth dry, he struggled to speak.

"What's happened?" Voight asked. He could hear the fear in Will's voice.

"He's… He…" Will stuttered, watching the team cutting off Jay's gown and placing ECG leads on his chest. Jay appeared very much unconscious now.

"Will?" Voight asked.

"Sorry. He's sick Voight. I came back this morning, I think it's pneumonia. Likely from the vent and the damage to his lungs." Will said, not taking his eyes off his brother. He noted the normal ECG on the screen and sighed with relief. He could hear the ITU nurse trying to get Jay to respond to her.

"Ok, are they treating him?" Voight asked.

"Voight it's bad. The emergency outreach team are here from the ITU." Will answered, not sure if Voight understood what he was saying.

"Right. We're on our way." Voight answered, and hung up. Will nodded and closed the cell phone down.

The team quickly decided that Will's observations and concerns were correct, and Jay needed to be moved back to the ITU urgently. The blood gas samples had already been taken to the ITU by the care assistant to be processed, ahead of their arrival. Jay was settled into a different room, and the monitoring Jay disliked so much was re-attached. The nurse put the urinary catheter back in that Jay had demanded be removed not even 24 hours before. Will watched as his brother didn't even try and fight them off, he just laid their shivering. It was becoming obvious to Will just how sick his brother was. Another nurse entered the room and placed a white slip of paper in the anaesthetist's hand. He glanced down and read the blood results sighing. He looked up to Will, his lips pursed.

"James, I know what you're going to say…" Will started.

"He's acidotic Will. He's compensating but…" James tried to explain, Will jumped in.

"I know. You need to tube him again."

James looked at Will sympathetically. "Hopefully it won't be for long Will, we'll hit this hard with antibiotics and steroids. We'll watch him closely ok." Will rubbed his eyes harshly with his hands, feeling overwhelmed. "Do you have someone we can call for you?" He asked kindly.

"It's ok. It's sorted." Will replied. He looked towards his brother to see the nurse now bagging him to provide much needed oxygen. "Is he septic do you think?" Will asked.

"We'll watch him closely. He's BP is stable at present, so we may have caught it early enough." James said, returning to Will. Will nodded. They took further blood samples, blood cultures and swabs from Jay, trying to determine the cause of the infection, despite their suspicions being on pneumonia. A chest xray was ordered.

Will glanced up at the door to see Voight peering in, a puzzled look on his face. Will left the room to update him. He soon realised it wasn't just Voight. Nearly the whole team had arrived at the hospital within minutes. He led them to the ITU waiting room and tried his best to explain what had just happened.

"Thanks for coming guys…" Will started.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Hi all, thanks again for reading! Would love it if you could drop me a quick review or PM if you're still reading, enjoying and wanting more. Hope you like the next chapter… Cheetah x**

Chapter Fifteen

The Intelligence team found themselves in the ITU family room again, desperately waiting for an update on Jay. Will decided to stay with them, he was talking to Mouse, Erin and Voight.

"So, let me get this straight, they're putting him back on a machine that likely caused this?" Voight asked angrily.

"Yes and no. I think they are going to have to intubate and ventilate him again, for now. And yes, if it is pneumonia, he could have contracted it from being on the ventilator but there isn't much that could have been done about it. If he needs the vent, he needs it." Will said, looking down to the floor. They all fell quiet thinking about Will's statement.

"He seemed ok when I left late last night…" Erin said. "He was tired, and sore, I told the nurse when I left, he needed something."

"Yeah, when I glanced at his notes it said they went in, gave him something to help him sleep and that was it until I found him." Will said quietly. "He deteriorated frighteningly fast."

Half an hour had passed, and Will looked up as the door suddenly opened. James the anaesthetist walked in, followed by Sam, the doctor who responded with the outreach team.

"Hey Will, everybody…" James said, looking around, surprised as the number of people waiting for Jay. He introduced himself and Sam to the intelligence team. "It's ok Will it's good news." James started, Will and the others looked relieved, but still highly anxious. "So, we attended to Jay at your request this morning over on Ward Four. We found him in acute respiratory distress with clinical signs of infection. We think it's likely to be pneumonia, but we're running tests to ensure we're not missing anything else." He paused to let that sink in and then continued. The group stared back at him, waiting for what could possibly be the good news. "So, when I last spoke to you Will, his initial gases weren't great, and we were planning on intubating and ventilating him. But he's quite the fighter your brother, isn't he? He responded really well to the neb we gave him and to the fluid replacement, and regained consciousness. Obviously, his GCS has improved, but his MEWS score if still high. He's still very unwell, and the infection needs treating promptly. We've decided to try non-invasion ventilation (NIV) with him Will, partly because he demanded not to be intubated and to be fair, it might just work for him. Obviously, we'll be watching him closely, and you know he may still need to be intubated."

"What part of that was good news doc?" Adam asked. James smiled and went to answer but Sam spoke up.

"It's perhaps not good news overall, no one wanted this to happen to Jay. But the fact that at present he is responding well to the techniques we're using, and he's not intubated is a really good sign. He's also now in the right place for the level of treatment required."

Voight nodded silently, he appeared to be thinking intently.

"So, what now? We repeat the gases and see where he stands?" Will asked.

"Yeah, in a bit. Right now, we wait for results to come back, continue him on IV antibiotics and nebs. Will, most importantly we're gonna need you to keep him calm, settled. If he fights the NIV, we'll have to sedate him."

Will looked anxiously over to Mouse in reply to James' statement. Mouse nodded.

"I'm with you Will." Mouse answered. "Can we see him?"

"Will?" Jay asked huskily, lifting his hand to feel for his brother's presence. He was still breathless and struggling to speak. "You… there?" He said between coughs. Will leaned forward towards Jay, grabbing his hand, Mouse was positioned the other side of him. He looked at his brother closely, the new ventilator was forcing air into Jay's nose to assist his breathing. He was back on all his original monitoring and he appeared pale and tired. The antipyretics obviously hadn't begun to work, because he continued to shiver, despite sweating with fever.

"Right here, Mouse is here too. How you feeling?" Will asked.

"I'm… good. Where… am… I?" Jay asked, making eye contact with his brother. Will and Mouse glanced at each other, noticing Jay's instant confirmation that he was 'good' when he was far from good.

"You're back in the ITU buddy. You have an infection." Will answered gingerly, unsure how Jay would react to that. "I'm so sorry I left you last night Jay." Will said, holding back tears.

"Don't… be… sorry." Jay replied breathlessly, still coughing, his lungs wet with infection.

"I shouldn't have snapped at you. Or left you. Why on earth were you trying to get up last night Jay?" Will asked.

Jay tried to chuckle, but it ended in a hacking cough. "I… needed… a… piss…" Jay eventually got out.

"Oh, so my idea of keeping that catheter in a little longer wasn't all that insane then?" Will said shaking his head. "The nurse would have bought you a bottle to use if you'd asked. You're so stubborn Jay." Will said, clearly frustrated with his brother. Mouse eyed Will, silently telling him not to upset him. Will looked away, avoiding his stare.

"Oh… Wait… did… they?" Jay said, eyes wide, squirming in the bed becoming distressed, sensing the catheter had been re-inserted into his bladder.

"Don't Jay. Don't even mention that god damn catheter. I swear I'll…" Will said angrily.

"Will!" Mouse shouted at him, annoyed that Will was doing the exact opposite of what was asked of him. Jay was still fidgeting in the bed, becoming more restless. "Jay, you need to stay cool dude. Ok? Seriously. I need you to relax and focus on your breathing." Mouse said, Will looked like he'd been told off and dropped his head again. Jay slowed his movements in the bed.

"I'm… cool. Don't… need… here…" Jay answered slowly. Will rolled his eyes frustrated.

"Will, why don't you step out. Go get yourself a coffee. You look exhausted." Mouse said quietly to Will. "Send Voight in, or Erin. I'm sure she's busting the door down to get in here."

"Right. I'm gonna grab a coffee Jay." Will said standing.

"One… for… me." Jay said. Will smiled and left. He also felt it was time to step out, he was beyond exhausted and frustrated at himself for getting angry at Jay. He felt confident leaving Mouse with him, he wondered if he should try and get his head down for an hour in the on-call room.

"He loves you, you know that right? He's just tired, and frustrated." Mouse said to Jay.

"I… know…" Jay begun to cough again. Mouse looked on as Jay seemed to gasp for breath.

"I'll get someone." Mouse said, Jay tried to grab his arm with his fingertips as he stood, encouraging him back down. Mouse realised Jay was alright, his breathing was becoming back under control again.

"Ok." Jay said. "I'm… good… Mouse."

"Yeah, you look great mate." Mouse said smiling. They were interrupted by the door opening. Voight and Erin walked in, the room was quiet, Jay's wheezing chest could be heard. They both saw Jay's ventilation support for the first time, for something labelled non-invasive, it seemed pretty intense, strapped onto his head and fixed into his nasal passages.

"Hey kid." Voight said, breaking the silence. "You good?"

"Yeah… boss… good." Jay replied automatically. Jay closed his eyes, wincing in pain, all of them saw it and glanced at each other.

"Are you sure Jay? You look uncomfortable." Erin asked, lifting his hand and kissing it gently. Voight watched her and didn't say anything. Mouse just raised his eyebrows looking at Jay. Jay pulled his eyes open, hearing Erin's voice and feeling her touch on his hand. He smiled, his eyes only on her.

"I'm… fine." He said slowly, closing his eyes again.

The nurse now looking after Jay walked into the room. "Hey Jay, I met you earlier, but you may not remember me, I'm Sarah. I'm looking after you up here today." Jay nodded, choosing not to talk. Sarah looked at his monitors and documented the findings on a large observation chart at the foot of his bed. The results showed that Jay was remaining stable at present. His oxygen levels were on the lower side of normal, but they were normal. "I'm going to give you some pain relief Jay, help you to relax and rest." Clare said taking prepared syringes from a tray and moving towards his IV lines.

"No…" Jay's eyes flew open and he began using his elbows to try and sit up. "I'm…" Jay started coughing again, brutally hacking to try and clear the mucous blocking his airway. He wrapped his casted wrists over his ribs protectively. Sarah grabbed the suction from behind Jay's bed.

"Jay, I'm gonna suction your mouth ok. You're doing ok." Jay continued to cough, glaring at Sarah for help. She managed to remove the debris she could see but it was clear Jay's lungs were heavy with congestion. "Take a deep breath Jay." She ordered. He followed and begun to slow his breathing. He closed his eyes and sunk back into the pillows exhausted, his face now screwed up in agony. He forgot for a moment there were four people looking at him. Sarah spoke and he instantly relaxed his face, eyes still closed.

"Jay, I can see you're uncomfortable you don't need to try and hide it. You need the pain relief to help you heal." Jay didn't respond.

Voight stepped forward. "Halstead. We talked about this last night. Remember?" Voight said. Jay opened his eyes on hearing Voight's commanding voice, he pictured the heart breaking look on Erin's face, feeling guilty for all Jay was going through. Erin looked puzzled, trying to recall what was said during Voight's visit last night, she then remembered she was out of the room for most of the time. She wondered what Voight had said to Jay.

"Boss…" Jay tried to answer but was unable to say any more. Sarah noticed his inability to form words. His breathing rate was getting faster.

"Don't talk. Just listen." Sarah said. "We've calculated the amount to give you, so we can control your pain, but it won't sedate you or depress your respiratory abilities."

"Sick." Jay mumbled. He was terrified of being sick whilst being unable to control his breathing.

"I'm giving you an antiemetic. That should stop you being sick Jay. Ok?" She asked. Jay went to shrug his shoulders and then stopped because of the ache in his muscles and the burning pull on the wound on his side. Maybe pain relief wasn't such a bad idea, he thought. He couldn't be bothered to argue with the nurse anymore.

Sarah took his indifference as consent and administered the analgesia. She moved around him efficiently repeating his observations. She observed Jay's elevated heart rate and continuing tachypnoea and decided it was time to escalate her concerns to the medical team. "I'm going to call the doctor back to review you, ok Jay?" She said, moving towards the door.

"Everything all right?" Voight asked worried, he was reading Sarah's face deciding if he should be calling Will back.

"Yeah, but he's working really hard to breathe. I think they need to review him. Press the emergency bell if something happens when I'm out. I'll be right back." Sarah replied and she left the room.

Mouse, Erin and Voight looked at each other anxiously. Jay appeared to be sleeping now but was still restless at times. The soft beeps continued from the monitoring and they waited for the doctor to return with Sarah.

Jay groaned in his sleep, fluttering his eyes open. He stared at Mouse confused, not really seeing him.

"You ok there buddy?" Mouse asked, reaching out to hold Jay's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze to ground him. "Jay?" He asked again.

"Where…am…I?" Jay said quietly, barely audible. Mouse looked up at Voight and then over to Erin. Erin looked like she was about to start crying again, she clung onto Jay's fingers, rubbing them with her own. Voight shook his head slowly in disbelief, he looked scared.

"You're in the hospital Jay, you're safe ok." Mouse replied.

"Did… we… do… it?" Jay asked Mouse, becoming agitated and started to cough again. Mouse threw a look of confusion to Voight who shrugged in reply. Jay was becoming delusional again. Mouse wondered if it was the morphine or worsening infection. "They're… coming…." Jay spluttered in between coughs. An alarm sounded, warning of low oxygen levels and his blood pressure dropping.

"Jay, take it easy. You're good. Don't get so worked up ok? Just focus on breathing for us, ok?" Mouse reassured him. The alarms sounding worsened Jay's agitation. Thankfully, Sarah walked in with Choi following her.

"He's confused." Voight said to Sarah.

"Ok, don't worry. Can you guys step back for us?" She asked politely. Mouse and Erin moved up out of the chairs and stood at the back of the room with Voight. Choi got straight to work assessing Jay. He tried to get Jay's attention to assess his conscious level. He failed to respond to Choi's voice, but did flutter his eyes when slight pain was used. Choi took his pen light and pulled Jay's eyes open one by one to assess his pupil response.

"Can you get me another arterial blood gas Sarah? What's the BP reading from the art line?" He asked.

"100/50." She replied, staring at Choi, showing her concern. He nodded, thinking.

"Ok, get that gas sample." Choi said, he turned Jay's oxygen levels up even further. Sarah took the samples of blood from Jay's arterial line and left the room. Choi checked Jay's urine output, disappointed with the small amount of concentrated urine in the collection bag.

"Choi, what's going on?" Erin asked.

He looked at them, sighed and answered. "I'm worried he's becoming septic. I'm waiting for the gas results. We're doing everything we can." Erin nodded, she didn't totally understand what he had said, but she could tell from his face it didn't sound good.

Voight walked towards the door and left, he didn't give an explanation, he just went to find Olinsky in the family room.

"Al, you need to get Will." He ordered. "They think Jay's septic. He needs to come back."

Olinsky didn't question his boss he just got up and left the room. Voight briefly updated the others and returned to Jay's room.

Sarah and Choi were staring at a white slip of paper. Voight assumed they were reading blood results. Choi explained.

"His results are not ideal." Choi started, then he paused. "Where's Will?"

"On his way." Voight answered. Mouse was pleased Voight had thought to go and get him; Will would not want to be left out of this. At that moment, he came running through the door. Red faced and breathing fast, he had clearly run from wherever he had been resting. His crumbled scrubs and wild hair evidence of attempted sleep.

"Choi, what's happening?" Will asked catching his breath, his eyes trying to take in his brother, and Choi's face at the same time, trying to work out himself what had happened. He instantly clocked the low oxygen levels and elevated heart rate.

"Will, his gases are worse. His serum lactate is raised, and his urine output is practically non-existent. I'm not happy managing it like this." Choi answered him, Will new exactly what he meant.

"He won't like it." Will said sadly, his hands running through his hair. Thinking of how disappointed Jay would be to find himself back on the ventilator. He couldn't believe they were going backwards. Voight put a comforting hand on Will's shoulder, working out what they were talking about. Will looked like he was going to drop down in shock.

"He's barely responsive to pain Will. He's hypoxic. It's time." Choi said. Sarah left the room and returned with James the anaesthetist. Sarah gave Jay some medication to relax him. They removed the headboard from Jay's bed and pushed the bed forward so James could comfortably fit behind Jay's head. Laryngoscope in hand, James unhooked the NIV currently supporting Jay's airway. Sarah placed a bag and mask on Jay's mouth and nose and squeezed, inflating Jay's lungs fully three times, over oxygenating him. James then extended Jay's head backwards gently, pulled his chin downwards and prepared to intubate him.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Next chapter finally up! Sorry for the delay- work keeps rudely getting in the way of my writing **** Thank you so much for all the PMs/reviews and new followers… it all certainly encourages me to keep going. I only began writing this to switch my **_**very**_** over-active anxious brain off, whilst studying for an exam for work. Which by the way- I passed! But now I'm hooked and must keep going until I finish this. **

**Thank you all for continuing to read and keeping my mind busy! **** Keep the reviews/PM's coming! Anyways… on with the chapter. It's a bit of a low point... but onwards and upwards right? **** Cheetah x**

Chapter Sixteen

It was early in the evening when things took a turn for the worst. Will hadn't left Jay's side and Voight; Mouse and Erin had taken it in turns sitting with Will and Jay. A constant vigil at his bedside. Jay had become septic, as they had suspected, and had been sedated again to help him tolerate being ventilated.

Sarah kept a very close eye on Jay all day. His observations hadn't worsened but had shown no signs of improvement either. Towards the end of her shift she was alerted to new alarms sounding on Jay's monitoring, warning of low blood pressure and elevated heart rate. Despite Will's intense exhaustion, he flew up out of the chair like an athlete on the starting blocks. This was a deterioration he had been watching carefully for all day, praying it wouldn't arrive. He tried his best to ignore the wave of dizziness that came over him from lack of food and overwhelming emotion, but suddenly found himself crashing back down into the chair, disorientated.

"Will, I've got this." Sarah said, pulling the call bell for assistance.

Will went to argue, but dropped his head in his hands instead, he was breathing deeply, trying not to be sick. Sarah looked at Voight for unspoken assistance, she couldn't split herself between two unwell Halstead's. Mouse and Erin had left to find coffee and dinner half an hour earlier, Voight promised to stay and keep an eye on Will and Jay. He left his own chair and moved around to Will, dropping a hand down on his shoulder.

"Come on kid, lets give them some space to work." Voight said. "Move back here with me." Will looked up, looking lost, he appeared to be in shock. Will knew exactly what a dangerously low blood pressure would mean for Jay. Will stood shakily and walked towards the back of the room with Voight. Voight pushed him down into a chair and they watched as the room began filling with healthcare professionals. The anaesthetist James was present, along with Rhodes and Choi, who were unable to keep away. The senior ITU nurse also came in to assist Sarah.

"What's happening?" Rhodes asked.

"He's hypotensive at 80/30, started about a minute ago. Tachycardic at 135. His demand for more oxygen has been steadily increasing all day." Sarah replied. Voight tried to understand what they were saying; he knew things didn't seem good, but he felt like they were speaking a foreign language. He glanced down at Will. It was clear to Voight that Will understood everything unfolding. His eyes trained on Jay, he screwed his face up in pain and pulled a clenched fist to his mouth, tears forming in his eyes. Voight felt his own heart rate picking up, he was contemplating the fact that they might actually be losing him.

Rhodes begun examining Jay, the alarms continued. He listened to his chest with his stethoscope, checked pupil responses and constantly glanced at the monitors. "Let's give him a 500ml fluid bolus now." Rhodes ordered "Can you repeat the gases?"

The senior nurse began checking the gases and a new bag of saline was connected to Jay's IV's, with a pressure bag for speed.

"What's his urine output like Sarah?" Choi asked. She lifted the collection bag from the side of bed for them all to see.

"Oliguria." She said. "We're no where near the expected 45mls per hour. Even with the infusions running."

"Ok." Rhodes said, moving his plan forward. "Let's flush the catheter to ensure its not blocked." Sarah nodded and reached for the equipment needed.

Voight stared at his young detective laying on the bed in front of him. He considered that despite how unwell Jay was, he appeared like he was simply asleep, oblivious to the mayhem going on around him. But Voight recognised that Will's emotional reaction clearly represented the truth of the situation. He was surprised to find himself becoming choked up. Needing air, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and stepped out of the room. He took a moment to calm himself, and then called Erin and Mouse.

"This catheter has flushed easily Rhodes, there's no blockage here." Sarah said placing the syringe down. Rhodes nodded, acknowledging her.

"Bowel's normal today?" He asked Sarah.

"Looser this afternoon, are we looking at acute kidney injury?" She answered.

"Maybe." Rhodes answered, he looked up to read Jay's blood pressure as the senior nurse returned with the blood gas results.

"There's been no response to that fluid bolus. I don't think he's hypovolemic. I'm thinking septic shock- he needs a dopamine infusion. We need that BP stable." James said, setting up the syringe driver.

"Yeah, haemoglobin is 100 on these results." The senior nurse said to the team. "Lactate has climbed significantly though. Rhodes, look at his pH, he's acidotic as you probably expected." She showed him the results and Rhodes winced.

"Ok, can you bring up his last bloods on the screen, they were pending when I looked earlier." Sarah moved quickly to the computer in the room, she bought up the results needed.

"Yeah guys, they're here. Liver function is ok, but his kidneys are not good." She said loudly to the team working on Jay. "Creatinine is sky high and his CRP is another 200 higher than yesterday."

"Shit Jay." Will said quietly at the back of the room, silent tears continued to flood from his eyes. He felt the impulse to get up, hold on and cuddle his brother somehow. Encourage him to cling on to life. The urge was there, but his legs wouldn't carry him.

"BP is improving." Sarah acknowledged. "The infusions working."

"He needs renal replacement therapy; he's going to become hyperkalemic and it'll give him a cardiac arrhythmia." Choi said. "Fluids aren't going to be enough. Sarah let's get that set up. I'll get another canular in him." Choi said immediately reaching for the kit needed. Will closed his eyes, he couldn't watch.

The door to Jay's room opened revealing Erin and Mouse standing panting, catching their breath. It appeared they had both run from where they were trying to have dinner. Voight stood behind them. Initially they both eyed Will sat at the back of the room, his eyes closed, tears falling. There gazes then fell to Jay. They watched wide eyed, unable to look away as Choi sited another venous access point near Jay's groin. Erin felt Voight's hand fall onto her shoulder, he squeezed to offer her comfort. Erin and Mouse looked at each other trying to comprehend what was happening in front of them, the situation didn't look good. They walked in slowly and sat with Will at the back of the room and waited.

Will sprung up from his chair suddenly with newly found energy. He left the room without saying a word. Voight, Erin and Mouse looked at each other confused. The team working on Jay didn't notice Will's sudden departure. Voight went to follow Will, then realised he had stopped outside the door. He leaned himself up against the glass window and pulled out his cell phone.

"What's that all about?" Erin asked.

"I don't know." Voight answered, not taking his eyes from Will.

Will appeared to be having a very heated phone call with someone. He was emotional, running his hands through his hair and down over his eyes. Then his anger exploded, he thumped at the glass window loudly. Nearly putting his fist right through it. Voight was about to go out and calm Will down, when he saw him put his cell phone back in his pocket. He briefly looked up to the ceiling, screwing his eyes closed. Voight watched as he returned into Jay's room and sat down, like nothing had ever happened.

"What was that all about?" Mouse asked Will.

"A mistake. That's what that was all about." Will answered quietly, staring at his brother, choosing not to look at Mouse.

"What?" Mouse said puzzled. Voight and Erin glanced at each other.

"Just drop it. Ok?" Will said abruptly.

Mouse raised his eyebrows in response but did as requested and dropped the subject. A more pressing matter moved them on as Choi approached the group, ready to discuss Jay's care. James, Rhodes and Sarah continued to monitor Jay.

"Ok. Jay's developed something called Septic Shock. His body has reacted to the rising infection and now his blood pressure has dropped dramatically. Unfortunately, this reaction is not helping him. His kidneys are not working as well as we'd like, so we've started him on dialysis now. That's the new machine you can see there…" Choi pointed to another large piece of equipment now taking up space at Jay's bedside. "We've popped him on a drug to keep his blood pressure stable. It's working well, and the plan will be to wean him off that one as soon as possible. Sarah is popping in the NG tube back again, we'll keep his nutritional intake going through that for now, that will also help keep his blood sugar stable."

They all stared at Choi, trying to decide if there was a bad ending coming to this update. Will knew exactly what was coming, so he spoke up for Choi.

"The next 24 hours are critical. I get it." Will said robotically.

"Yeah, they are. He is very sick Will. But the dialysis will help him." Choi said quietly, he placed his hand on Will's shoulder, comforting him.

"Is he gonna…" Mouse coughed, his voice breaking. "…gonna get through this?" He asked.

"I hope so Mouse. I really do. We'll know more in 24 hours. He's strong, he's fit..." Choi said.

"And he's broken." Will said, the tears falling back down his face again. Erin was unable to hold her own emotions together any longer. She sobbed loudly and Voight turned to face her. He reached out to offer her a hug and she almost collapsed into his arms accepting. Mouse just stared towards his best friend.

"Will I know, he is badly injured but he's healing well. The pneumonia is a massive set back. But he's come this far…" Choi looked up to the others. "If he's stable overnight, we'll try the first daily interruption of sedation in the morning, see how he is. It might be that he's ready for a breathing trial as early as tomorrow, although realistically, it's more likely to be in the next one to two days. He can't be dependent on the vasopressors." Choi answered.

"He doesn't like being sedated." Mouse said. "It's the dreams, well nightmares, I guess. He see's things from his past."

"I know." Choi replied. "Jay's not going to like anything about this. He's gonna be annoyed when he realises, he's been sedated and intubated again. We can all help him to stay relaxed and focused as he begins to re-surface. Right now, we can try to ground him whenever we can. We're keeping him deeply sedated, but not completely unresponsive like in surgery. It's likely he can hear you, so you must keep talking to him, reassuring him where he is. Rhodes and I will continue to look after him if we can, so he knows who is with him."

They accepted the plan, and the waiting began. Waiting to see if Jay's body could win the ultimate fight for his life. Choi, Rhodes, James and Sarah finished stabilising Jay and left the room. Will moved himself back over to Jay's bedside. Mouse let Erin take the other seat next to Jay. She reached out to hold his hand, returning to her original methods of soothing him. She traced patterns of circles on his arm lightly with her fingertips. His skin felt hot to touch and it frightened her. She nuzzled her head into the side of his arm and sobbed quietly.

"We're all here Jay. You're safe, you're at Med. Nothing is gonna hurt you here, ok? So just keep fighting Jay. Keep breathing." Mouse said, feeling the need to speak to him.

Voight made his excuse of needing to update the rest of the team and left the room quietly. His cell phone out ready, he called Al to give him the news.

Will seemed unable to speak, he held onto Jay's other hand and stared at Jays rising and falling chest, leaving Mouse to continue to reassure Jay. Will was pretty sure if he wasn't sat down, he would have collapsed onto the floor. Either that, or he would have been violently sick. Both reactions felt possible, it was like the floor had been ripped out from under him and he was falling into the dark unknown. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to shut out the statistics and facts running through his head from journals he had read about sepsis survival rates. The numbers weren't good.

The night passed uneventfully. Erin and Voight slept in the family room, resting on chairs pushed together. Erin had refused to return home with Jay being so unwell and Voight was too anxious to leave her. Mouse and Will took it in turns to sit with Jay, until about 3am when the rhythmic soft bleeping of Jay's monitors and whooshing of the ventilator pulled them both into a deeper sleep. When Sarah returned to start her morning shift, she found Will sat on a chair, leant over his brother, asleep on his arm. Mouse was curled up on the rolled-out mattress on the floor, he sprung up awake on hearing the door opening.

"Morning. I hear Jay had a good night…" Sarah said, reading Jay's vital signs. Mouse appeared confused. He was exhausted, surviving now on a few hours' sleep here and there. He took in the scene around him and the situation came flooding back.

"Uh, yeah, maybe?" He answered.

Will also began to disturb. He went to sit up and realised he had slept very awkwardly on his neck. A twisting pain flared up as he straightened his head. He winced with pain.

"You ok Will?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah, I'm good. What was the update from the night staff?" He asked, rubbing his neck, eager for details.

"Well, he has been stable overnight, and they've managed to reduce the dopamine infusion down a little. I'm going to repeat his gases and bloods now. Hopefully things are improving." Sarah said with a smile.

"Hear that little brother. You're doing just fine, carry on fighting ok. Just keep on breathing for me." Will said. "You don't know how much I need you to be ok." He added quietly.

"I need to freshen him up this morning, you guys staying, or do you want to go find breakfast?" Sarah asked.

"I'll stay." Will answered. "Washing him always put his heart rate up, I think it distresses him. I'll stay and talk him through it. You happy to go update Voight and Erin, Mouse?" He asked.

"Yeah…" Mouse said still sleepy. He walked over to Jay and squeezed his hand. "I'm going to get coffee ok dude, don't do anything stupid whilst I'm gone. Ok?" He asked, not expecting a reply.

Sarah got Jay more comfortable, Will had stayed the whole time as requested. Jay's heart rate had spiked significantly during the procedure and Will did his best to reassure Jay that all was ok. But in his head he could hear Jay's silent voice telling him that this was far from ok, and no body should be cleaning him up.

Erin, Voight and Mouse returned to Jay's room and they resumed the same positions from the day before. Erin couldn't believe that he was now on day seven of his recovery. She wondered where the week had gone.

Sarah had reduced Jay's sedation as planned at the start of her shift. The idea was not to stop it completely until the blood pressure medication had been stopped. But a daily break from sedation was encouraged to stop the chemical levels building up too high in Jay's system. They were all sat waiting quietly for any sign that Jay might be coming back to them, when an older man appeared at the door to Jay's room. Mouse noticed first as he was facing the door.

"What is he doing here?" Mouse asked shocked. The others looked up. Erin and Voight didn't know who it was, but Will clearly did, he dropped his head down. "What have you done Will?" Mouse asked.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Hi all, another chapter up, it's been a chilled out rainy day writing here. Just an added note- I have no idea about the character that arrives now, only that Jay doesn't get on with him. I have only just started season 5 here. So potentially it doesn't fit but it's my interpretation of their connection up to season 3. Enjoy… Cheetah x**

Chapter Seventeen

"Will!" Mouse raised his voice, encouraging Will to look up. The man at the door was frowning confused, as if deciding whether he was at the correct place. Will failed to answer, he closed his eyes, squeezed Jay's hand tightly and then stood.

"I'll sort it. Ok?" Will said quietly.

"Yeah, you will. Because Jay wouldn't want this. And you damn well know it." Mouse said angrily. Will nodded. He headed towards the door and then turned back to face Mouse.

"He has a right to be here Greg." Will said, using Mouse's real name for impact.

Mouse scraped his chair back angrily on the floor standing up. "A right? A right?" Mouse said moving towards Will. Voight and Erin leapt forward to intervene as the door opened, and the man finally entered.

"What's the hot shot cop got himself into now then?" He announced.

"And you are?" Voight asked for conformation, although he had a fair idea who the man was, now he was stood next to Will and Jay.

"Pat Halstead. Their father. And you are?" Pat asked rudely.

"Sergeant Voight." He replied, extending his hand. "Jay's boss." Pat promptly ignored him.

He turned to Will. "You're the doctor here, what's going on?" He shoved Will on his shoulder, enough to be uncomfortable.

Will frowned and sighed, slightly embarrassed at his father's odd behaviour. Mouse had seen enough.

"Pat, I don't know what you're doing here, but you're not needed or wanted." Mouse shouted.

"And you are?" Pat asked voice raised, glaring at Mouse.

Mouse laughed rudely. "Your son's best friend. The one who was there for him when you couldn't be arsed…" With emotions running high, Voight moved forward sensing the situation was about to erupt.

The sound of raised voices made their way through into Jay's mind. He began to surface slowly, and as he did, the pain joined in. He was so confused, completely unable to work out where he was, or what was happening. The overwhelming crushing pain in his chest made it impossible to think. He was aware of shouting and was trying to focus on it to work out what was going on. Jay was certain he could hear his brother shouting. His confused mind decided that someone was hurting Will. He was becoming increasingly stressed and tried to force his eyes open to make sure Will was ok. With his eyes not cooperating, his mind was taken back to the agony in his chest. He had to get away from whatever was crushing his chest. He found that every breath he took forced his lungs full of too much air and the pain was excruciating. Jay decided that smaller breaths would help, so he tried to control his breathing. He desperately tried to reduce the amount of air going in but found he couldn't. With an explosion of panic, he realised he wasn't controlling his own breathing. His heart began pounding, he realised a tube was deep inside his throat and the gagging sensation started. Instinctively his arms flew up to try and get the tube out of his mouth. Breathing was becoming even harder; the air was now being forced in when he was ready to breathe out. He was more determined than ever to get the tube out.

He grasped whatever he could get his hands on and pulled as hard as he could. He was desperate to breathe, gagging uncontrollably. He sensed the tubes were filling with liquid secretions and he felt like he was drowning. Ignoring the growing pain, he threw his legs around wildly, continuing to pull on the tubing.

The vent alarm sounded over the shouting and everyone stopped and span around to face Jay, astonished at what they were seeing. Will and Voight were the first to react. Voight released Pat from his grasp and flew out into the corridor and ran to the nursing station for help. Will advanced to his brother's aid in one stride, he grabbed the bed controls bringing Jay almost flat. Jay's hands were tightly wrapped around the ventilation tubing and he had managed to pull the ET tube almost all the way out. Will shouted to Mouse to help get Jay's hands off the tubing. Mouse acted immediately but Jay's grip was intense. He tried desperately to peel Jay's fingers from the tube, but Jay was bucking and kicking out wildly.

"What the hell is wrong with him?" Pat said shocked at Jay's actions. Will ignored his father, fuming at him for causing the whole situation.

Will could see the ET balloon at the back of Jay's throat and made a split-second decision to remove the tube. It was way to far out to be saved. Ignoring his throbbing knuckles, he reached to the trolley behind him, grabbing a 10ml syringe and some scissors. He efficiently deflated the cuff and cut the tape, releasing the tube from Jay's mouth.

Sarah ran into the room with Voight.

"Talk to me Will!" She shouted whilst assessing the situation with her own eyes.

"He self-extubated! Get the bag and mask!" Will yelled, as he reached for the suction on the wall behind Jay's head. Jay continued to thrash in panic. Will flicked it on and advanced the catheter to Jay's mouth. "There's loads of secretions." He advised Sarah, explaining his reasoning for grabbing the suction.

"What the hell? Weren't you watching him?" Sarah asked, grabbing the emergency oxygen tubing, turning it up full and connecting it to the mask valve ready to use it.

Voight rushed forward to calm Jay down on hearing the suction start up. He instantly knew that Jay would react to the noise. His suspicions were confirmed as Jay tried to throw himself off the bed in fear. Alarms wailed, warning of falling oxygen levels and a dangerously high heart rate. Voight grabbed Jay's legs and threw them roughly back on the bed. He grabbed Jay by his arms and held on, trying to keep him on the bed.

"Halstead! Stop fighting! Let your brother help!" He ordered gruffly.

"We should sedate him Will!" Sarah said loudly.

Will thought he was experiencing déjà vu. He couldn't believe Jay had come full circle, with another nurse so desperate to knock him out. He decided to ignore Sarah and continued suctioning Jay's mouth and throat. Jay suddenly gasped, an inbuilt reflexive order from his brain, desperately trying to locate oxygen urgently.

"Who does that son of a bitch think he is shouting a Jay like that?" Pat shouted, moving towards Voight. "Get your god damn hands off him!"

"Jesus Dad! Stop it! Just get out!" Will snapped. "Give me the mask!" Will then barked at Sarah, snatching it from her hands. He placed the mask over Jay's mouth and nose and squeezed.

Soaring adrenaline levels meant Voight hadn't noticed that Jay was no longer struggling. He continued to cling onto him, preparing himself for impact as Pat barged into him. Voight lost his grip on Jay's arms and fell backwards, catching himself before he hit the floor. Erin had been stood at the back watching, unsure where she could help, but now she knew. Voight glared at her, his plan clear, she stepped forward to go to Jay. Voight span around, grabbing Pat and twisted his arms painfully behind his back, propelling him towards the door. Will looked on in horror. Sarah encouraged him to keep squeezing the bag to provide oxygen. Erin moved in and spoke to Jay. Mouse sat rubbing his painful eye, a dark bruise was now beginning to appear, sat opposite Erin, he reached out and held Jay's hand.

"Can you hear me Jay?" Erin asked.

When the tube finally flew out of Jay's mouth, he was prematurely relieved. His reprieve was short lived though, as he soon realised the sensation of drowning hadn't gone. A sudden loud suction noise roared up beside his ear and he started to shake, terrified. He couldn't place the noise in his head but decided he didn't want to stay around to find out what it was. With a burst of adrenaline, he violently chucked his legs over the side of the bed to escape. He couldn't get up, because someone grabbed his legs and threw them back on the bed. Pain flared up in most places across his body and black dark spots appeared in his vision. The frightening effects of lack of oxygen were starting to take hold. He felt himself slipping away, sure he was about to die. He tried again to breathe and couldn't, that was his last try. The loud invasive sucking noise stopped but Jay was too far under to appreciate it.

"Jay! Come on, take a big breath Jay!" Will shouted. There was no response from him, he was very much unconscious, and Will's heart sank. "Self-extubating wasn't your brightest move Jay."

"I'm getting Choi and Rhodes! Keep managing his airway. I'll be right back." Sarah said, she had decided that Will wasn't the right person to be managing this at all. She noticed his now very swollen right hand, and spotted Mouse's bruised eye. With Will and Jay's father being forcibly removed from the room during the chaos, it was time for them all to get some space and for another doctor to take over.

"Jay, wake up Jay!" Will called him again. He glanced at his vital signs. His oxygen levels remained surprisingly stable despite Will now taking over the breathing for him. His heart rate remained fast, but his other observations were acceptable.

Tears were running down Erin's face as she joined in Will's desperate attempts to rouse Jay. "Come on baby… please wake up, please Jay…" She said, rubbing his arm vigorously. Will kept on squeezing the bag forcing air into Jay's lungs until painful coughing from under the mask made him remove it from Jay's face.

"Jay! Jay! You're ok. Take a breath buddy." Will demanded. The ferocious wet coughing continued. Will swapped the mask on Jay's mouth and nose for a standard oxygen mask, oxygen on full. Jay's clumsy hand instantly came up to fight it. Erin gently pulled his hand back down.

"Never stop fighting do you hey!" Will said, breathing out a sigh of relief and smiling. Will glanced at his vital signs again, almost too anxious to see the readings, but miraculously found Jay's oxygen levels remained stable.

Jay began groaning under the oxygen mask. He tried to lift his other hand to get the mask away from his face but someone else grabbed it. Mouse spoke up.

"Jay, leave the mask ok. You need the oxygen. Especially if you don't want that tube back down you're throat."

Jay started to struggle, there was no way anyone was putting anything else down his throat. Will grabbed the bed controls and sat him up a little further so he could see the room. Will encouraged him to open his eyes, he was worried Jay didn't know where he was.

"Jay, you're in med, you're ok." Will reassured him.

Jay flickered his eyes open. He was pretty sure he knew where he was, and could sense that Will, Erin and Mouse were with him. The compression on his chest was overbearing and he had to tell Will to make it stop. He wanted to speak, but all that would emerge was a soft groan.

"Jay, try and keep still. Choi's coming, he'll decide what we need to do next ok? Just rest now." Will tried his best to keep his brother calm.

Jay rolled his eyes, frustrated at his brothers' comments. Jay couldn't manage with the discomfort any longer, tears began rolling out of his eyes and splashing down around his ears. He gasped out in a loud sob, as a new sensation of nausea built. The pain and compression feeling were making him feel sick.

Rhodes and Choi arrived into the room, surprised to see Jay conscious. Choi was instantly at his friends' side whilst will got the situation report from Will.

"Hey… it's ok, I'm here. It's Ethan. You're so upset, is it the pain?" Choi asked Jay. His reply was incomprehensible groaning from under the oxygen mask. Choi continued, hoping he was on the right track. "Jay, you've got pneumonia, it's basically a very bad chest infection and you've been really unwell. Is it hard to breathe?" Choi asked him.

Jay dragged his eyes up towards Choi's face. Unable to form words, Jay just stared at him, his breathing becoming an audible fast wheeze. One thing Jay did not like doing was asking for help, especially when he was sick. He closed his eyes and the tears continued to fall, a feeling of desperation building. The moment was interrupted by the arrival of Jay's breakfast NG tube feed coming back up. Jay threw his head forward as the vomit exploded out of his mouth with only seconds of warning as Jay's hand flew out of Erin's grip and up to his mouth. He covered his hand, the front of his gown and top of the sheet he was under. Rhodes came towards Jay, a bowl in hand and popped it under his chin in case there was more to come. Jay didn't vomit again, but his wheezing continued.

"Let's get him a neb please Sarah." He ordered. "You need to try and cough this stuff up Jay, ok? I know coughing is uncomfortable, we'll get you some pain relief. Don't swallow what comes up and whenever you can, take deep breaths. The neb is going to help."

Jay nodded, not able to form words. He felt like he'd been running for hours and couldn't get enough air in to fulfil his needs.

The nebuliser was attached to his mask and started. The rushing sounds of oxygen bubbling through the medicine could be heard. Jay breathed in the chemicals and prayed they would ease the agony in his chest. He fluttered his eye's over to Mouse and spotted his black eye. Jay frowned, trying to work out why Mouse was hurt. He briefly wondered if he had done it fighting out. Mouse saw him looking but didn't respond, he wasn't sure what he should say. He just lowered his head hoping Jay would move onto something else. Jay rolled his eyes over to Will, and instantly saw him cradling his right hand with his left. He took one and one and made two.

"What….. happened…" He breathed out.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Hi All, another chapter up. Thanks to everyone for still reading. Not a long chapter this one, work still getting in the way of writing :-) As before, this is my interpretation of Will and Jay's father. Would love a PM/Review :-) Hope you enjoy. Cheetah x

Chapter Eighteen

Sarah could see that Jay now managing to whisper a few words, she administered pain relief to help ease his discomfort. It was now time to get Will and Mouse out. She got their attention and moved towards the door.

"You two. Go get some air." She ordered; eyes stern.

"No way." Will responded defiantly.

"I mean it Will. I'm here and Erin too. I don't know what went on in here just then, but you guys are not going to upset my patient any longer. And get those injuries checked out please!" She shooed them both into the corridor, Will still arguing about Mouse needing to step out, not him.

Rhodes reached for Jay's notes and began documenting the incident. Eventually he turned to Sarah.

"We'll be back soon; can you call us if you're worried about his airway. He's coping well now, but if you're worried when the neb finishes- just call. Can we also get that dopamine right down now, I want that stopped by lunchtime if we can?" Rhodes instructed.

"Absolutely." Sarah replied. They both gave Jay encouraging reassurance and left. Rhodes wanted to find Will and have a look at his hand.

Erin began circling patterns on Jay's arm again, she could feel how tense he was, and she was trying to get him to relax.

"Relax Jay…" She said quietly. "You're ok."

"What… happened…" Jay repeated, trying to move his oxygen mask off.

"Woah, there. Don't take that off." She said pushing it back into place. "You have a chest infection and they had to put you on the breathing machine again. But obviously you didn't like that." She answered smiling.

"No… Will…" He answered, frowning. Erin knew what he was asking but was reluctant to discuss anything that would cause him stress. There was obviously an issue between Jay and his Dad, that only Mouse seemed to know the finer details about.

"How are you feeling Jay?" Sarah asked, sensing Erin's hesitation to answer him. Jay frowned turning his head slowly to face the nurse.

He stared at her, trying to decide the best answer. "Good…" Jay managed to get out. She smiled nodding.

"As I expected. But how do you really feel?" She asked again. "Jay, would you prefer the ipad to communicate?"

He thought about it, trying to decide if he had the energy to type. What he actually felt he needed was a good dose of pain relief and to drift back off into a deep sleep. Despite his discomfort, he also desperately wanted to ask them to remove all the tubing and just let him go home. Back to his own bed. He felt like a caged animal at a zoo, not a patient in a hospital. People were constantly looking at him, nothing was private. But Jay was far from stupid, he knew that Will would never allow him home right now. He wasn't completely sure what had happened since he demanded to be transferred out to Ward Four, but going by his body's reaction, he sensed it was far from ideal. The last thing he wanted was to end up back in the ITU, he was just desperate for some privacy. He clearly had a long road ahead and now felt an odd sense of calmness, like he should give in and stop fighting. He knew he should try and comply, be the model patient Will needed him to be. It was obviously the only way out of there, not in a box. He thought back to Will and Mouse, Will looked like he'd been crying. There had been some kind of fight, that he was sure of. But he had no idea what they had been fighting about.

"You still with us Jay?" Sarah asked. Jay appeared spaced out, the pain relief was working quickly. Erin anxiously squeezed his hand and waited for a reaction. Jay realised they were expecting an answer. He felt groggy, but the nebuliser had made a massive difference and his chest felt more manageable.

"Huh?" He replied.

"Would you like the ipad Jay?" She asked him again.

Jay nodded, the easiest form of communication. He sensed he didn't have long left until sleep arrived. The tablet appeared in front of him and he blinked harshly trying to clear his vision to see the onscreen keyboard. Jay typed very slowly. But the message was clear.

"_What are you not telling me_." He asked.

Erin closed her eyes briefly. She decided the truth was the best way forward with Jay. He would appreciate that.

"Your Dad came to see you this morning…" She began, gauging his reaction. He didn't react at all, so she continued. "There was a disagreement between your brother and Mouse about his arrival."

Jay closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing. His heart rate monitor traitorously giving away his increasing stress level. Erin and Sarah glanced at each other.

"Jay? Are you ok?" Sarah asked.

He slowly opened his eyes and began to type and then paused unsure what to say. Erin lifted Jay's hand and brought his fingers to her lips, she kissed them.

"It's ok. You don't have to say anything, and you don't have to see him if you don't want to." Erin said softly.

Jay looked into Erin's eyes, pulled his lips tightly together and nodded slowly. He closed his eyes and drifted away to sleep. Erin moved the ipad from his grasp and placed it on the nightstand. Jay's heart rate began calming.

"I'm staying in here whilst he sleeps to watch his oxygen levels very closely." Sarah stated.

Erin nodded, snuggled her head down onto Jay's arm and felt herself relaxing.

When Mouse and Will arrived outside the ITU family room, they could tell the situation inside was volatile. Voight and Pat were having a heated discussion about Jay and Will didn't waste any time storming in shouting.

"Dad, what the hell was that?" Will asked forcefully. Pat spun around to face his older son.

"Don't you start. I'm getting enough from this one." Pat responded, glaring at Voight, who looked like he was not going to be able to restrain himself for much longer.

"You don't want me to start?" Will asked confidently. "You're the one who strolled in here being rude to Jay straight away." Will said waving his arms angrily.

"Well, I'm here, aren't I." He replied harshly.

"Seven days Dad. I told you seven days ago that he was here." Will said quietly.

"Wait, you knew he was here, and you only just rocked up now?" Mouse asked in disbelief, shaking his head. "Sounds about right."

"Shut up Mouse." Will shouted, turning around and glaring at Jay's friend.

"You two gonna start fighting again? You've already upset your brother once this morning, why don't you try again?" Pat asked rudely.

Will's eyes widened with fury. He did not appreciate being blamed for Jay's current situation. "How dare you! Can't you just be a Dad to him? Ask how he is? Hold his hand?" Will said, finding a chair and collapsing down into it. He cradled his sore hand. "Mum would be ashamed." He added quietly.

"Bugger this." Pat said, storming out of the room, disappearing down the corridor.

Voight and Mouse glanced at each other awkwardly. Will sat with his head down, unable to even look the others in the face. There was a moment of silence and then Rhodes and Choi walked in.

"You guys good?" Rhodes asked. Will's head flew up hearing his colleagues voice.

"Is he ok?" Will asked in a panic.

"Will, take a breath. He's fine, sleeping. Sarah is sat with him. And Erin." Rhodes answered. "How you doing?" Rhodes said frowning, taking in Will's dishevelled look. He was pale, exhausted and clearly hurting.

"I'm ok." Will replied in a whisper.

"I think you two need to go with Choi down to the ER and get those injuries looked at. Will, you definitely need an x-ray so don't argue." Rhodes instructed.

Will nodded. He didn't think he'd broken anything in his hand on Mouse's face, but it did hurt pretty bad. Will stood and allowed Choi to shepherd him out, Mouse followed. Will turned back to Voight before he turned the corner.

"Hank, don't leave him." Will asked in desperation.

"I won't." He answered. "What about your Dad?"

"Let him go. Jay won't want to see him." Will said turning and walking away.

Voight walked back to Jay's room trying to make sense of the morning's chaos in his head. He peered in through the glass before entering. Erin was sleeping soundly on Jay's arm. Jay was also asleep. Sarah was watching him closely from her stool, writing her notes. He knocked lightly once and entered.

Sarah smiled, but didn't say anything. Voight could hear the soft bleeps coming from Jay's monitoring. He could also hear a painful wheeze with every breath Jay made, but no alarms were sounding, and Sarah appeared calm, so he sat down on an empty chair next to Jay and sighed.

In the quiet, Voight thought to himself that he had never heard Halstead mention his parents. He obviously knew he had a brother and had met Will a few times before this incident. But generally, he found Halstead to be a very private guy. He could see why perhaps he hadn't mentioned his Dad before. Voight shook his head thinking back to the insults that had flown out of the man's mouth before Will and Mouse's arrival into the family room.

"What a prick." He whispered out loud. Sarah looked up confused. Voight smiled politely. "Sorry thinking out loud." He said quietly.

Jay heard someone talking and despite feeling like he was floating on the morphine, he tried his hardest to open his eyes. He thankfully found it much easier than last time. Light flooded in, and he was briefly blinded, until he blinked and cleared his vision. The room slowly came into focus. He felt a weight on his right arm. Glancing down, he saw Erin resting on him sound asleep. He smiled, feeling her hand wrapped around his, he squeezed it softly on instinct. He then realised it hadn't been her talking that had woken him up. He gently turned his head to his left and saw Voight staring at him.

"Boss…" Jay croaked from under the oxygen mask.

"Halstead. How you doing?" He asked gruffly.

"K." He answered starting to cough gently. He managed to get it under control and took a deep breath, wincing as he did.

"You sore?" Voigt asked him. Jay shook his head, he would manage. He could already feel the full effects of the current morphine dose, he didn't' want any more.

After a moment of silence, Jay whispered to Voight. "Dad?" He asked, frowning.

"He left Jay." Voight answered sadly, he looked at Jay's reaction, wondering if he should say more. Jay nodded slowly.

"Sorry." Jay managed to get out, trying to breathe through the wheeze.

"What are you sorry for kid?" He asked. Jay looked up at Voight with sad eyes, unable to string enough words together to explain. Luckily Voight understood. "You don't have to be sorry for his behaviour."

"Cage?" Jay said with a small smile.

"Did I threaten him with the cage?" Voight replied, smiling himself. "Hmm.." He said gruffly. "I didn't. But I bloody should have." He answered.

"Thanks." Jay said quietly.

"You know Jay, for what it's worth, I'm proud of you for not talking during your interrogation with Keye's." Voight said. Jay closed his eyes, thinking back. Momentarily reliving the beatings and electrocutions. He felt a wave of emotion come over him and tried very hard not to cry. His reaction was so unlike him, he put it down to the high levels of morphine in his system. Voight continued, "You saved a lot of lives by keeping quiet. I'm sure it got pretty intense that night."

Jay grimaced, "Yeah." Was all he could say.

"And you still managed to fight when Erin needed you..." He said surprised. Jay nodded, glancing over at Erin and squeezing her hand again.

"You're Dad has no idea how lucky he is." Voight said kindly.

"Didn't… want… let… you… down…" Jay answered slowly, then began coughing again.

"You didn't let me down Jay. Just keep following orders in here, ok? For once." He said with a smile.

Jay nodded once and closed his eyes, allowing the morphine to help hi drift back off into a deep sleep.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Hi all, welcome to the new followers, and thank you to those who have made this one of their favourite stories! Glad you're all still with me. This chapter remains a T rating I believe but does contain an intense flashback/dream. So only read this if you're ok with that :-) As before, I love a quick PM/review :-) Enjoy… Cheetah x**

Chapter Nineteen

"I'm sorry about all this Will." Mouse said quietly, watching Will nurse the wrist Rhodes had just finished placing a fabric splint on. Mouse pulled his ice pack back up to his eye and pushed on it gently. They were sitting in a clinic room together as the ER was so busy.

Will looked up to Mouse seriously. "I shouldn't have hit you..." He replied.

"At least nothing is broken." Mouse said optimistically.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Why did you call him Will? Did you really think Jay would want to see him? They haven't spoken in over two years." Mouse asked.

"Dad had a right to see his son. Septic shock? That's as close as someone comes to dying Mouse." Will said looking up, his face pained.

Mouse nodded, considering Will's comment. He wondered if maybe he had chosen to block out the fact that his best friend was so close to the end. Maybe Will had a point that Pat should have been there.

"If only Pat stayed long enough to actually ask how he's doing…" Mouse responded.

"Well, he is Pat Halstead." Will replied, smiling at Mouse. "I'm sorry too bud. I was behaving like a jerk. I'm absolutely exhausted, but that's no excuse. I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you."

"It's ok Will. Let's just work together to fix him back up. Ok? Jay will realise if there's an atmosphere between the two of us." Mouse asked.

"Yeah I know. He misses nothing. I don't think it's gonna be easy putting him back together." Will said rubbing his facial stubble roughly.

"No. Getting mister let's-extubate-myself to rest up and recover is certainly going to be challenging." Mouse said.

Will grinned. "I love a challenge. Shall we go back up?" He asked.

Jay was unable to stop himself roaring with pain, but it was hopeless. They wouldn't stop. Not until they got something useful from him. He was strung up by his wrists, his feet barely able to scrape the floor. He had lost count of how long he had been held in that position, but the burning in his shoulders and numbness in his swollen wrists and hands told him it had been a while. His hands were throbbing, but it was nothing compared to the pain in his chest and back. The punches kept coming. He was certain he had felt ribs cracking.

Jay realised with a panic that he was finding it difficult to breathe. With each breath, he was having to heave his shoulders up to try and facilitate getting more oxygen in his desperately hypoxic body. He felt his breathing and heart rate increase rapidly, his body's survival mode kicking in. Black spots began to fill his vision, his body tiring quickly. One of his captors decided to move on from fists and picked up a crowbar, swinging it around threateningly. He smashed it into Jay multiple times, and he fainted. Unable to stay conscious a second longer.

When he roused, he realised he was on the floor, wrists still tied, but now his elbows were bent and his hands were at his front. Instinct had made him curl up onto his side. He didn't see the boot that was coming straight towards him. It connected with force into his stomach. An explosion of pain erupted, and a sudden wave of nausea washed over him. Unable to keep it down, vomit burst out from his mouth. To move away from his stomach contents, he rolled slowly and subconsciously onto his back, groaning. The next kick came without warning and got him in his groin. Another gut-wrenching pain exploded, spreading up through his pelvis and settling in his stomach. He drew his knees up instinctively, rolling back onto his side to protect his body from further attack.

"Enough!" He heard a man shout. Jay was pretty sure it was Keye's himself. "Detective Halstead. Come on, this could be over by now. Give us some names…"

Jay ignored him. He chanced a look and opened his eyes and from his position on the floor, he saw one of Keye's men dragging a large car battery into the room, jump leads hung over his body. Jay's heart sank. He exhaled deeply, gathering his strength. This was about to become a little more intense.

Rough hands scooped him off the floor and threw him down onto a chair. His bonds were cut, and Jay instantly registered the first opportunity to bolt. He launched himself upwards swiftly. Aware that he was severely outnumbered, he tried to fight, not even sure his legs would support his weight. He grabbed hold of the nearest man to him and tried to wrestle with him. Despite the new burst of adrenaline, in his weakened state he lasted only seconds. His swollen hands disobeyed all commands from his brain and his legs just shook, threatening to fold at any moment. Jay heard Keye's chuckling, then he stepped forward and yanked Jay's arms backwards, pulling him off the man. He forced Jay back down on to the chair, and securely tied his hands to the back of the chair.

"Seriously Halstead. Are you that stupid? This is far from over. We're just beginning." Keye's said.

Jay was now panting through the pain present in his shoulders and arms. It was intense but he swallowed it down, focusing on his breathing, he decided to keep quiet. He had been trained for this and had experienced much worse when he was with the Rangers. All he had to do was hold out until Voight and the team turned up. He screwed up his face, "Anytime now would be good Voight…." He prayed silently.

He thought back to the secure place in his head he was trained to go to during interrogations. With a brief half smile he decided on a new place to use, one that involved Erin. Thinking of Erin made him remember the situation she was currently in. He felt his heart break, he decided when he got away from this chaos, he needed to find her. Beg her to straighten herself out. He was dragged away from his thoughts with a spark of electricity flashing in front of his face.

"You had a choice Halstead, and you chose to keep quiet…" Keye's smiled and nodded. Jay felt the first jump cable connect to his upper body and he gritted his teeth.

Erin had been disturbed from her sleep on Jay's arm, as he slipped into a violent physical dream. He had been thrashing in his bed for over fifteen minutes, roaring loudly in agony. Despite calling his name, Voight and Erin were unable to wake him and release him from his nightmare. Monitoring alarms sounded as Jay's heart rate and blood pressure responded to the situation he was fighting in his head.

"Jay! Wake up!" Will shouted rushing into the room with Mouse, now back from the ER. He knew instantly that Jay was lost in a nightmare.

"We need to wake him Will, but he's not responding. He's gonna pull out his lines." Sarah said.

Mouse decided to try. "Jay, it's Mouse. I need you to wake up now!" He said assertively. Jay continued, lost in his own world. "Jay! Come on man!" Mouse grabbed his shoulder and shook it.

Jay reacted to this; he flew up into a half sitting position. Arms flailing and eyes wide, he was panting desperately for breath. Mouse and Will rapidly, but gently pushed him back down to the bed and Jay screwed up his face in discomfort groaning. He didn't have the strength to fight them, he appeared petrified, clearly disorientated and lost.

"Voight?" He croaked quietly, starting to cough.

"I'm here kid. You're ok. You're at med. Remember?" He asked, stepping forward so Jay could make eye contact.

"Huh?" Jay managed to reply frowning, in between hacking coughs. He tried to calm his breathing and relaxed his face; he opened his eyes. He looked around, taking in the fact that he was in a bed, multiple tubes and monitors on him, clearly a hospital bed. He flinched when he saw five people staring back at him, waiting for his next move. It dawned on him what had happened, and he found himself feeling embarrassed. His cheeks flushed in response and he closed his eyes again, hoping his audience would vanish.

"It's ok Jay. You had a nightmare. It's over." Voight said.

Jay resorted to his traditional way of coping with the embarrassment and became angry. His eyes opened and he glared at Voight.

"I'm… fine." He wheezed angrily. "Want… to… be alone."

Voight glanced at Will who had closed his eyes in disappointment. Will was already bracing himself for Jay to begin demanding to go home. He knew his brother pretty well and sensed that was coming next.

"Jay…" Will began. Voight interrupted.

"Can everyone give us a moment please?" He ordered. Jay closed his eyes cringing; this was not what he had planned with his request.

Voight didn't have to ask twice; the group started moving towards the door. Jay opened his eyes, glaring pleadingly at his brother, asking him silently to stay. Will shrugged his shoulders and left, not willing to stand up to Voight. Sarah ensured his observations had improved and then left with the others.

Voight silently stood up and closed the door. He slowly turned around and sat back down next to Jay. Jay initially watched him intently, trying to work out what his plan was. Then he closed his eyes, when he thought it was likely he was angry with him.

"Halstead." Voight started. Jay kept his eyes closed, his only form of protection from what he thought was coming. "Look at me."

Jay sighed; he felt too tired for this nonsense. A small amount of the morphine was still in his system. He opened his eyes and dropped his head to the side, staring like a naughty teenager, waiting to be told off so he could return to his play station.

"What was happening in your nightmare?" Voight asked softly.

Jay frowned, his head straightening up, he did not expect that question. Then he looked away, eyes downwards; certain that Voight would know instantly he was lying. "Can't… remember." He replied.

"Hmmm…" Voight growled nodding. He settled into his chair, pulling his right boot up onto his left knee and tugged on his ankle. He made it clear he was getting comfy, and not going anywhere. "I'll ask you again, what was happening Halstead?"

Jay screwed his face up angrily, then shot his eyes back open. "Can't… remember." He repeated, holding fast.

Voight nodded. "You need to talk about this Jay. These dreams, they won't stop unless you acknowledge them." He said, frustrated with Jay's responses.

"Thanks… I'm… ok." Jay replied again, deciding to maintain eye contact and even managing a small smile for good measure.

Voight stared at him, refusing to ask him a third time. Jay looked away, trying to break the connection. He could feel Voight's eyes drilling into him.

"Shall I give you the ipad? You sound breathless." He said, reaching up and passing the device to Jay.

Jay cringed; this wasn't going to be easy to get out of. He knew Voight didn't believe him and had no intention of dropping the subject and leaving. Jay looked down at the unlocked ipad in his hands. He lifted his finger to type and then hesitated.

"Talk Jay." Voight commanded. Jay blinked and looked away sighing. He raised his finger and typed.

"_It was nothing. Just a bad dream. Difficult to remember the details." _He typed.

"Really?" Voight asked, not believing him.

Jay looked down at the keyboard. "_I'm tired. Need to sleep_."

"You can sleep soon. Where were you?" Voight asked, not dropping it. Jay stared at Voight's eyes and then dropped them down to the keyboard again.

"_Keyes's." _He typed reluctantly.

"Ok. Had that dream before in the last few days?" He asked.

"_No."_ Jay typed, feeling disappointed in himself for folding so easily.

"What was he doing?" Voight pushed on, fully aware of what Jay might say. He had seen the video. Jay closed his eyes, the intense feelings generated inside of him by that question were way too raw to go near. He clenched his fists and shook his head in response. "Jay…"

Jay began breathing faster, his growing distress was evident. His heart rate climbed as the bleeping became more intense. "_Please boss, leave it_." He typed.

"What was he doing?" Voight asked again.

"Electrocuting me!" Jay screamed out loud, throwing the ipad down the bed in frustration. Tears formed in the edges of his eyes. His hands flew up to cover his face. "He was electrocuting me… until I… pissed myself! OK?" Jay flew forward, gulping hungrily for air, desperately trying to get more oxygen in. His breathing had a distinct wheeze to it again. Voight stood, grabbed Jay's hand and squeezed.

"It's ok kid, take a deep breath. It's ok." He reassured him, rubbing his back.

The alarms Jay had begun to know so well sounded again and Sarah rushed in with Will following.

"Sarah, his sats are dropping. Let's give him another nebuliser." Will ordered.

Sarah placed the new oxygen mask on Jay's face and commenced the drug therapy. She encouraged Jay to take deep breaths in.

Will shot Voight an angry look for upsetting his brother. Voight glared back at Will.

"That was progress. Ok? He needs to talk." He said.

"Well maybe Dr Charles might be better at that?" Will shot back.

"Hmmm…" Voight growled again. "We'll see."

Will sat down heavily into the chair next to his brother, grabbing his hand he squeezed it and offered calming words to sooth him. He sighed thinking that they may been turning a corner with Jay's physical injuries, but the delicate parts inside were going to be much harder to put back together.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Hi all, next chapter up. Thanks for still reading. Enjoy… Cheetah x**

Chapter Twenty

"Ice-cream?" Jay pleaded with his brother, desperate eyes working to their full potential.

"No. Not yet Jay. Seriously. No coffee, no beer and definitely no ice-cream." Will responded. "We need to start with clear fluids, soup maybe? Do you want to vomit again?" Jay stayed quiet, clearly disappointed.

It was now early in the evening, and his room was quiet, Will now alone with Jay. After his dramatic wake up from the nightmare, Will decided visiting time was over. He felt that Jay was becoming over stimulated and he needed absolute rest to fight the infection. The others agreed and left.

Jay had spent the day dozing in and out of sleep. He continued to receive morphine for pain control and nebulisers periodically to assist with his breathing. His oxygen levels had dropped considerably low during his sleep, only to recover to just about normal on waking. Will could tell Jay was getting restless and irritated as the evening wore on. He was trying to fidget more in the bed, only to be stopped by severe pain.

"Your gonna ask me to take you home next, aren't you?" Will asked.

Jay sighed, closing his eyes. "No..." Jay replied quietly. His breathing now more laboured than it had been all day. Will cocked his head up on full alert, not only surprised by the answer but anxious about Jay's breathing.

"No?" Will asked, wondering if Jay would be able to elaborate. His eyes scanned the monitoring displays whilst he briefly counted Jay's respiratory rate, not liking the answer. Will glanced down to Jay realising he hadn't been able to talk any more. "You ok buddy?" Will asked concerned, he gave Jay's arm a gentle shake.

Jay flickered his eyes open, then closed them again. He managed only a small groan in response. "You finding it harder to breathe?" Will asked.

Another small groan was his reply, and a slight nod of Jay's head.

"Ok, I'll get Rhodes…" Will said, standing. Jay opened his eyes to that statement, an action not missed by Will. "It's ok Jay, he can help you."

"No… tube…" Jay managed to say. Will fully understood his request, unable to clearly communicate due to lack of oxygen, he still managed to demand no intubation.

"I hope not Jay; I think you need something though. He might suggest the non-invasive ventilator again." Will said, squeezing his arm with reassurance.

"No… tube…" Jay repeated, trying his hardest to glare at his brother. He started coughing and gasping.

"They'll do whatever they have to do Jay. End of." Will said, deciding to use the nurse call bell instead of leaving his brother. Will was restless himself, fidgeting in his seat. He was worried about Jay and felt like his hands were tied awaiting help, when he just wanted to initiate the ventilator himself. Jay already had a mask on, delivering high flow oxygen, which clearly now wasn't enough. "Someone's coming Jay, just keep focusing on your breathing, ok?" Will said. Jay didn't respond, but Will did notice he seemed to be welling up.

It was becoming impossible to get air in. Jay felt like his windpipe was tiny and no matter how much he gasped, he couldn't get any relief. He heard Will say something about getting help and with a rush of panic he was certain that help would involve another tube down his throat. He had to beg Will not to do that again to him. He couldn't wake up another time with that sensation. Jay briefly considered that he would rather they just let him suffocate than tube him again. Then he stopped himself, as images of Erin flashed into his mind. He felt himself being overcome with emotion. He was annoyed at himself as a tear escaped his eye, he couldn't work out why he kept feeling so emotional. His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of someone into the room, he felt the gush of air as the door flew open. Jay heard voices but couldn't understand what they were saying. He felt like he was under water. He sensed someone was close to him and he tried to open his eyes. They were so heavy, he realised he was incredibly sleepy. He felt himself starting to fall asleep when he heard his name.

He frowned, trying to work out why someone would be trying to wake him. The calling started up again and this time Jay managed to open his eyes to respond. The voices continued, but Jay had absolutely no idea what they were saying to him. However, he could tell it was important from the tone. Unable to keep his eyes open any longer he closed them again gently.

The next sensation he felt was the oxygen mask being removed and another device being placed up his nose. Jay bucked his face to the side in an automatic response, trying to escape the new invasion. He felt the overwhelming feeling of air being forced up his nose and blacked out.

The next time Jay tried to regain consciousness, it was just gone midnight and Will had settled down for the night on his roll away mattress. He was lying flat on his back looking up to the ceiling tiles, processing the day's events. To fix Jay's respiratory distress, Rhodes had suggested the non-invasive ventilator again. It would remain in place whilst they waited for the infection to respond to the strong antibiotics he was currently having. Rhodes had done his best to reassure Will that it technically wasn't a step backwards. He told him that, if Jay hadn't self-extubated that morning, he would likely still be sedated and ventilated. Will understood this but found it hard to acknowledge. He needed some good news, the last week had been one of the most traumatic of his life and the extreme stress was starting to show.

Will heard Jay moving under his sheet. He shot up and was at his bed side within a second.

"Jay, can you hear me?" He asked frantically, placing a gentle hand on Jay's head. He noticed Jay was still moving his legs slowly in the bed. He didn't appear lost in a nightmare, it seemed like he was waking up. "Jay, I'm right here. You're ok."

"Urgh…" Jay responded, now more awake, his hands came up to try and remove the item in his nose.

"Woah, please leave everything Jay. You need this stuff." Will said pulling his arms back down softly. Jay's lack of fight saddened Will. His brother appeared so weak. Will did notice that Jay's observations were remaining stable despite his resurface attempt.

"How you feeling?" Will asked simply.

"Crap." Will nodded smiling, a fair response.

"Yeah I know, this is a nasty infection you have." Will stated.

"When I move my legs… sore in my groin, what… is it Will?" Jay said, trying to use his hands to investigate the area. Will almost whooped with excitement; Jay had managed a full sentence. It was clear the ventilator was helping him. Will stopped his celebration as he realised Jay was fiddling with the IV access point for his dialysis.

"Jay… leave that." He said, pulling his hand away again. "That's for your dialysis."

"My what?" Jay said glaring up at Will confused.

"Ok. Do you want me to update you on everything that's happened?" Will asked. Jay closed his eyes, sighing. He did want to know where he was up to but felt to unwell to concentrate. Will understood his lack of response. "It's ok, we'll talk in the morning." He rubbed his arm soothingly.

"I feel…" Jay paused. "I feel pretty bad Will." He concluded.

Will looked astonished, "Yes Jay. You're in the ITU and you have a really nasty infection. You're gonna feel pretty rough." Will replied a little sarcastically. Then he frowned, noting his brother's eyes were moist. He realised the depth of Jay's statement. For him to even acknowledge feeling a little bad represented just how rough he must have really felt. "Hey, I'm sorry. It's ok Jay, you are gonna be ok..." He rubbed his brother's arm again.

Jay nodded slowly. "I appreciate everything you're doing… I just…" Jay paused again to focus on his breathing. "I can't do this…"

Will shook his head, "You can do it, and you are doing it. You just need to relax and go with the flow. Try not to think about what's going on too much. Let yourself heal Jay."

Jay let out a sob in response. His body was aching, and he felt exhausted despite just waking up.

"I don't know why I keep getting like this…" Jay said, waving his hands to represent his current emotional state.

"It's normal. It could be the morphine. But you've also been kidnapped, tortured, had major surgery and now you're fighting a raging infection. That would upset most people Jay. You're not someone who's used to stopping, acknowledging your sickness. You're way out of your comfort zone, so don't be angry at yourself, if you need to cry, let it out. I'm right here brother. It's only me." Will said.

"I feel so ashamed of my reaction. I'm so weak and pathetic, I can't seem to keep it together." Jay said angrily, looking away.

"You mustn't feel ashamed Jay. But I'm glad you're talking. The great almighty Voight does have a point about the importance of you sharing what's going on in that head of yours."

"Yeah, I guess."

"He's pretty intense, but I think he means well…" Will said quietly, watching Jay closely to try and understand the depth of his pain.

"I…" Jay paused again, struggling to talk about himself so much. He closed his eyes and continued. "I hate having so many people around, feeling sorry for me. I know you all care, I just don't want to be looked at anymore."

"I get that." Will agreed. "It would be driving me nuts too, we can cut down on the number of visitors and the time they stay for, but you don't have a choice about intensive care Jay. That's here to stay until you don't need equipment to breathe at least. No arguments."

"Yeah, I know." Jay said defeated.

"As for Erin, I think I was wrong about her. She really does care about you dude." Will said, eyebrows raised and grinning.

"Yeah, she's a great friend and partner, but it's over between us. Was over before it really started."

"Ah ok, whatever." Will said, not believing his brother. "And Dad…"

Jay looked at his brother, noticing for the first time the splint on his right wrist. "What happened with you and Mouse?" Jay asked.

Will dropped his head, he'd been waiting for that question but still wasn't sure how to answer it. "Disagreement." He decided on.

"Disagreement hey?" Jay laughed briefly. "You mean Dad."

"Well, yeah… We can talk about it tomorrow Jay." He said, trying to move the subject on.

"Hmmm. Is it sorted?" He asked worried.

"With Mouse? Yeah. It's sorted Jay. Don't worry about it."

Jay wasn't sure if his brother was telling the truth, but he felt his body relaxing into the bed, signalling that it was time to sleep again. Will smiled nodding, went to stand up and move back over to his mattress.

Jay looked up and grabbed Will's arm gently, stopping him in his tracks. "You're pretty good at all this shit hey?" He laughed softly.

"Apparently I'm a doctor, or something." Will said, eyebrows raised, showing he was mockingly hurt.

"Love you bro." Jay finished softly, already half asleep.

The night passed again with minimal concerns. Jay had woken only once at 4am, desperate to get Will's attention, he called out for his brother until Will stirred. He was uncomfortable and the pain was stopping him from getting back off to sleep. The night shift nurse administered further analgesia and Will helped him to change his position slightly in the bed. As Will laid back down on the floor, Jay was already softly snoring again.

In the morning, Sarah returned as normal and started her shift by taking repeat blood tests to see whether Jay was winning the battle against the infection and resulting sepsis. Ignoring Jay's protests of discomfort, a chest x-ray was also taken. Later that morning, Rhodes came in to check on his progress and results.

"Ok Jay, how are you feeling today?" Rhodes asked, observing him, preparing for him to lie.

Jay looked up at Rhodes, his automatic response about to fall from his mouth. Then he glanced at his brother, noticing Will was staring at him like a disapproving parent. He sighed and decided to tell the truth. Today he was too exhausted to even hide how he really felt.

"Not great." Jay admitted. "This thing is helping though." Jay directed his hands to the ventilation system in his nose.

"Ok. Well, I've reviewed your bloods, observations and the x-ray taken this morning. And actually, things are looking much better today." Rhodes said smiling. "You probably do still feel pretty rough, but actually I think you're turning a corner; you've responded really well to the meds."

"That's great!" Will said grinning, finally hearing the news they all needed.

Jay remained quiet but offered a small smile that he felt his audience expected. He didn't feel like celebrating as much as Will. His eyes closed again, and he startled awake when Rhodes continued talking.

"You ok there Jay? You drifted off." Rhodes said, observing him.

"Huh? Yeah, just tired." Jay said feeling spaced out from the pain relief.

Rhodes turned to Will and Sarah. "Can you give us a minute please?" He asked politely. They nodded and left together. Jay cringed rolling his eyes, wondering why people kept feeling the need to interrogate him on his own so much.

"How are you doing emotionally? You've been through a lot Jay, and it's tough being in here…" Rhodes asked.

Jay sighed. "Thanks Connor, I'm ok. Just tired and sore."

"Well, it's good to talk. Do you want Dr Charles to come visit?" Rhodes asked.

"No." Jay jumped in curtly, he did not want to start therapy. Then he looked at Rhodes and realised his instant objection had raised suspicion. Rhodes went to talk and Jay continued, interrupting him. "Voight… When he was here last night. We talked."

"Oh ok. Did it help?" He asked.

"I guess so." Jay said, feigning a smile. Trying anything to get Rhodes to move the topic on.

"Good. Well, let me know if you need anything more ok." Rhodes said. "We'll continue the ventilator a little longer, but I'm hoping to stop the dialysis tomorrow. Your bloods are improving."

Jay nodded, reminding himself to ask Will about that later. He didn't want to ask Rhodes for an explanation as he had an overwhelming urge to be by himself. He closed his eyes hoping Rhodes would get the hint to go.

"Ok, well. Just ask Sarah if you need anything." Jay grunted in response, eyes still closed, and Rhodes left. He passed Will in the corridor coming back to his brother's room, coffee in hand.

"Everything ok?" Will asked.

"I think so." Rhodes said with hesitation.

"What is it?"

Rhodes grimaced. "He seems emotionally drained. Certainly doesn't seem himself. He didn't try and beg to stop the vent or dialysis. He didn't even ask to go home!" Rhodes paused to think. "It might be nothing, I guess I'm just used to him complaining and fighting everything. Complacent Jay feels odd."

"Yeah, he was a bit tearful when he woke last night, I'll keep a close eye on him." Will said.

"He told me it helped talking to Voight. Maybe get him back to speak to him?" Rhodes instructed.

Will was surprised by that suggestion. "Right? Ok. Unusual choice of person to open up to, but whatever works." Will said smiling. "I'll call him." Will pulled his cell phone out prior to stepping back into Jay's room. He hit the call button on Voight and listened to it ringing.

"Voight, it's Will…"


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**Hi All, A great day writing, finally a break from work :-) Next chapter now up. A quick review/pm would be great if you're still with me :-) Enjoy…. Cheetah x **

Chapter Twenty-One

"You've got this Jay, see if you can lift your right leg up off the bed for me, just one more time. That's it…" Stuart instructed, supporting Jay's leg lightly under his ankle. "See if you can hold it up…"

It was late afternoon, and Jay was ten minutes into his first physio session since becoming unwell again. He was getting more and more frustrated as the time went on. Stuart was trying to encourage him to get his limbs moving, to prevent excessive muscle wasting.

He groaned out in pain loudly. "Shit it hurts! Why is it so hard?" He said through gritted teeth, his leg coming back to the bed slowly.

"It's normal for it to be hard Jay, you've been immobile for a little while now. Where is it hurting, in your leg?" He asked concerned, aware of the increased rate of the heart monitor sound.

"No, my back…" He panted through the pain. "And chest."

"Ok, rest your leg down. You did well. Shall we just try the other leg now? I know it's a bit sore, but it'll be good to get you moving."

Jay rolled his eyes. They were in the room alone; he had ordered Will to go and take a break. He had been a bit reluctant to leave, unsure how Jay would tolerate physio, but did as asked. Jay was adamant he didn't want someone staring at him during the session.

"Ok, lift your left leg up a little." Stuart said, again supporting him under his ankle. "See if you can hold it…" Jay managed one small lift, but couldn't hold it up, his leg came crashing back down to the bed. He groaned again.

"This side is worse." Jay moaned.

"Ok, well, you have a large incision healing on that side of your chest, so it's probably pulling on it all. Let's give it one more try and then we'll move onto your arms."

Jay inhaled deeply and lifted his leg as ordered. He tried his best to hold it up but couldn't last longer than a second. He roared out in frustration and then began gasping to catch his breath.

"Hey, calm down. It's ok. It's early days. We'll work on this ok?" Stuart said, noting Jay's irritability. "Watch your IV lines but lift your right arm up off the bed Jay." He asked, moving on to a new exercise.

Jay stared ahead, appearing to be in a daydream. His eyes were unfocused, and he remained still.

"Jay?" Stuart called, but he didn't respond. "Jay?" He rubbed his arm lightly and Jay startled back into reality. He looked around frantically trying to work out where he was, breathing fast and then his memory returned, and he tried to slow his breathing. "You back?" He asked warily. Jay's thumping heart rate being loudly reflected by the monitor bleeps.

"Huh?" Jay asked confused.

"You drifted away there. We were going for an arm lift?" He reminded him, glancing at his heart rate, wondering if it was time to fetch Sarah.

"Oh, yeah. Ok..." Jay said, he managed to catch his breath and his heart rate dropped significantly. He concentrated hard and lifted his right arm up. It felt so much weaker than normal, but he managed it. He held his arm up for eight seconds and then rested it back to the bed. He winced at the pain it generated in his shoulder.

"Was that sore?" Stuart asked.

"Shoulder." Jay answered, feeling like he needed to massage it with his other hand but sighing loudly with frustration, realising he couldn't. He didn't have the energy, and it wouldn't have been very soothing with his casted wrist rubbing on his skin.

"You never told me what happened to your shoulders…" Stuart said gently, wondering if Jay was ready to open up. He had received a referral on him at the beginning of his treatment, but it didn't go into detail.

Jay closed his eyes slowly. He didn't feel like going there today, but Stuart was the one in charge of getting him mobilised and back to normal.

"Would it help you to know?" Jay asked evasively, looking at him directly.

"It might. Might help me decide what exercises to do with you. I've seen the scan, you strained them pretty bad. Did they dislocate?" He asked.

Jay closed his eyes, thinking back. His face strained as he relived the moments of being strung up by his wrists for hours.

"I don't think so." He said opening his eyes. Stuart remained quiet, waiting for him to elaborate. "But it was close. I was strung up by my wrists for quite a while." He paused to take some deep breaths. "They beat me like that, then tied me to a chair. Alternated between the two positions most the day and night."

"Ok. Was all the weight in your arms, or could you touch the floor?" Stuart answered, trying not to show the intense emotional shock he felt at hearing Jay describe his ordeal. He was certain there was plenty more that went on too.

"Err… both really." Jay was surprised by Stuarts answer. He appreciated the clinical appraisal of the incident; he had been expecting a lengthy drawn out discussion on how it had "made him feel". Stuart's straight forward approach helped him to continue on. "Sometimes they pulled it up tighter so I couldn't stand. Other times I could just graze the floor."

"Ok. Sounds like most of the weight was in the wrists, arms and shoulders then. Did your hands swell?"

"Yeah, they were throbbing." He answered quietly. "I couldn't breathe. Think I blacked out quite a bit."

"Ok. Well, we'll carry on doing what we're doing for now. Then I'll start to build you up slowly. Ok, shall we try the right arm lift again?" He said moving on, sensing that was the right decision.

"I'd rather not." Jay said. Stuart glared at him, trying to work out if Jay was being serious or not. Jay knew that wasn't the answer he was looking for. He rolled his eyes in frustration and lifted his arm again. This time he held it up for a fraction less time. "When are these casts coming off?" Jay asked.

"It's been just over a week Jay. They broke both of your wrists. They need to be set for a bit longer yet." He said.

"Right. I'm tired Stu." He said quietly, hoping to bring the session to an end.

"Ok, lets do some repetitions on your left arm, then we'll call it a day." He said, remaining positive.

Jay lifted his left arm up off the bed and held it up. The incision site from the thoracotomy on his chest and spreading around towards his back was pulling and a deep burning ache was building. He held it a second longer and crashed it back down to the bed. "We done?" He panted.

"Yeah, we're done. I'll come back tomorrow, ok?" He asked.

"Awesome." Jay said sarcastically, he didn't mean to be rude to Stuart, but he was exhausted, and his eyes were already closing.

Stuart smiled, he learnt early on in his work with ITU patients that you never took their frustrations to heart. He was slightly concerned though at Jay's lack of interest. He had found Jay incredibly enthusiastic when he met him first over on ward four. It was hard to keep him in bed, he wanted to push it too far, too soon. He slipped out of the room quietly and went to let Sarah know he was done. He found her at the desk talking to Will.

"Hey Sarah… Doctor Halstead." Stuart greeted them both.

"It's Will, please. How did you get on?" He asked kindly.

"All good, although he was frustrated and seemed irritated today. Its normal for patients in intensive care, but it's just… He was so enthusiastic the other day."

"Well, he's very unwell. The Jay you met the other day will be back soon, that I have no doubt about." Will said with a slight smile.

Stuart smiled and started to walk away when he suddenly remembered he had forgotten something. "Hey Will…" He called. Will turned back. "You should know, I think he had some kind of flash back during the session. We were doing something, then he just wasn't in the room. Staring forward, dead still. I managed to get him back by rubbing his arm, but he was super startled, breathing fast. Panicking almost, I'd say." Stuart said.

"Ok. Thanks for telling me." Will said, wondering if Voight coming to speak to Jay was going to be good enough. He planned to discuss it with Rhodes when he next popped in.

When he walked into Jay's room, he was greeted with snoring. Jay was sound asleep, clearly worn out. He looked at his watch, Voight was expected any minute. He had freely agreed to come and talk to Jay after work. Will wasn't sure it was the right thing, but Rhodes clearly said that Jay was ok talking to Voight. He shrugged his shoulders and took a seat down next to Jay. He settled back in the chair thinking that he had never felt as tired as he was in that moment. Even as a junior doctor, working all the hours possible. He closed his eyes to try and take a nap too.

Erin stomped straight into Voight's office without knocking, clearly angry about something and ready to take it out on Voight. He looked up from his work slowly and glared at her.

"I missed your knock." He said rudely.

"I want to go and see Jay!" She demanded, her voice travelling out across the bull pen.

Voight sighed. "It's not up for discussion. Will called earlier and we decided Jay needs a break."

"A break? From what?" She said shocked.

"Will said something about him being overstimulated. Not good for his recovery." He said calmly, trying to de-escalate her rising anger.

"Bull shit. This is just another one of your tactics to keep us away from each other." She shouted angrily. Not giving Voight a chance to explain, she continued on. "We're just partners Hank. I don't know why you have to be like this." She slumped down on the sofa in front of his desk.

"You gonna listen?" He barked.

Mouse approached the office door and tapped lightly on the glass window. "Boss, err… may I come in?" He asked hesitantly.

"Mouse, yeah. Come in." He replied. Erin rolled her eyes angrily. She went to get up, trying to leave. "Sit your ass back down." He ordered.

"I'm not staying. I'm going to see Jay." She said defiantly.

"You're not. Mouse isn't either." Voight said, getting her full attention.

"What?" She asked confused.

Mouse explained. "Will text me to say that Jay is having nightmares and flash backs. He's also feeling pretty rough. He thinks it's a good idea if we back off from visiting for a bit. Give him time to rest."

"Surely if he's feeling bad, he'll want us around?" She said hurt. Voight stood up and came around his desk to Erin. He sat down on the seat next to her.

"Don't take it personally. He's exhausted Erin."

"Mouse… Hank… you've both helped him out of a panic in the last few days. We should be there." She argued.

Voight placed a reassuring hand on her knee and squeezed. "Give it a couple of days and we can try visiting again. I think we should respect Will's decision." He said gently.

"What about Jay's decision? What about what he wants?" She asked, her eyes welling up.

"I'm not sure Jay knows what he needs right now. Let's just trust Will. Ok?" He answered.

"Right." She said, shaking her head.

Adam approached Voight's office door, he also tapped the glass and poked his head in. "Boss… couldn't help overhear some of that. If we're not going in to see Jay tonight, are we going to Molly's to have a drink for him?" He asked.

"Sounds good." Mouse said, appreciating the excuse to leave behind the tension in the room. "Erin you in?" He asked.

"Err… yeah. I guess so." She stood and went to leave. "You coming?" She asked Voight.

"I've got some stuff to do here. Home by eleven ok." He said, reminding her of her obligation.

She nodded solemnly and left with Mouse and the others. Al strolled into Voight's office and sat down heavily on the sofa.

"Did you tell her?" He asked.

"Nah, think I'm stupid?" Voight answered. He felt that deciding not to tell Erin he was off to the hospital to visit Jay at Will's request was one of his smarter moves. "Told her I had work to do."

Al smiled nodding. "Right. Work. Want me to come along?" He asked.

"Nah, I don't want him thinking we're ganging up on him. Keep an eye on Lindsay can you. She's fragile." Voight answered, grabbing his jacket.

"Sure man." Al replied.

Voight arrived at Jay's room, a little later than originally planned. He peered through the glass window prior to knocking. Jay was in his normal semi upright position in the bed, Will was trying to spoon feed Jay some soup. He could instantly see that Jay was close to whacking the spoon out of Will's hand. He knocked and entered not waiting for an invite.

"Hey." Voight said gruffly.

"Boss." Jay said, eyes straight over to his brother. Will understood the look of anger he was getting. He knew his brother well enough, Jay was silently saying, "What have you done?". Will raised his eyebrows and hands in complete innocence. He went to stand up as if he was planning on leaving and Jay's stare became more intense.

"Where are you going?" Jay demanded of him. Ten minutes before he had wished his brother would just disappear, along with the soup spoon, but now he didn't want him to leave.

"Err… I thought you guys could have some time. You know, to talk." Will responded, heading for the door. He sensed his brother was angry, and he was wondering if he'd made the right decision calling Voight. Only time would tell.

Voight was stood just inside the door, leaning on the wall, arms crossed. "It's ok Halstead. Don't look so worried. I'm here to check in, that's all." He said.

Jay raised his eyebrows and closed his eyes shaking his head. It dawned on him then that he had told Rhodes that morning that 'talking with Voight' had helped. And here he was in the flesh.

"So, you guys are all talking about me behind my back, making plans, right?" Jay said annoyed.

"Be quiet. No ones making plans. See you in a bit Doc. Get a shower, and a change of scrubs." Voight said, looking him up and down. Will smiled and left, unable to look back at his brother, not wanting to see his face.

"Voight I'm tired." Jay said, wanting to get in first.

"I know kid. But your brother's worried about you." Voight said, pushing off the wall and coming over to Jay's bedside. He grabbed a plastic chair and sat down, re crossing his arms, he didn't say anything further. Jay felt pressured into speaking.

"I'm ok." He said, as confidently as he could.

"I know you're ok. You're being well looked after. Will text to say Rhodes is happy with your progress." Voight answered, not missing Jay's subtle eye roll on hearing confirmation that they had been texting each other about him. "I told him to update me. He's doing as he was asked." Voight added.

"Right." Jay said quietly, thinking to himself that nothing is ever private and personal when you're in a hospital environment. Any information is public information it seemed.

"I can hear your brain working from here. Spit it out." Voight said.

Jay squirmed in the bed feeling uncomfortable, he didn't like being on the other side of Voight's interrogations. Being next to him during one was hard enough.

"Halstead." Voight barked.

"I just wish that some things were private. I hate being on display like this. I have a bad dream, and everyone gets a fucking text update alert." He said quietly, closing his eyes.

The door to the room opened suddenly and Jay startled in the bed anxiously. For a brief moment he looked petrified, then realisation kicked in. He was trying to get his breathing rate under control, as he winced in pain from the sudden movement. Sarah had walked in to say goodbye at the end of her shift and start the last IV antibiotic for the evening. She rubbed his arm kindly and left.

"You're jumpy." Voight said, straight to the point.

"Huh?" Jay asked, trying to work out what Voight was getting at.

"You jumped, when she walked in. You need to talk about anything?" He asked.

"Nah, I'm good." Jay said positively. "Maybe I jumped because I'm exhausted. She caught me off guard."

Voight glared at him trying to work out if he was telling the truth. "Had any more nightmares?" He asked.

"No. Did you not get a text update?" Jay said sarcastically. In reality, despite the brief flashback earlier, he had actually been ok in the nightmare department.

"Ok, well, I'm here to talk if you need to. When you're ready." Voight said, moving to stand.

Jay became unsettled, appearing distressed, he realised Voight was leaving. He clenched his fist and bought it up to rub on his lips thinking. He was severely anxious about being on his own and he was aware that Voight had sent Will to shower, and most likely eat. He would still be gone a while. Voight moved towards the door.

"Boss…" Jay said quietly.

"Yeah?" He asked, looking like Jay was wasting his time.

"Can you…" Jay paused feeling awkward.

"Stay?" Voight answered for him. "Of course." He smiled facing the door, then turned around, his face straight again and took his seat back beside Jay.


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

**Hi All, next chapter up. Thank you to OneChicagoPD- awesome review, you're too kind :-) Hope this chapter is what you need. Glad to see you're still reading Lanteaddicted1 :-) Enjoy…. Cheetah x **

Chapter Twenty-Two

It took Jay approximately seven minutes to regret asking his boss to stay. Jay had kept quiet initially, not feeling like talking but appreciating the company. The only sounds in the room were the bleeps of monitoring devices and the whooshing sound of Jay's ventilation support. Eventually Voight spoke up, breaking the silence.

"Shall we start with talking about why you didn't want me to go?" Voight asked.

Jay closed his eyes, the drawback of having company, was their desire to talk things over constantly. "I'd rather not." Jay said, hoping that would suffice as an answer.

"Hmmm…" Voight growled. "Want to know what I think?" He asked and then continued on, making it clear his statement was not an actual question. "I think you're living in a permanent state of alert, expecting danger to come from everywhere. And I think you feel vulnerable and weak in that bed, unarmed. You're anxious because you're not ready for a potential attack."

Jay said nothing in reply, Voight took that as a sign he was close, if not spot on. "Bet you've already worked out whether you could physically fight if you had to. Checked the room out for potential weapons?" He asked genuinely this time.

"Once a soldier, always a soldier." Jay answered very quietly.

"Your safe Jay. Keyes is dead. We arrested all the others involved."

"I know. Hard to listen to the rational mind though sometimes, hey?" Jay replied with a small smile.

"Yeah it is, sometimes you need help with that." Voight said, eyebrows raised. Jay didn't say anything, so he continued again. "You need to try and relax when you're awake, it might help stop the nightmares and flash backs. Your constant anxious state isn't good." Voight decided.

"Right… I'll just switch off my anxiety then." Jay said mockingly, closing his eyes again. He thought to himself, if only it was just that simple. Voight acknowledged that although Jay hadn't agreed with Voight's opinion; he hadn't denied it either. He decided to keep pushing him.

"Where did you find yourself during your flashback today? What did you see?" He asked, as gently as he could.

Jay shook his head, not willing to go this far. He knew if he talked about it, it would come alive again. "Can't remember, I don't know. Voight…" Jay was about to ask him to leave it, his head was pounding with the stress of this 'talk'. Voight observed Jay's uncomfortable reaction, but wasn't prepared to let it go, he pushed on further not allowing Jay to finish. He felt like he was pulling a confession out of a perpetrator.

"Where did you go?" He asked again more sternly, not letting up off the gas pedal.

"Voight I can't do this." Jay said screwing up his face, breathing deeply. He drummed his fingers on the top of his bed sheet anxiously.

"Talk Jay." He ordered, deciding to use Halstead's military background to his advantage, he might just automatically respond to an order.

Jay began breathing faster, his fight or flight mode was rearing up. He felt trapped, he might as well have been tied up again, unable to get up and walk away. His hands unconsciously came up to his neck, grabbing at the skin. He could feel his heart pounding away in his chest and the previously soft bleep of his heart monitor was now piercing the room with its frantic rate. He was suddenly hot, sweat prickled his skin. A rushing sensation came over him, roaring in his ears, he had to say something, or burst. "Same place as before..." Jay blurted out. "I keep finding myself in that fucking basement."

"Jay, take a deep breath..." Voight instructed, getting up out of his chair, he squeezed his shoulder. Jay looked towards him dazed, the movement of his head made him feel instantly dizzy and nauseous. He swayed and glanced down at his hands to find he was trembling violently. He had no idea when that had started. He wondered how long he had been like that for. "Jay, you with me? Take that breath kid." Voight asked. Jay couldn't work out why Voight was saying that. He was there, wasn't he? "Jay?" He called a final time.

"Sick…." Jay suddenly blurted out, finding his voice. It was all he managed to say before the small amount of soup he had eaten earlier came back up. Voight grabbed for a bowl but couldn't get it in front of him in time. He vomited down his hospital gown and closed his eyes, hoping the ground would swallow him up.

"It's ok. Is there anymore?" Voight asked him, hovering cautiously with the bowl in his hand. Jay shook his head. He was deeply embarrassed, and Voight could tell, which seemed to make it all worse. "Let's get this off you…" Voight said, trying to pull the gown off him.

"Can't. The IV lines. Gonna have to get someone." Jay said, the shame he felt continuing. He felt disgusted at his own behaviour, let down by his own body.

"Right, ok. I'll find someone." He placed a hand on Jay's shoulder again and squeezed gently. Aware of his injuries but trying desperately to climb inside Jay's world and offer comfort to him. Jay didn't look up, he just nodded slowly, appreciation passed on silently.

Voight returned with the night shift nurse and she paused the infusions so the soiled gown could be removed. She freshened up Jay's chest and neck with wet wipes, after he forcibly declined a bed bath, complaining he was too tired. His personal limit for humiliation had hit an all-time high and he couldn't cope with anything else. Seeing Jay without his hospital gown, Voight found himself staring at the scars and bruising on Jay's chest. He wasn't sure of the exact number of ribs broken, but clearly it was most of them if the bruising was anything to go by. Jay glanced over to see Voight looking at him.

"Not great, hey." Jay said, feeling a little more like himself again.

"It'll heal kid. You're strong." Voight answered. Jay snickered sarcastically; he couldn't have felt any further away from 'strong' at that very moment. They remained in silence until the nurse left.

Voight was confident that Jay had calmed down enough, he wasted no time getting back on topic. He felt that Jay still needed to talk and followed his instincts. "Ok. So, what was happening to you in the basement this time?" He pushed on.

Jay rolled his eyes, shocked that Voight felt the need to further the interrogation. Wasn't getting upset enough to vomit enough for him? He didn't delay his answer any further, he knew his boss wouldn't accept it. "I was swinging from my wrists. Waiting." He replied.

"Waiting?" Voight asked, encouraging Jay to continue.

"Yeah, waiting for whatever they had planned next. It's classic treatment, you tie someone up, blindfold them and leave them waiting." Jay said.

"Mentally trying to break you." Voight agreed.

"Yeah, they tried." Jay smiled. "But they underestimated me."

Voight laughed supportively. "That I have no doubt about. But it doesn't mean the feelings generated in that moment are not staying with you." Voight said seriously.

"I've been through worse Voight. It wasn't even that bad this time..." Jay said, suddenly realising the depth of that statement. It made him feel sick again to think of how weak and pathetic he actually felt over something that he classed as not that bad.

Voight pulled a shocked face; he obviously knew about Jay's military past with the Rangers but had never understood what had caused him to know longer be with them. It was clear something horrific had happened.

"That's hindsight talking... How did you feel at the very moment they were electrocuting you and beating you like an animal?" He asked cautiously.

"Like… I don't know." Jay said, uncomfortable, not wanting to say the words out loud.

"Halstead." Voight growled, staring at him.

Jay sighed. "Like… like… you were never gonna come." Jay said quietly, staring forward. A tear escaped his eye without warning, he didn't even feel it as it ran down his cheek and splashed onto his new gown. He continued to stare forward blankly.

"Exactly." Voight acknowledged, nodding. His response pulled Jay out of his blank stare with a startle. "When you're going through it, they use the emotional torture to make you lose your rational mind. That leaves behind the weak, anxious man that decides he's now on his own and no one is coming to save him. Yes?" He asked, watching Jay closely. "With a good beating, that anxious man will break. He'll talk."

"It feels real. Like I could actually feel them doing it to me all over again. When I talk about it..." Jay said quietly, Voight thought he sounded like a little boy. He had an overwhelming urge to reach out and hold him, but sat completely still, hoping Jay would continue. "There's other shit in my head too, stuff from years ago. It all feels so real now." He turned his face away from Voight, not wanting to look him in the eye.

"Ok, well we can talk about all that too. Talking about it, acknowledging how you really feel, will help you start to heal, and it will become easier." Voight answered him, feeling pained hearing Jay's inner thoughts. "I'm always here, ok?" He said solidly. He reached out for Jay's hand and held it tight, unsure if he'd overstepped his boundaries.

Jay nodded; he closed his eyes still looking away but didn't let go of Voight's hand. More tears spilled from his eyes and Voight could hear Jay quietly sobbing. They remained in that position, neither of them feeling ready to let go.

Erin knew she had made a mistake going to Molly's when Antonio shoved a beer bottle in her hand. She took one sip and felt sick to her stomach. It felt seriously wrong to be out drinking beer whilst her best friend, her partner, was lying in a hospital bed. She felt devastated that they didn't want her to go and see him. It was like he had been kidnapped all over again.

The bar was packed and the volume of conversations much louder than normally expected. It was evident that word had spread about the drinking session being held in Jay's name. Officers from all over the district were there in support. Adam approached the table that the intelligence team had gathered around with a tray of potent looking shots. Kim, Sean and Trudy had joined them.

"Shots up!" He said cheerfully, passing them around.

Antonio reached for two shots, passing one towards Erin. She grabbed it and looked at the bright red colour, deciding if she wanted to drink it.

"To Halstead!" Adam shouted. The whole bar joined in.

"To Halstead!" They bellowed. The shots were downed, followed by sips of beer to lose the intense taste.

"He's gonna get over this…" Adam said positively. "He's a strong detective."

"Absolutely." Trudy agreed. "Voight said he's already improving with the new antibiotics."

"I can't believe this even happened to him. It's just not fair." Kim said, saddened.

"What's the deal with not going to see him Mouse?" Adam asked.

Mouse took a long pull on his beer. "He's strong, you're right and it's good that he's responding well to the meds. But you all have to remember that he's a private guy. He needs his space to process what has happened to him and begin to heal." Mouse said, taking another sip of beer.

"I'm certain he'd process it better with the support of his friends." Erin said bitterly.

Mouse cocked his head to the side sighing, finding Erin's statement unfair. "Come on Erin… I was also unsure of Will's intentions when he came up with this idea this morning. Wasn't like he was there for him the last time. But apparently it came from Jay too. He doesn't want an audience at his bedside any longer. Will feels he's being overstimulated by the visits and they need to stop to encourage him to relax and get better."

Erin shook her head, signalling her disagreement. "I don't know Mouse. One minute he's punching you in the face, now you're agreeing with him?" She asked.

"I guess he is the doc." Antonio said.

"Doesn't make him right." Erin said. "You know what guys… I'm tired." She said, standing. She placed her half-finished beer on the table and grabbed her leather jacket. "I'm done." She turned and left. Erin was so angry with Will and Voight for keeping her away from Jay. She couldn't believe Mouse had just accepted it, despite how Will had behaved towards him. He was supposed to be Jay's best friend. She got in her car and decided to head to Med. It was late, around 9pm, she parked the car easily and headed up to the ITU floor. Finding Jay's room, she paused before entering. She wasn't sure what made her stop, but her instincts told her to look through the glass prior to walking in. She took a sharp intake of breath when she saw Voight sat with Jay. Her initial reaction was one of explosive anger, he had clearly lied to her face. "Work my ass." She spat under her breath. Then she looked closely, she slipped her hand away from the door handle as she noticed Voight was holding Jay's hand tightly. Jay had clearly been crying, his eyes were red and puffy, and he looked pale and exhausted. He looked like he was sleeping, but Voight had decided to remain with him, sitting quietly. She took a deep breath, her eyes welling up at the scene in front of her. Tears spilled from her eyes as she let her anger go, she had clearly underestimated Voight. She turned around and left, leaving them together.


End file.
